Sunday, January 31, 2010

Nothing Says "Master Criminal" Like an Oversized Camera on Your Head Tuesday!

In Batman #72, we were subjected treated to the "Jungle Batman and Robin." You say you have no idea what a Jungle Batman and Robin would look like? Well:

The more I read old comics, the more I understand what they were talking about in Seduction of the Innocent.

Jungle Batman apparently has the ability to communicate telepathically:

Or maybe Bruce was talking to himself. The jungle does strange things to people.

Remember The Gong? He was Galactus compared to this guy from Batman #81:

Yup. Mr. Camera. With a big camera on his head. As technology improved, I presume his head likewise got smaller and smaller.

Enough of this. Cue the gigantic harp!:

I tried to play the clarinet as a child. That's why I write a blog about comic books. That's how good I was.

See you tomorrow!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Boner Bonanza Monday!

More Boner goodness from Batman #66. I'll just shut up and let the majesty speak for itself:

How positively awesome.

See you tomorrow!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Boner Bonanza Friday!

You knew it was coming. From Batman #66:

The beauty is that we have still more boners to uncover, but I can only handle so many boners in one day, so we'll save a boner or two for Monday!

Meanwhile, from World's Finest #203:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Aquaman:

..... Douchebag of the Seven Seas.

You know, it seems like if you're Aquaman, you really shouldn't be laughing at anyone. You talk to fish. And you think they're silly?

See you Monday!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Not A Cop-Out! Except THIS One! Thursday!

I avoid speaking in absolutes. I usually say "it's my understanding that..." or "I believe that..." when it comes to facts, simply because that way I rarely look foolish for being indisputably wrong. Why am I bringing this up? World's Finest #202:

I like the way it refers to imaginary fight scenes and symbolic pictures as "cop-outs," which I appreciate because they are misleading and, more often than not, disappointing. I really thought this was a balls out thing to say. Superman is going to try and kill Batman! For realies, this time! Yeah!

Except that isn't Superman.

Yeah. He's a robot. Some people might say that was a cop-out. As in "this scene doesn't use any sort of cop-out... except the character you think is Superman is actually really a robot."

Oh. Spoiler Alert! Forgot to say that before. Hope that's okay.

Denny O'Neil is a good writer, but when you're dealing with the Silver Age Green Lantern and the really odd vulnerability to anything yellow, I'm sure it's challenging to come up with worthy adversaries:

So, when in doubt, use a giant yellow spider. Keeping it real, Denny O'Neil style!

I kid... O'Neil is a great writer, but when you give me the shot I'm going to take it.

Like this one:

I love writing this blog. I truly do.

See you tomorrow, weather permitting!

I'll Fight Them Off with My Own Non-Existent Mental Bolts Wednesday!

Before I forget, another ice storm is coming this way and there's a possibility that the power will go out. I'm hoping this isn't going to be a nine-day-without-power-in-sub-freezing-temperature mess like we had a couple of years ago, but if there is an unexplained lack of postings, just know that it's because I'm not able to post. If that happens, I'll get things back on track as quickly as possible.

Not everyone agrees with me (ie, people who like being wrong), but I prefer the modern method in comics of not having any (or minimal) dialogue on the cover. To me, there's just something about letting that cover art drop clues about the story and whet your appetite for what is to come.

Case in point:

Okay, who is Superman talking to and how quickly would he have to be talking to get all that out before the train crashes? And even at the age of six, I think I could have pieced the situation together without all the narrative.

Now, let's look at it after I poorly yet effectively remove the dialogue:

Isn't that better? Granted, the black patch there isn't wonderful, but it's less distracting than all the yackity yack.

I'm just saying. Anyway, moving on:

I never cared about sports. Seeing people get all up in arms over a game just slays me, because (a) it will have no real effect on the course of my life and (b) those players and coaches couldn't care less about mytroubles, so why should I care?

But I cannot imagine anyone buying a record so they can listen to someone explaining a sporting event that has already happened. Did anyone buy these? Don't be frightened. If you actually sat down and listened to one of these things, I would love to know how that worked out.

So, we hit World's Finest #200 and they do a mock interview with Batman, Robin and Superman reminiscing. I presume at least one of them isn't wearing pants, because it's funnier that way. Anyway, Batman has just been given the boot from the book, and you can see how well he's taking it:

Isn't that hilarious? If you play it in your head with Bruce giving a resentful tone, you can almost hear the "And EFF you!" coming out.

So, this was the official word that the title would become Superman and a random guest. This was an okay idea, and one that would resurface in the 1980's with a title called DC Comics Presents, but taking Batman out of a book to focus more on Superman leads to moments like this:

Yeah, because.... you know, Superman has mental powers. Because he says so, and Batman isn't around to correct him.

See you tomorrow, weather permitting!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Nonstop Fun with Out-Of-Context Dialogue (tm!) Tuesday!

And now, courtesy of the immortal Batman #65, I give you a Very Special (tm!) CMNS. The fact that the story is called "A Partner for Batman" only sweetens the deal:

That, my friends, was some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! See you tomorrow!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Moth-Like Master of Crime Monday!

When I mentioned the best movie of 2009, I should have qualified it by saying that I hadn't yet seen Star Trek, which you probably know was amazing. I'm not a trekkie, but this made me a follower. I can't wait for the sequel. I'd also recommend The Marc Pease Experience. I think I'm the only person who liked it, but I really enjoyed it.

You may be wondering, how do Great Moments in Comics (tm!) come about?

First, you take a gigantic and fully functional cash register:

to establish that you can't swing a dead cat in Gotham City without hitting some gigantic and fully functional knickknack.

Just to emphasize this, throw in a gigantic and fully functional camera:

Get the idea? Good. Now throw in a guy who dresses like a moth:

.... although, the headgear notwithstanding, he looks nothing like any moth I've ever seen. Let's pause for a moment and put him in the Costume Hall of Shame.

Okay, gigantic and fully functional props, and a guy who thinks he's a moth. Do you see where this is going? Of course you do!

.... and that, my friends, is how you end up with a Great Moment in Comics! (tm!)

Thanks, Batman #64!

From a male perspective, whether I was ten years of age or the staggeringly elderly point in life in which I find myself now, that is an incredibly lame promotion. Even when I factor in the notion that these people are all has-beens at this point in time, there is no way I would ever collect anything like this. That better be some damn tasty pudding!

Enough of all this. Cue Duane!:

Yeah! He rocks my world, Duane does!

See you tomorrow!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Get Your Clothes On and Let's Get Started Friday!

Some easy pickins and cringe-worthy moments to get us to the weekend from Young Allies #3 and 4!:

"Put on your clothes, Toro!" I'm surprised Toro doesn't hear that more often, to tell you the truth.

What happens when overweight people join CSI:

See? We want to eat all the time, so we're even willing to consume things we find at a crime scene. That's because we eat all the time. All. The. Time.

We are given a peak into the dreams of the team, which tells us a lot about them. As you can see, Bucky and Knuckles dream about punching guys out, Toro dreams about burning a human being from behind, and Jeff dreams about computers:

Note that not one of them dreams about a woman. Not one.

And Tubby dreams of food:

Because that's what overweight people do. When we aren't eating food, we're dreaming about it. Frankly, I'm surprised Stan Lee thought Tubby would be dreaming about something as healthy as a banana.

And Whitewash dreams of watermelon:

Oh, Stan. I try to see the positives in things, and Whitewash had his positive moments, but you sure can't ignore things like that. Or this:

Seriously? Having Whitewash be a self-hating African American man? He just wasn't offensive enough?

Oh, and don't forget to take a cheap shot at the fat guy:

Wasn't that hilarious? Because you know, fat people never hear witty remarks about their size, so be sure to chime in whenever you get the opportunity. They will be quite impressed with your creativity and originality.

See you Monday!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I've Accidentally Blown Up the Earth! Thursday!

You know, it's not like I don't know that Thursdays are crazy busy for me. They are almost every week, so a prudent person would plan ahead. Perhaps one day a prudent person will take over this blog.

But never fear, my pets! Loyal readers Robert Gillis, Phineas Bg and sPat have come to our rescue with panels they sent me. So let's take a looksee!

When you're Superman, every "D'oh!" is a Superd'oh!

Lois Lane, Competitive Eater:

So, a regular sized hot dog isn't usually "a meal in itself" for Lois? I was never into skinny chicks who cried over how many calories everything had, but just go into that relationship knowing you're going to need to keep her fed, Clark!

Lois Lane: Klutz. And Mass-Murderer:

Whoops! Genocide! Silly me!

So, as was explained to me, Jimmy found himself in the past (because that was during an era where people time-travelled about as often as they went across the street for milk and lottery tickets), and he was proving how he was from the future. Like so:

I'm pretty sure Jimmy not only landed in the past, but he landed in the Land of Lobotomy Patients. It's a refreshing change over the "flames erupted from his cigarette lighter! 'Tis witchcraft!" device, but these people are pretty remedial.

Well, thanks again for saving my hash, troops! As always, your submissions are welcome!

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

You Look Like a Real Cowboy Wednesday!

I've been a little remiss in not mentioning the Human Target series, which begins its regular time on Fox Network tonight. I hate to get all comic book nerdy, and goodness knows I am willing to turn a blind eye to a lot of inconsistencies when comics are brought to life, but in this version, Christopher Chance never actually assumes the identity of his client. I mean, that's kind of the whole point, isn't it? You aren't really a "Human Target" if you are just there as security detail. At best, you might become a human shield.

That notwithstanding, I'm hoping it's a decent show. I just don't think it will be as true to the source as the awesomeness that was Rick Springfield in the same role for seven episodes in 1992:

That's right. Can you believe the Human Target has had not one, but two television series already? I like the character okay, but the mind boggles.

Another mind-boggler: World's Finest #189-190:

It was a two-parter, which meant it was a big deal. Back in the day, most stories were one issue long, so a story with two parts was something of an event. When a story went to three parts, we would talk about it for years later. Remember, this was before we even had Pong or cable television, so we were pretty easily dazzled.

Anyway, Superman's corpse is found dead, so naturally we chop 'im up:

Isn't that censorship panel awesome? I thought it was. Stick it to the Man!

Anyway, some bad guys buy the organs and get them transplanted into themselves, which gives them super-powers. This includes the eyes, the ears, the lungs, and the hands. And no, Clark's penis wasn't up for grabs. I know you were thinking it. Don't act like you weren't.

Anyway, in a moment of writing brilliance, the bad guys are taken down when their bodies reject the organs:

I'm not even going to pretend that wasn't an awesome plot twist, because it was.

Oh, sorry.... Spoiler Alert! Just in case that 40 year old comic was still in your "haven't read yet" pile.

And don't forget Lee Rider:

Why, Lee, you sexy beast! Don't you be strutting your stuff like that in front of your lonely uncle in those tight fittin' jeans!

And into the Character Hall of Fame goes.....

Parade-Hater-Horace, for his name and that awesome shirt.

I know.... some days, you sit down to blog and this is what you come up with.

See you tomorrow!