Friday, May 30, 2014

The Gorilla is Only Afraid of Fire... Although He Should Consider Being Afraid of Bullets

Let's finish the week with a finish of Golden Age Blue Beetle #10!:

So that's what happened to Kooba Cola!  Mystery solved!

Let's move on to something awesome:

I swear to you, I did not put in the "p" before the word, "lumbers."  I can only assume the monster is indeed a plumber.

Enough of that.  Who is this mysterious stranger?:

Why it's none other than...

THE Gorilla!  And as you can see, he's decided to follow up on his threat to cause problems by taking over organized crime.  But, as is often the case, he failed to factor that although he may be a gorilla...

... that neither makes you fireproof...

... nor bulletproof.

I think he got shot the last time we saw him.  You'd think he'd remember something like that, but he's probably got a lot on his mind.

Yeah, yeah.   We get it.  Revenge!  REVENGE! (tm!)

See you Monday!

Thursday, May 29, 2014

The Blue Beetle Doesn't Meet the Cavity Creeps... But Wouldn't That be Awesome?

Over the weekend, I said to Beloved in all seriousness: "Well, clearly we're not smart enough for corn on the cob."  That's a little real-world Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) for you there.

Meanwhile, what's going on in Golden Age Blue Beetle #10?  I'm glad you asked:

You know, I can understand a little show of superior firepower if that's going to psyche your opponent out, but it seems like he's crossed the line into giving away all his secrets.  Vitamin 2x, you say?  Igor, look that up on the Google!

Anyway, this brings us to a double-feature of He Probably Should Have Seen That Coming! (tm!)

Sure, he was just trying to kill you, but why not have a seat and chat?

Yes, go on.

As the Blue Beetle...

... Probably Should Have Seen That Coming! (tm!)

Remember what I said earlier about how the Blue Beetle probably shouldn't blab everything about his arsenal?


And now for part 2:

Okay, first... The guy has fangs.  You shouldn't follow him anywhere.

And secondly, the expression on the guy's face tells me he wants to make a music box out of my chest cavity.  For an ace reporter, Joan is pretty unobservant.

So, let's say it together:


... Probably Should Have Seen That Coming! (tm!)

And what kind of an arch-villain name is "Sugar," anyway?  Know it made me think of?  This:

And since I'm on the subject:

It's really sad that I can vividly remember things people now think of as "vintage."  The calendar has its way with us all, I suppose.

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Supergirl's Romance with a Mass of Protoplasm

Today's posts come courtesy of Action Comics #320, with Lois Lane, a serious journalist, a career woman who sets an example for young women by taking on the man's world on her own, uncompromising terms:

What's extra funny about that is who is telling her to go make lunch.  It's not like Thor is saying, "Fair wench, maketh me a sandwich!"  My own Beloved would happily make Thor a sandwich and give him a foot rub while he ate it.  But this is Clark Kent, who Lois hasn't exactly had the hots for over the previous twenty-five years.  But Clark is a man, and when a man says get to cookin'... well, Lois clearly knows her place.

Here's something I just don't think is possible:

Yeah, that's Superman disguised as the evil "Omni-Menace" and that's Samson.  Don't ask.  Anyway:

As I'm always looking to expand my intellectual horizons, I hit The Google to see if it was possible to have one's hair blown off one's head.  To my surprise, there was no autofill when I typed in this question.

I'm thinking that Samson's hair in particular, considering the legendary divine properties it supposedly had, would be attached even more than your average guy's pompadour.  So... Shenanigans! (tm!)

On to the Supergirl story.  Look, Supergirl's in love:

I'm just a young woman in my physical prime wearing a mini-skirt!  It's so amazing that he's attracted to me!

This just goes to show you that if you like someone, they can do no wrong and vice versa.  I guarantee you that if a three hundred pound kid with a hyperactive mucus gland slurped out that same, "Your beauty is super as well," line, Supergirl wouldn't find him so "gallant" and "charming."  I should know this, because I'm gallant and charming but women have always found me very easy to resist.


Hmmm... I see lots of cats in Supergirl's future.

Yeah, that was a total accident, I'm sure.  Oh, no!  You broke my heart and that ray just happened to be deflected in your specific direction!  The two events are totally unrelated, I assure you!  

Don't cross a woman, fellas.  They'll jack you up.

He's melting.  MELTING!



And then, in a startling turn of events:

Okay, maybe that last thing wasn't actually part of the story.  But how awesome would that have been?

I'll never forget you, Randor!

Annnnnd she never thinks or speaks of him ever again. 

 I presume the monument was pulverized when it collided with some other flying space rock.  That's the cruel truth about love and asteroid belts.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The Man Dies, But the Ape Lives On!

There's only one way to properly get back into the swing of things after a three-day weekend... GORILLAS!

Or, to be more accurate, The Gorilla, who made his debut in Golden Age Blue Beetle #9:

Yup... it was very Frankenstein-ish, but there are only so many origin stories floating around (even in 1941), so that's what we're going with.

The guy who eventually became THE Gorilla wasn't a particularly nice fella.  He was actually the evil Dr. Brock's lab assistant, so he was certainly a party to all of the kidnappings and the unpleasantness that followed.

But, as is often the case, a woman divided them:

And I guess the good doctor didn't take "Mad Scientist 101" at university, because, as we like to say around here:

He Probably Should Have Seen That Coming. (tm!)

But rats don't die in their own... you know what?  You're a gorilla.  Mix your metaphors all you like.

But there was curve here.  I figured The Gorilla would become a hero of sorts.  Nope.  He's still cheesed that he was rejected by Dr. Brock's niece and... well, there's that whole "You killed my human body and now I'm a gorilla" thing:

Revenge.  REVENGE! (tm!)

I'm not sure why he's so cheesed.  Gorillas are physically superior to us in dang near every way, aren't they?  There are worse places your brain can end up.  Although in comics, it seems like your transplanted brain is always going to end up somewhere that gives you some varying level of super-powers.  It's kind of the law.

Hey!  It's an appearance by Kooba Cola!

Get your free giant bottle of something that doesn't exist!  The New Drink!  The New Thrill!  The New Flavor (that we haven't figured out yet)!  "Drink to Me Only with Kooba... America's Favorite Cola Drink!"

I love the disclaimer: "The Kooba Corporation... assumes no liability in the event coupon is not redeemable."

I also love that back in the day, a 12 ounce bottle was big enough for two.  By that logic, a family of six could have gotten by on a Big Gulp.  How things do change...

See you tomorrow!

Friday, May 23, 2014

An Archie Christmas in May!

Dear Ones, there won't be a post on Monday because of the Memorial Day holiday, so I'll see you Tuesday!


If I had any kind of organization or discipline, I would save these for six months for some sort of special Christmas post.  But I know they'll only get lost, so courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis, let's round out the week with some panels from the Archie Giant series:

Man, I don't know what's going on there, but Archie is really into it.

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

... yes, it was the Christmas I got to spend making a formal statement at the local police precinct!  Good times, good times!  

I'm... not going to say anything about that one.  Not that I can't.  I'm just not gonna. 

Not that Veronica didn't deserve it on a regular basis, but dang, Archie!

Don't ever do that, fellas.  In fact, don't do pretty much anything you see portrayed on this blog, ever.

Great stuff, Robert!

See you Tuesday!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

The Puppeteer and His... Whatever That Bird Is.

One thing my look at Golden Age Blue Beetle comics (in this case, issue #46) has proven is how many characters that I, a comic book nerd of over forty years now, have never heard of.

Such is the case with the Puppeteer:

Not surprisingly considering the chest emblem, he was known in other appearances as "Captain V."  Why was he called the Puppeteer?  Because the man liked puppets.  Yes, that is the only reason.

Further identity issues came from his bald eagle sidekick whom everyone referred to as a raven:

Yeah, he's got a black body, and I'm no ornithologist, but that sure looks more like an eagle than a raven.  Anyway, the eagle raven plays Beethoven's Fifth symphony on that magic organ in the back of the Puppeteer's puppet shop, and it gives him super-powers.

You may now insert your own "magic organ" joke here.  My own preference is: "I have a magic organ."  "That's what HE said!"

This is Beethoven's Fifth, by the way.

Well, this is Beethoven's Fifth performed disco-style.  I can't give you the real version because that would introduce a lot more class to this blog than I would feel comfortable with.

Anyway, Alan Hale is his secret ID before he becomes the "all powerful Puppeteer."

His powers basically were super-strength  and flying through something called a V-Beam that seemed to originate from nowhere in particular.

His only known weakness was apparently a kick to the 'nards:

I mean, it wouldn't take him out of the fight like one might assume, but it's obviously very jarring.

Yeah, I don't blame you.  Getting kicked in the 'nards once would be plenty for me.

See you tomorrow!