Friday, December 21, 2012

"I Can Solve this Murder More Quickly if I am Murdered Myself" and Other Questionable CSI Techniques

Okay, my lovelies, here's the deal: I am taking off for holiday vacay, so I'll be back on January 1st to ring in a new year!  I hope everyone has a great holiday season for faiths of all stripes!  Thanks again to everyone.  I'm still amazed that more folks are reading now than ever before, and that's so encouraging I can't even describe it.  Each and every one of you were a gift this year!

But before we say good-bye to 2012, let us finish up Pep Comics #6, starting with Sgt. (Effin') Boyle with some Fun with Out of Context Artwork! (tm!):

It's really funnier if I just kind of move on to the next thing, so I will.  Which means it's off to the Kayo Ward story and more Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

"Tie me up?" "Get these clothes off?"

Kayo's lapse was going to prove disastrous indeed!  I'm not at all comfortable with where that's going.  It brings to mind Ned Beatty in Deliverance. 

Lastly and perhaps leastly, we have Bentley of Scotland Yard.

Okay, follow me.  John Baker peers into an open furnace and...

... okay, got it?  Remember that because it's important.

Keep it in mind as I make a totally unrelated joke:

Barney Reyman and John Baker both had a weakness for Disembodied Floating Heads (tm!).

Okay, back to the furnace thing.  Now his son does the exact same thing his father did and....

See the pattern here?


And then Bentley decides that the only way to learn their fate is to....

This is really not Bentley's finest hour.  Sadly, he survives.  As usual, things get way too wordy for me to learn who was doing what and why, but I'm sure it made more sense than sticking your face in a furnace.

And that's it for me, Dear Ones!  I'll see you January 1st!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Fuse is Lit! ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz!

So I'm reading only the sixth story of the Press Guardian courtesy of Pep Comics #6, and what's the first thing I see?

That HEY!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

Okay, so you're saying to yourself that Adam doctored that one.  And I kind of did, but I kind of didn't.  You see, she was at crotch-level in the panel that had the caption box, but she was talking and totally ruining the bit (women... they're always talking and ruining the bit).  So, we went for the panel where she was still on her knees and at crotch-level, without her yappin'.

And guess what the Press Guardian does again?  He lifts a guy over his head.

And I don't care how many times he does it, this is shenanigans.  This character has displayed super-strength and bullet resistance without a smidgen of explanation, and this is the sixth installment of the series.  I'd better get some answers soon.  I'd just better, that's all.

And we have an actual cliffhanger!  Thusly:

Okay, that's a fuse of gunpowder, so I get that.  What I'm not understanding is why the gunpowder is making all the sleepy noises.  Shouldn't it be making hissing noises?  Do you think they meant to do a bunch of "s" letters for sound effects and got it backwards?  If so, that's some pretty sad editing there.  The gunpowder sounds as bored as we are with the Press Guardian and his silliness.

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A Mess of Mulligatawny Worthy O' St. Patrick Himself!

Okay, so we're at the sixth issue of Pep Comics, and the Comet still hasn't cleared his name.  Everything was okay when he was just executing suspects left and right, but... you know.

Anyway, the Comet has come up with a new plot device mission:

Of course he has a plan: He puts on a civilian disguise.  I'm kind of surprised that his new sidekick Thelma didn't figure that one out on her own, but... you know, she's a woman and all.

Yes, those mobile plans can be difficult. They give you that free phone and then...

Oh, wait.  There were no mobile phones back then.

It turns out Mrs. O'Hara doesn't read things before she signs them, because.... well, she's a woman.

Really?  I'd like to think that if I were murdered, Beloved wouldn't be so quick to call it even for a financial windfall.  But... well, she's a woman.

Anyway, the Comet hires a crack legal team to establish contractual fraud  finds the guy and threatens him:

Oh, yeah.  Whatever he writes under the threat of death will totally hold up in court.  This will solve everything.

And, as a random aside, I think this officer has pooped his pants:

I mean, there's really only one reason to take that kind of stance if you're standing.  You know what I'm saying.  Don't act like you don't see it.

And Mrs. O'Hara is happy and stereotypically Irish:

Keep in mind, this is the guy who killed her husband, and no one knows that the Comet was hypnotized.  But now she's practically set up a room for him in her house.  I guess people just didn't hold a grudge for that sort of thing back in the day.

Ah, well.  See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

White Girl Breaks Loose from Torture Wheel!

So you're asking yourself, "What's up with the poll over there on the right?"

Well, here's the deal.  As you may or may not know, Gabe and I finished the awesome Hero Action Persons mini-series.  Thusly:

It's readily available on Amazon, Nook, Itunes, Comixology and  But those are only digital copies.

We are planning to put together some print copies for those who would be interested in going that route.  However, the big question is whether we should put them out in individual issues or as a trade paperback of the entire 200 page saga.

One thing to point out is that only the digital copies will have Ru's glorious color at this time.  We would love to print these things in color, but it's cost-prohibitive for a small-time operation like us.  For example, a full-color TPB would have to cost around $33 while we could offer the same thing in grayscale for a much more recession-friendly $14.99.

Anyway, please take a moment and let us know how you would be more inclined to buy this little bit of awesomeness.

Now, back to the blog and Pep Comics #6:

The Shield....

.... can't wait for the elevator.

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out-of-Context Artwork!(tm!):

Maybe not, but if he's got you in that position, I'll bet he expects you to cuddle.

And hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue!(tm!):

Suddenly, indeed!

Hey, Shield!  Can you help me with these secret panels?

Okay, okay... can you at least grab me some toothpicks before you...

... man, you're in a hurry today.  Why all the rush?

Oh.  All right, then.

See you tomorrow!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Peculiar Salads!

Finishing up All-Flash Quarterly #12....

.... well, you start seeing strange things when you eat the peculiar salad.  Just say no, kids!

So, the Resentful District Attorney Clifford Devoe becomes the Thinker.  Fanboys will note that DC would recycle the name later in the Silver Age (not to be confused with Marvel's "Mad Thinker").  Turns out he doesn't think things through very well, especially for an attorney, so the name might be ironic (like if someone called me "Slim").

See, it's bad enough that he was busted for the crimes Jay knew about, but he willingly coughs up evidence of other crimes he was plotting.  The best doctors make the worst patients, I suppose.

Jay sure loves salad.

See you tomorrow!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Sure, I Could Capture Criminals without Causing Major Property Damage, but Where's the Fun in That?

A few more moments from All-Flash #12:

Okay, I'm just not buying that Jay can throw human beings through the wall of a bank safe and not kill them. They can draw in as many wiggly lines as they like, he totally snuffed those poor bastards.

I, for one, don't just love the "Three Dimwits," but every once in a while, they tickle me:

Okay, that's just funny.

Lastly, I've heard some rumblings as to where Keystone City is, but I have conclusive proof...

... that it's in Texas.

Whee!  That's enough silliness for one day!  See you Monday!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Every District Attorney is One Lost Case Away from Villainy!

I have to admit I've been a little disappointed in All-Flash Quarterly.  Sure, there have been some bright spots, but for every Roy Revenge there has been a slew of generic gangster bad guys that painfully proved to me once again that a hero is only as interesting as the villains he fights.  Which is why Batman is so awesome and Superman is so lame. 

But every so often, just when I'm about to dutifully go through an issue of All-Flash Quarterly with zero expectations, I'm given issue #12.

HUNK NORVOCK!  That is the greatest name ever.

And this is the worst district attorney ever:

Wow.  Way to fold up your tent there, Clifford.  It's one thing to see that your case is in trouble, but it's a whole 'nuther thing to waive a white flag once you're in trial.  Clifford lost some serious cred there with the public who holds an election every four years to determine whether or not Clifford will still be doing that job.  Thusly:

I don't know why Clifford is looking all resentful.  The man did everything short of wet his pants and lay in the fetal position in the middle of the courtroom.  Did he expect anything else?

But then Clifford goes completely off the rails and decides that not only is being a prosecutor not his bag, but he's now going to resort to a life of crime.  Of course, he could always just do something else in the legal profession, go back to school and enter a different profession... there are many attractive options out there.  But not Clifford.

Clifford likes him some whiskey and rye, it appears.

So, I'm singin' "Bye, bye, Mr. Prosecutor Guy,
In a hurry, told the jury
Norvack's witness wouldn't lie
And now your career has taken a dive
I guess now you'll lead a life of criiiiiiiime
Soon as you finish your whiskey and ryeeeeeeee"

It took me a few minutes to come up with something that would fit into the chorus of "American Pie" like that.  If Clifford had put that kind of effort into preparing his case, he wouldn't be staring resentfully into his shot glass like that.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Slup! Slup! Slup! Giff Me MORE!

From Pep Comics #4....

They may be courageous, but the Tong hasn't figured out the "work smarter, not harder" approach.  If you can't fight back against the brass warriors, why not just shoot their flesh-and-bone commander?  She threatens your life... you shoot her!

Maybe it's a cultural thing.

And if you weren't inclined to shoot her before, I give you:

In other words, Fu Chang (... International Detective) can do all the heavy lifting while Princess just sits there and looks pretty.  What a deal!

Are you ready for another team-up?  Because the Midshipman meets the Wizard!  Or The Midshipman meets The Wizard!  Either way, buckle your seatbelts! 

I'm starting to see why most characters from the Silver Age forward duke it out when they first meet one another, because that was pretty lame.  And my expectations for a team-up between the Wizard and the Midshipman were pretty dang low to begin with.

The only thing that can salvage this for me is a shot of a Nazi Officer getting a tub of Saurbraten on his head.

Oh, comics.... you always come through for me just when I need you the most.

Monday, December 10, 2012

All the News We Think You Need to Know!

So I'm reading my fourth "Press Guardian" story, and I'm more convinced than ever that they're just making things up as the go along.  We've already changed the main character's name and costume, so anything goes. 

For example:

So the girl he rescued from the Moroniabund figured out who the Press Guardian was... probably because he waltzed around without a mask in front of her last issue.  But who is Perry's valet?  Heck if I know, and I've been reading this from the beginning!

Well, it's not the greatest mystery.  His name is "The Press Guardian," and he only seems to be interested in things that directly affect his father's newspaper.  And he usually wears the same suit after he puts his mask on, and it's a really pronounced green color.  You don't exactly need a Rosetta Stone to figure this one out.

Anyway, on to more pressing questions, like...

How is he able to shrug off bullets?  That has yet to be explained and since they keep going back to that ability, they really need to explain it.  It's starting to grind my gears a bit.

And now, an off-screen death:

Well, that was quite an afterthought.  When and how did the leader of the graft ring kill himself?  It seems like a story centered on the art of journalism would be a bit more forthcoming in the details.  This must have been the predecessor of Fox News.  ZING!

See you tomorrow!

Friday, December 7, 2012

Yay! I Cut Off a Man's Leg! I'm the Best Hero EVER!

Following up with yesterday's teaser, Pep Comics #4 did indeed have a cross-over between the Shield and the Wizard.  Or is it The Shield and The Wizard?

Anyway, here it is:

And they exchanged info and went their separate ways.

I'm not picking on this story for going in that direction.  Heck, the Justice Society spent 80% of their time on solo missions before actually teaming up.  Remember how many issues of World's Finest it took before Superman and Batman actually got together aside from the covers?  That was just how they rolled back in the Golden Age.

What I noticed was how civilized everyone was in their first meeting.  If this had been a Stan Lee comic, the two would have beaten each other half to death and caused at least a couple of million dollars in property damage before declaring a draw.

Anyway, the Shield story was pretty weak, so on to the Comet.  Or is it The Comet?  There has to be a rule here, but dang if I know what it is, and I have a degree (cum laude, no less) in English.

The Comet, you may recall, is on the run after going on a killing spree whilst under the influence of hypnosis. So, he finds himself out in the sticks where some kind of mining is taking place.

So he amputates that poor guy's leg and is actually feeling pretty good about it.  The camera cut away from the poor guy languishing in pain, clutching his stump in agony while the Comet flew off in a moment of self-congratulation.  Of course, one wonders why he didn't try to disintegrate the ground under the guys leg to try wriggling it out, but I'm not the guy with the lifty visor.

The bottom line: The Comet gives up fighting crime to work for the Occupational Health and Safety Administration:

No, not really.  But wouldn't that have been hilarious?

See you Monday!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

My Super Brain, Drugs, and the Metric System

Apparently, the qualifications for having a "super-brain," were a bit lower back in the day:

So we're supposed to get all weak in the knees because he correctly identified three people in uniform/costume?  Slow down, Wizard!  Let me catch my breath!  

And he even correctly identified himself. 

And now, a public service message from Fu Chang.... International Detective:

It's like every Afterschool Special I ever watched.

Meanwhile, let's check in on Sgt. Effin' Boyle...

Ten to one... or as we count here in the USA, three to one.  That Metric System gets a little complicated when you try to convert it to ours.

That reminds me... remember the Metric Marvels?

This was back in the day when we were going to convert to the Metric System.  The system itself was actually easy to grasp, but everyone insisted that you had to know the formulas to convert our current system to Metric and vice versa.  That involved a lot of math, and we as a culture just weren't going to do that.  Had they just said, "We're following the Metric System now," and switched everything, it probably would have worked out.  But some people just won't relax unless you're forced to do things the hard way.


See?  5/8th of a mile?  Screw you, Metric System!

Ah, memories.

See you tomorrow!