Friday, March 30, 2007


It's so much harder to stay behind and wait! Pfffffft. I think that's something women made up to justify sleeping with the blacksmith while their husbands fought in the Crusades.

Say that Again?

Sue and _____ are going on a trip, you say? I'm not sure, but I think Reed just gave Sue a quarter to go to the movies and get out of his hair.

Go on a trip with (mumblemumble) to (rasamfrasam) and bring me back a full report!

Could you repeat that Reed, I didn't hear....


Uh, okay.... I'll be back when I have the information.

It's like he sent her on a snipe hunt.

Fear Basic Mathematics!

Ben, Sue and Johnny look awfully frightened at the concept that "1 from 4 = 3!!!"

You know that next week all three of them will be on Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Reed Richards, Big Sport

What, Reed? She can keep the costume, after she begged you? Whatta guy!

Seems only fitting, since you made her make it herself about 30 issues earlier.

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 16

Well, it'll give the kids something to match the tank they bought earlier. Is Haliburton running Toys-R-Us these days?

Hazing, Fantastic Four Style

Before the JLA started letting in everyone this side of Swamp Thing, you had to go through an *ahem* initiation process. I'm not sure exactly what's going on here, but there's a reason the FF roster didn't change that often.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

What Just Happened There?.... pt 5

I don't even wanna know what part of his body Johnny sent that flame from....

Someone Call Social Services!

Really, Torch, your fire is inches away from the baby's exposed arm. Can you put a cork in it for two seconds?

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 15

Has always been, and still is, America's favorite pet.

Ah, a boy and his racoon. I can remember going to sleep at night, my faithful racoon slumbering at the foot of my bed, then waking up with my face clawed down to my brains.

Good times... good times.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

What Just Happened There?.... pt 4

That's a pretty awkward way to mark someone for cement shoes. I mean, you have to position the guy so that he stands on your left side while you reach over and grab his chin in a fist-like motion.... are you marking the guy for death or dancing the lambada?

He gave me the Maggia Touch.... I am doomed! And strangely aroused!

Reed and Sue Richards, Rednecks pt. 3

You'll think what ah tell you to think, when I tell you to think it, woman! Now, fetch me some corn squeezin's....

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 14

Apparently, there is a direct co-relation between bad skin and the inability to dance. If you clear up your skin, you'll be shakin' your groove thang in no time!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Costume Hall of Shame - Risk

A teal blouse. Yup, that's the team's powerhouse. Wearing a teal blouse.

Nothing sends bad guys running for the hills like the lead singer from O-Town coming at you in a teal blouse and knee-highs. Fear my seafoam-colored wrath!

Ben has a Point

You know, I do wonder why there aren't more incidental fire injuries and/or damages where the FF is concerned. If someone I was hanging around with burst into flame, I'm sure I'd be sporting many a skin graft.

Ben Grimm, Dancing Machine

If I could get the original artwork on this, I'd have it hanging above my fireplace.

Friday, March 23, 2007

I'm Not Proud of This

Make up your mind.... would it have been water or curtains?

Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week! Try the lamb chops, and don't forget to tip your waitress!

Fishing for Mixed Metaphors

Okay, guns have triggers. Bombs have fuses. Or, in the alternative, we would have accepted detonators. Thank you for playing.

I'm Not Trying to Tell You How To Run Your Railroad, pt. 7

... but that's a pretty strange law you have on your books. Someone commits vandalism, demands an audience with your leader (in his own palace no less), and you have to let him? Are they in France or something?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Separated at Birth?

Go ahead. Tell me I'm wrong, if you can.

Sue's Hair

Not much to say here.... but that is some seriously poofy hair.

That's What HE Said!

I really can't argue that only the mighty Stimulator can rouse the Nameless Mass.... I just don't know that this isn't something best kept to oneself.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The WHAT Boutique?

Was there ever really such a thing as a "Young Married's" boutique? If so, was there ever such a thing as the "Unwed Mother's" boutique? It seems like women had to answer an awful lot of nosy questions just to buy clothes....

I'm Not Trying to Tell You How To Run Your Railroad, pt. 6

.... but Cap Jr. can fly. I guess she's right -- he'll never get her if he just stands there (which he does).

But Cap Jr. can fly. I mean, that's one of the first things you think of when someone asks what Captain Marvel can do - he's super-strong and can fly. Those are the big two!

I need an aspirin....

The Castration of Ben Grimm

Ben, I understand you don't want to smack a woman, but seriously.... it's a freakin' robot! Yeesh! That made my eyes roll so far into my head I can see my own brain.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

It Worked on General Hospital, pt. 4

This is just so wrong. It's taken completely out of context, and I would just like to apologize to everyone, including myself.

Political Correctness

Do you think this is something Freddy can get away with because he's also disabled? I mean, I'd never go into a room and say, "Look at all the cripples! Dang that's a lot of gimps!"

What Just Happened There?.... pt 3

I think they're telling each other off, but I'm not sure.

In your hat!

Go cry in your cheerie oats!

Your father's moustache!

Aw, go buy a copy of the Saturday Evening Post!

Oh yeah? Well, some settling of the contents of this product may have occured during shipment!

How do you know when this fight is over, exactly?

Monday, March 19, 2007

Defeated by My Own Narrative!

Seriously, Cap Jr. Did you think she was just going to stand there the whole time you said all that and wait for you to haul her off to the hoosegow? Even in the '40s, I don't think villains were that polite.

Costume Hall of Shame - Black Crow

I don't know if he was much of a character, but why is it that a Native American character has to run around half-naked? And the weapon has to be a bow of some sort, because Native Americans can't possibly master any other type of weaponry. That's why all Caucasian characters carry a blunderbuss.

Oh, my. Oh, my my....


I realize this was the last issue of The Young All-Stars, and they were just phoning it in, but this is the lamest full-panel "we're gonna whup some booty" page I've ever seen. It's like the artist wanted to be absolutely certain we weren't going to miss Young All-Stars under any circumstances. When you have that many members of the JSA on the page and you can barely focus on it, you've really accomplished something. You haven't accomplished anything good, but you've accomplished something nonetheless.

I especially find this depiction of Fury oddly appropriate. She was supposed to be one of the big powerhouses of the team, but here she's just going to give her enemies the Sorority-Girl Bitchy Sneer of Doom. Then again, that's pretty much all Fury had been for the past 30 issues.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Protect the King!

I know Reed is supposed to be some great leader, but I'd think twice about following anyone who was hugging the floor while telling me to sit up where I could get picked off.

Reed Richards, Legal Scholar

I'm not saying your knowledge is limted to test tubes, Reed, but there are laws against such things. The Mole Man had assault with a weapon, attempted mayhem, conspiracy to overthrow the government.... And a person can not be arrested for illegal parking. Science types just assume they know everything about everything.

Oh, Sue, Give it a Rest...

Reed almost dies and Sue's the one who collapses. *Sigh*

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Greg Brady Moment Number 1

I'm not claiming for one minute that I invented the term, "Greg Brady Moment." But, for those of you who actually have lives and don't spend every minute surfing blogs and message boards, a "Greg Brady Moment" occurs where (1) characters who acquire super-powers inexplicably know how to use them perfectly from the onset or (2) characters use powers they never had before and never use again. This originates from the famous "Brady Bunch in Hawaii" storyline where Greg Brady enters a surfing competition and, even though he had never previously been seen surfing and never talked about it, was adept enough to compete. This is a famous example of the never-before seen power of the Thing - super breath:

If memory serves, even Stan Lee admitted this wasn't one of the Thing's powers in The Mighty Marvel No-Prize Book and this was never seen again.

So, while I don't claim credit for spotting that one, I do see another example of this in that very same issue of Fantastic Four:

Okay, when did Reed become fireproof? Never. And never again. Score one GBM for me!

Not to Nit-Pick, but....

This is another fairly famous panel for giving Reed a second left hand, and a HUGE one at that, but that's not my problem with it. What I want to know is, how does Alicia know everybody made it back okay? She's blind, and not everyone spoke. Then again, the only one who was unaccounted for was Crystal, and she was easy to ignore.

Okay, so it isn't that big of a deal, but check out that HUGE second left hand!

I Beg Your Pardon?

He has a what in that staff? Seriously, have you ever used the term "vibro-charge" in your life? But there Reed is, sounding like it's as common an add-on as anti-lock brakes.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

And now, a Word from Victor Von Doom....

My name is Victor Von Doom, and I approved this message. Rock the vote in '08!

Reed Richards, Good Ol' Boy

I sent Crystal to tend to them there women-folk. Now you young'uns help me plow the back nine!

Goodness... all he needs is a chaw of tobackey and a hayseed sticking out of his mouth.

Another Bad Habit Kicked

Dear Hasbro,

My name is Adam and I'm a fanboy. I collect many things comic-related. I have a Super-Friends table cloth from 1976. I have the JLA version of Monopoly. I have the entire WB line of DC beanie babies. I have more action figures than you can shake a stick at, from Total Justice to DC Direct to Marvel Legends.

Thank you for helping me break my Marvel Legends habit. I bought many, many figures when they were made by ToyBiz. I was shelling out $7.98 a pop on at least 2 or 3 figures each wave. I admit, I was out of control.

Then, you came along and expected me to pay $12.99 for this:

It was a close call for me. I've always been a Banshee fan, especially in that original outfit. The only way I wouldn't buy a long-awaited Banshee figure would be if it (a) looked like crap and (b) was over-priced. You totally came through on both counts. It's as ugly as a camel's foot and there is no way I'm paying $12.99 in real-world dollars for a piece of plastic. Just not happening. Although my X-Men collection is missing one of my favorite characters, I feel like I have my life back. Thanks to you.

Much love,


Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Not as Amazing as He's Making It Sound, pt. 6

My fearsome genius has allowed me to create....the toupee! Fear me! For I am not only the President of the Super-Villain Hair Club, I am also a client!

Doom in '08!, pt 2

Hear me, simpletons! I am Doom, and not only am I apparently very large at times, but I should swing the female vote for I am capable of establishing an entire city for you like this one, where there will only be one woman walking the streets, and although she is rather unattractive, she is happy, for she is the only woman in a city of men, and I will do the same for you. I defy, for I am Dooooooom! Rock the vote!

Like a What?

Excuse me, but melt them like a what? I'm not having breakfast at Stan Lee's house.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Confounded Phone!

I ain't exactly a logic professor here, Socrates, but I'll see if I can put it together.

I told them not to call me unless it's an emergency!

They're calling me!

What can it be?

I dunno... maybe an emergency?

Doom Would Never Let Us Free, Unless....

.... from the looks of things, Doom wants you free so he can sell you a silly hat. Latvertia ain't exactly Paris, I see....

Doom in '08!

Wouldn't a debate between him and Howard Dean be awesome?

Doom, I'm going to take Utah, and then Wyoming, and then Minnesota.... yeeeeeeHAW!

Cretin! You will kneel before the power of Doom!

Then, Doom would nuke Wyoming back to the Stone Age to make his point. Dean would subsequently condemn Doom's actions via a full-page ad in Entertainment Weekly.

Who would win? Whoever spoke out against abortions and gay marriage. I'm pulling for Doom. For no one knows what's best for me.... except my mighty sovereign, Dr. Doom! Rock the vote!

Friday, March 9, 2007

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 13

Another questionable marketing decision. How many 10 year-old boys reading comics in the 60's worried that they were too skinny? Or not filling out a bikini, for that matter?

We still have these things today, only we call them "Skittles."