Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Problems at Home, Stan? pt 5

The honeymoon's overrrrrr......

I'm Not Saying I Could Do Any Better.... pt 4

But this is the most awkward sign of affection I've ever seen.

I Have a Question.... pt 10

If the Inhumans feel they have to be alert for any gesture, what happens if Black Bolt has to itch his butt or pick his nose? Do they wage war on mankind?

At Least He Wasn't Drunk, pt 4

.... because, as we all know, the only way a Native American can be successful is through oil holdings, casinos, or smoke shops.

Oh, Stan. Stan, Stan, Stan...

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The New Column is Online!

Dear Ones,

The new column at panel2panel is up and running, and will be updated every Friday. It's called The Procrastinator, and I give a more in-depth look at books of old that are worth talking about or trashing about. Check it out!

Of course, this will have no effect on the daily num-nums you get here at Comics Make No Sense. I just have too much time on my hands.


I Am Woman, pt. 8

When Stan writes dialogue for Sue, I'd swear he never met a woman in his life.

What Just Happened There?.... pt 2

I'm not sure what kind of move Doom made there. Is he trying to catch the Surfer with his foot, or what?

Stan Lee, Proud American... pt. 2

In Stan Lee's world, the Russians never do anything because it's the right thing to do. Only if there is a "propaganda victory" will they get involved.

At Least He Wasn't Drunk, pt 3

Levers A, then B? In that order? And someone had to explain this to you? Go back to sleep, Wyatt.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Reed and Sue Richards, Rednecks pt. 2

Remember that, boys and girls! Women are simply receptacles for physical pleasure, and nothing else!

Time Flows Differently in Comics, pt 2

Why don't people in comics ever turn around when they know something is behind them before talking about how something is behind them? It just doesn't take that long to turn around as opposed to talking about turning around.

Why is THAT Relevant???, pt. 2

I don't know about you, but if people announce my heritage before they even say my name, I feel a little objectified.

Oh, Stan. Stan, Stan, Stan.

What's Going on in That Bathtub?

I understand that Johnny has his left hand on fire while it dangles near his crotch for some reason, but I don't know what's going on with all the other red trails in the water and creeping out of the tub. I don't need an explanation, but I do need that tub sandblasted before I take a bath in it!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Character Hall of Fame - Lockjaw

Coolest.... superhero.... ever.

Once again.... coolest.... superhero..... ever.

Reed Richards, Master

You may be micro-managing a bit there, Reed. I'm pretty sure the Thing knows how to make a fist and throw a punch.

Lame Super Power Hall of Shame - Triton

Um.... I don't know how helpful it is to be able to locate seaweed on the ocean floor. Besides, I could locate seaweed on the ocean floor.... that's where the seaweed is! Find me seaweed in the middle of the Painted Desert, and I'll be impressed.

Reed and Sue Richards, Rednecks

Wow.... slap a sleeveless shirt on Reed, throw a Looney Toons T-shirt on Sue, and they could be from the Ozarks.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Exasperated Sigh of Reed Richards

So, once AGAIN I've got to come up with a solution! Wow, Reed, if you're going to be all snippy about it, we'll sub-contract or something....

Costume Hall of Shame - The Sandman

Ok, it's not like the original green-stripey shirt was the talk of the town in Paris, but it is positively chic compared to this thing. Since the Sandman was walking around without a mask for the first several years, it seems kind of silly that he would start worrying about covering his face now.

The "mixing chemicals with my sand to do funky things" angle was supposed to make him more super-villainish, but it failed miserably. The Sandman is a very tough customer in the Marvel Universe, and the attempt to make him a second-string Metamorpho was distracting and silly. Besides, as seen in the pic above, when he used those powers, he would leave little pieces of himself all over the place. Was he planning on coming back later and recouping the sand he used? I just didn't get it.

What Did You Just Say?, pt 3

No, Ben.... when you are on super heroin, there is no coffee break. Maybe if you were on super marijuana...

A Thousand Words is Worth a Picture, Right?, pt 2

This isn't really that funny in context.... but out of context, it's hilarious!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I Call Shenanigans!, pt 2

There is no way Sue has the word "obdurate" in her vocabulary. I don't believe Reed uses that word, much less Sue.

My Super-Villain Origin, pt 2

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer the little chain put on pens to keep me from walking off with them. I was at the bank the other day, and instead of a chain, it had this big plastic spoon taped to it.

It occured to me that this only encourages me to steal the pen. If I didn't have enough sense to remember something like a pen when I left the house, I sure didn't think to bring a plastic spoon. And you never know, I might run across some pudding. Then I'd be glad I swiped the pen-spoon!

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 8

Not that I'm slamming on astronauts, but they aren't exactly Navy Seals, know what I mean?

Even Brand-New Villains Know....

.... that Sue's role on the team is Designated Hostage.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I Stand Corrected, pt 2

Yeah, Reed.... it's an illusion that looks just like Dr. Doom.... that more than one person sees.... only Sue would be stupid enough to accept that explanation.

Then again, Sue is stupid enough to accept that explanation. Carry on.

Not as Amazing as He's Making It Sound, pt. 5

I dunno, folks. If you're trying to sell a big ol' painting of something, maybe a black-and-white picture isn't the way to go about it. Just saying "the black-and-white picture doesn't do it justice" doesn't feed the bullfrog, know what I mean?

And what really slays me about this is the target market. I mean, is the average 10 year-old boy reading comics in the 1960's the one who makes major decorating decisions in the household? What are we going for here, exactly?

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 7

I don't know what the good people at Blair expect me to sell, but I love the way the 11 year-old Carl B. Rudd, Jr., is pimpin' that hat.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Boring Administrative Note Number 6

Because Monday is President's Day, there won't be another new posting until Tuesday the 20th. I'll look forward to seeing you then!

Not as Amazing as He's Making It Sound, pt. 4

Wow! A tape recorder? They are living high on the hog in the jungle! It's blowing my mind!

Seriously, Sue, can you be a little less Ugly American? I'm pretty sure they don't fling their own feces at one another, either.

Leave it to My Imagination, Please!, pt 2

I'm not sure what kind of equipment he's using in there, but if he's already figured out how to use something called an impregno-lock, I think we'd better leave him alone for a few minutes.

What HE Said!!!!.... pt 3

Yeah! No one hassles Reed's wife and lives!

Except the Trapster.

And Medusa.

And Namor.

And, of course, Dr. Doom. Can't forget Dr. Doom.

Oh yeah, and there was that one time that loser, the Miracle Man, got her as well. There was that time.

I'm pretty sure Captain Carrot took her down once as well. I'll have to research that one.

Yeah, we may need to amend that statement, Reed.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

What HE Said!!!!.... pt 2

And no one knows better than the guy from 12th Century England about the firing range of a polarizer gun shot through a plexiglass viewer, so pay attention!

That Can't Be What It Looks Like, pt 4

.... you can't tell me I'm the only one who thinks it looks like he's sitting on a toilet, complete with plunger sticking out of the front.

I'm Not Proud of This Joke...

"It's a magnetic-tension element powered by friction"? That's what HE said! Cha-Ching!

Hulk Hates Being Bombarded by the Media

.... Hulk will find stupid paper boy and show him Hulk meant business when Hulk told paper boy to put paper in mail slot!

Do as We Say, Not as We Do

Kids, smoking isn't cool. It's bad for you. Just say "no" to tobacco, the Marvel way!

That being said, doesn't T'Challa look bad-ass smoking that 'gert?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Someone Get A Thesaurus!, pt 4

Did Ben just call himself a "cracker"? I believe he did.

At Least He Wasn't Drunk, pt 2

He's just a redskin. Oh, Stan. Stan, Stan, Stan.

Was Stan Lee Paid by the Word?

Why not just say, "He ducked like a panther"? I had to read that sentence three times before I figured out what he was getting at.

At Least He Wasn't Drunk

I'm sure that many people would take issue with the Native American character being lazy, but at least he wasn't drunk. Just narcoleptic, apparently.

I Don't Know Where to Begin...

Flaming Ranger and oversized Tonto? Oh, my..... oh, my, my..... I'm as perplexed as T'Challa, there.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Her Eyes are Up There, Fella!

I don't know that Reed would get upset about the hug, Ben, but I do think he'd take issue with you staring at his wife's chest.

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 6

or should I ask, "Is there anything on this page I don't want?" I'm thinking I'll get the pet monkey, train him to ride seahorses, and play songs made from a poem he wrote on a guitar he learned to play in 7 days while singing in a he-man voice. You don't get stream-of-consciousness thoughts like that from the ads they use today.

That Can't Be What It Looks Like, pt 3

Maybe it's just my imagination, but it looks to me like Reed, contrary to what he's saying, is dragging a struggling Sue into the Negative Zone with him.

Why "The Power of Shazam!" was the Best Comic Book Ever

You just won't find scenes like that in X-Men.

"That's the Gearest"?

Ok, maybe "reet" is a word, and there is actually some historical basis to "Sportin' Life." Anyone want to try and explain, "That's the gearest"?

Monday, February 12, 2007

Stan Lee, Poet

oh, Stan..... we knew you had it in you, you silver-tongued devil!

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 5

They just don't put ads in like these any more. Look at all the cool stuff! Hey, waitasec.... what's that in the bottom-right corner, just above the coupon?

Holy jumping heck..... is that a cannon????

I don't know who these people are, but if they have a catalogue these days, I want to be on their mailing list.