Thursday, June 29, 2017

Kids Getting Knifed at Amusement Parks, Fluorescent Lipstick and Bar Fights!

Okay, I'm just so awash with this that and the other that I'm not even going to pretend to be organized.

Wow.  That is one of the laziest covers I've ever seen: A stock drawing of CMJ and some pasted panels from the inside stories.  Remember when that show Heroes lost a lot of it's budget and it just got kinda sad?  This.

Anyway, the following did not come from that issue of Master Comics.  I think they all came from issue 71, but no warranties expressed or implied.

I need a break!  Let's take the kids to Toyland!

I found that hilarious for some reason.  I'm not proud of this, but I did.  And let's remember, these are just drawings and no one actually got hurt.  If someone had actually been injured, I assure you I would have been aghast... although reading the police report might still elicit an involuntary chuckle.

As would this:

Whenever there's a plot device where something normal is turned into a death trap by upping the power, I can't help but wonder why these things have such high settings in the first place.  I mean, why would you have a setting more appropriate for a NASA 20 G centrifuge available on a kid's ride?

Moving on:

Okay, once I got past the notion that Mary Jane Fox is the only human being in the history of mankind to actually be discriminated against for being "too pretty," I wondered if someone was really selling "fluorescent lipstick."  Well,  here's another ad:

Sadly, I wasn't able to find much in the way of history of the product... but I'd be hesitant to put anything that "glows" on my skin unless we're speaking metaphorically.

Let's check in on R.C. and Quickie!

This strikes me as rather co-dependent.  Monk made a decision.  He doesn't need you getting into bar fights for him.

Well, apparently he does, so I stand corrected.  You'd think a guy named "Monk" could handle himself in a bar, but there you go.

Yeah, beating up bar patrons is thirsty work.  Now, does anyone not think that Monk's date is going to leave with R.C.?

So, who is this guy?  Well, his nickname was actually "Rocky," not "Red Ryder."  And you may be familiar with his name because he was in over 125 movies and TV shows from 1929 to 1966.  He is most famous for being the voice of "Mister Ed"!

See you soon, buckaroos! 

Monday, June 19, 2017

In Which We All Learn what Aquagenic Urticaria Is

Time to take a lookity-loo at Master Comics #68!

Well, with a cover like that, you know the CMJ story will have something in it, but first....

True that.  It never hurts to be reminded that we shouldn't be a chump.

Oh, wow... this is still a thing:

Hmmmm.... you know, I'm actually grooving on that purse.  Check it out:

I tried to find a photo of it, but no luck.  I would not only buy Beloved that purse, I would insist she carry it with here whenever she went anywhere with me.

Meanwhile, let's check in with Bulletman and Bulletgirl:

I'm starting to wonder if Bulletman doesn't have an inner ear problem or something.

Wow.  So the Bullets' biggest weakness is people who stop suddenly.  It's never what you think, and it's always more simple than you'd expect.

Enough of that.  Show me CMJ fighting a gorilla like the cover promised:


He was blinded with water?   He must suffer from aquagenic urticaria.  That's really a hardship.

And then this happened:

Hmmmm... that took quite a turn.  Then again, the guy suffered from aquagenic urticaria so he wasn't the luckiest person.  He probably shouldn't have tempted fate.

Hey, let's check in with Jim and Sis!

Well, that was a hard truth Tom laid on Jim, but that's what friends do.   Jim and Sis may not get invited to proms and parties, but he can count on Tom to give him the straight poop and Jim can take comfort in that.  That, and the fact that all the other kids in town are such superficial douchebags that they won't invite kids who have dermatological issues to social events.

See you soon!

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Meet a Bit-O-Honey!

I know I'm way behind, but I finally got around to reading All-Star Batman and Robin.  In a nutshell, it's tied for "worst Batman story ever" along with the "Death of the Family" crossover.

So, let's cleanse my palate with Master Comics #67:

Is this an authentic representation of armor?  Because if so, I think it'd be easy to slip around behind the guy and sever his Achilles tendon.  I mean, not to be too graphic or anything, but it looks like his weakness is all yellow and eye-catching and whatnot.

Anyway, like most comics, Master Comics struggled to find it's place in a post-WWII world:

But apparently, the folks at Master Comics weren't convinced we finished the job:

This is news to me.  Any history buffs out there want to bring us up to speed?

Wow.  Harsh.  Someone tell me if this criticism is warranted.  I suppose it could have been warranted at the time and then rendered moot by subsequent efforts, but I really don't know.  Hey, I write a comic blog.  You people are supposed to educate me.

Now here's something disturbing:

Where shall we begin?  I find the image disturbing for a little girl to offer something called a Bit-o-Honey to a boy pretending to be an authority figure.  And hey, kids!  Send off for a free course in numerology!  Learn all about the divine, mystical connotations of the number of letters in your name!  Yay!

Check out another kid with a bike name:

Wow... Merilee is pretty hardcore about keeping bike owners separate from non-bike owners.

I mean, it works out for Betty, I suppose:

Yes, Betty, you have been tentatively admitted to a group of girls who had no interest in you until you had a new bike.

See you soon!

Monday, June 5, 2017

The Return of.... Eh, I'm not Spoiling It

Time to check out Master Comics #66!  Hey, I think we're about halfway through Master Comics, so I need to figure out what we're going to do next!

Meanwhile, here's issue #66:

CMJ looks a little lost there.  Not that I don't understand it, considering one sand dune looks like the next.  Well, at least I would imagine they all look similar.  It's not like I've spent a lot of time in the desert.  I'm not much of a traveler.

Hey, Germany fell!  They never really mentioned it before, but here's my clue:

And take a look at this stuff:

I Googled that "magic folder" but didn't find anything.  I'd like to see it, but there it is.

Meanwhile, this ad got me curious:

This isn't my main question, but doesn't R.C. seem like he's really happy about the theater fire?  Are we sure he didn't start it?

I know you're waiting for me to put the video up for "We Didn't Start the Fire," but that ain't happening.


Okay, based on Quickie's obsession, are we 100% sure he didn't have some sort of substance abuse problem and he was using Royal Crown Cola as a way of coping?

Anyway... look who's back:

I know, right?  I never thought we'd see this guy again, but there he is.

That's probably a lot more profitable than his previous schtick.  

You look like an all right guy.  I don't judge a man based on helmets he wears under his hat.

But Dr. Carver isn't quite as obtuse...

But don't worry... Bulletgirl is out there!  Thusly:

Yeah.  That happened.

And since Bulletgirl tested me, here's her stellar performance from the previous issue: 


Let's check out an ad!

Wow... that is one of the most hideous things I've ever seen.  Whatever became of Janne of Hollywood?  Google isn't telling me anything.  That's twice, Google.

See you soon!