Thursday, June 29, 2017

Kids Getting Knifed at Amusement Parks, Fluorescent Lipstick and Bar Fights!

Okay, I'm just so awash with this that and the other that I'm not even going to pretend to be organized.

Wow.  That is one of the laziest covers I've ever seen: A stock drawing of CMJ and some pasted panels from the inside stories.  Remember when that show Heroes lost a lot of it's budget and it just got kinda sad?  This.

Anyway, the following did not come from that issue of Master Comics.  I think they all came from issue 71, but no warranties expressed or implied.

I need a break!  Let's take the kids to Toyland!

I found that hilarious for some reason.  I'm not proud of this, but I did.  And let's remember, these are just drawings and no one actually got hurt.  If someone had actually been injured, I assure you I would have been aghast... although reading the police report might still elicit an involuntary chuckle.

As would this:

Whenever there's a plot device where something normal is turned into a death trap by upping the power, I can't help but wonder why these things have such high settings in the first place.  I mean, why would you have a setting more appropriate for a NASA 20 G centrifuge available on a kid's ride?

Moving on:

Okay, once I got past the notion that Mary Jane Fox is the only human being in the history of mankind to actually be discriminated against for being "too pretty," I wondered if someone was really selling "fluorescent lipstick."  Well,  here's another ad:

Sadly, I wasn't able to find much in the way of history of the product... but I'd be hesitant to put anything that "glows" on my skin unless we're speaking metaphorically.

Let's check in on R.C. and Quickie!

This strikes me as rather co-dependent.  Monk made a decision.  He doesn't need you getting into bar fights for him.

Well, apparently he does, so I stand corrected.  You'd think a guy named "Monk" could handle himself in a bar, but there you go.

Yeah, beating up bar patrons is thirsty work.  Now, does anyone not think that Monk's date is going to leave with R.C.?

So, who is this guy?  Well, his nickname was actually "Rocky," not "Red Ryder."  And you may be familiar with his name because he was in over 125 movies and TV shows from 1929 to 1966.  He is most famous for being the voice of "Mister Ed"!

See you soon, buckaroos! 


Green Luthor said...

Is it just my imagination, or is that stock drawing of CMJ on Master Comics #69 the *exact* same picture of him that was used on #68 (in the previous post)? (Someone REALLY didn't want to put even an iota of effort into this, did they?)

Adam Barnett said...

Yeah, they recycled CMJ images with ridiculous frequency in the interior stories... to the point of distraction.

Evil said...

Wait, was any explanation ever offered for how and why that wooden soldier just started trying to hurt the kids?

Cflmaior said...

@ Evil: Actually the rogue soldier was the disguise of the nephew of the amusement park's founder (an old millionaire who dreamed of offering a free [!] toyland for kids). The nephew thought that, by smudging the park's reputation through his dastardly deeds, Uncle would be forced to close it down and the money would came to him by inheritance. Bulletman wasn't fooled by Gaylord's (hey, that was his name!) trick of hiding amidst the true wooden soldiers and KO'd him out.