Spanking a Grown Woman ... Don't Do What Kayo Ward Just Did

So I'm taking a look at Pep Comics #7, and I come across this in the Kayo Ward story...

So this is normal where Kayo comes from?  Believe it or not, he didn't come from Jersey!

Actually he was from the Bronx.  I'm inclined to say "Same difference," but I've never been to either so it would a totally ignorant statement on my part.

It doesn't really constitute Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) because it's actually pretty much in context.  It's just awesome if start and stop there.

Well, no... there's one more panel to throw in:

Why, Rupy.... I believe we've found your thang, you naughty girl!

Let's check in on Bentley of Scotland Yard 

... that I just missed out on a great party!

Thank you, thank you.  I'll be here all week!  Tip your waitress and try the fish!

See you tomorrow!

Free Enhanced CMNS Content... No Download Required!

From Amazing Spider-Man #227, which gives us enhanced version of two CMNS memes:

Disembodied Floating Heads... Ex-Girlfriend Edition! (tm!)

and

Random Bitch-Slap.... Headless Edition! (tm!)

Now, I barely got into the first few pages of Amazing 228 before I came upon this: 

Applesauce and peas struck me as a pretty weird dinner combo.  It appears that his main dish is applesauce, and there's some peas on the side.  So, the guy could be on a soft and/or bland food diet.  I worked in a hospital kitchen in high school, so I'm pretty hip and sympathetic to that sort of thing.

But I'm also a curious sort, so I used the Google to run a search on "applesauce and peas."

And I'll be danged if I didn't come across this.

That doesn't sound even slightly appetizing, but maybe that's a thing for some people.  I was trying to think of some weird food combination I liked, but I'm one of those people who is very methodical about eating: I finish eating one food item before I eat the next, and I don't like my food to touch.  If I could talk Beloved into letting me eat out of those compartmentalized trays like they have in schools and prisons, I'd totally do it.

So, not that my dear readers are a particularly chatty bunch, but I was wondering if you had any weird food combos that you'd like to confess share?  If so, put 'em in the comments!  It might be fun!

See you tomorrow!

Superman Poisoned His Own Dog as a Child

Here's a dandy from Robert Gillis.  Robert and sPat give me some of my best stuff.  It helps to have a fresh set of eyes going over material, because I totally missed this when I was reading Adventure Comics years ago for this blog.

Robert indicated he found this in Superman Family #164, but I'm pretty sure this was originally printed in Adventure Comics #272.

The gist of it is that Krypto has become a movie star after appearing in three quickly-made movies and it went to his head.

Because he's a dog.  

I have a few dogs right now.  One has a lot of anxiety issues because it lost it's home and seems to be waiting for the day that its luck runs out and it finds itself back on the street.  One dog is a lovable, rotund fellow who has no facial expressions but will lean into you and audibly groan as you pet him.

Now, let me tell you about the poodle.

Alf, or "Poodle" as we tend to call him, is a great dog in many respects.  On the rare occasion that I've been ill, he insisted on laying next to me for hours and hours to protect me from predators.  He barks at any and all invaders, including helicopters.  Despite being ten pounds, he has successfully prevented any helicopters from landing in my back yard.  He is a plucky, wonderful little guy.

And he's something of a jerk.

He's never had a hard day in his life and thinks that things will always be just great because there's no reason to think otherwise.  That gives him gobs of confidence.

And that sometimes results in behavior that is rather unseemly.  He's been known to get a scolding for growling at other dogs from his perch on our laps.  He refuses to come in when called.  The dog has serious entitlement issues.

And I accept that, because he's a dog.

But not Superham Jr.  Oh, no.  His solution for his dog getting an attitude is to poison his dog:

That, my friends, is just abusive.  I try to run a very open blog with an "everyone is welcome" policy, but if you're a fan of Superham, I really don't want to know.  I can't believe I breezed over this one when I read it.

What a tool.

Thanks, Robert!  

See you tomorrow!

The Foolikiller is Looking to Kill Some Fools... So Don't Give Him My Address

Some pretty decent stuff came about in the early 200's of Amazing.  It's mind-blowing to me that these stories are 30 years old... I remember reading them when they first came out, and I certainly know that  I'm not 30 years older...

Anyway, Amazing #222, we had the first appearance of the Speed Demon.  I kind of like the Speed Demon.  But what I don't like is this:

This is what happens when you make comic books by committee.  When Gabe and I crank one out, I'm responsible for putting the balloons on the page as well as the lettering.  I think the artist does it when you work for the big boys, so there are times where characters seem to be communicating telepathically, and there are times (like here) where characters say things out loud they probably shouldn't.

Moving on to Amazing #225:

I am a sucker for the Foolkiller.  For those who don't know, this isn't the original one who gave the Man-Thing troubles back in the day.  This is a successor, who is a little harder to follow when it comes to what constitutes a fool and what does not.  For example, I'm pretty sure that the Foolkiller can't grow like Giant-Man and Spider-Man doesn't have powers like Madrox or Triplicate Girl.  Whoever drew this cover would probably be considered a fool.  Irony, eh?

But he lent himself to some classic goofiness.  Thusly:

See, he would send you a card in the mail warning you to get your affairs in order because he was going to kill you in 24 hours.  In this case, his victim didn't get the card because of slow mail service.  Awesome!  Kudos to Roger Stern.

And, true to form, he later tries to kill everyone in the mail room for their ineptitude.  I tell you, this guy is second only to the Joker in terms of homicidal hilarity.  The Foolkiller mini-series was a pretty good read as well, and I'm sure you can find it on the cheap.

Okay, moving on to Amazing #226.  Remember when Spidey felt sorry for the Black Cat because he thought she was bonkers? Well, I guess we found the one woman in the world capable of duplicitous emotional manipulation.  Thusly:

But Felicia realizes over time that she actually does have a thing for Spidey and tries to woo him.  He, of course, will have none of it until she pays her debt to society.

That is, until there's a chance to hook-up.  Then, as was the case with that dreadful Dawn Starr, Pete thinks with his little web-head instead of his big one:

Okay, just so we're clear... at the very least she was guilty of all the crimes that he brought her down for the first time, as well as assault on the nurse, escape from custody, etc.  

But she is dressed like a cat in a skin-tight costume and furry boots, so I'm not throwing stones.  I appreciate the moral dilemma, I truly do.

See you tomorrow!

Superman is a Schmuck, Part 1798

And as we head into the weekend, let's check out more good times courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis!

From Action Comics #385.  Superman has many amazing powers, but apparently super common sense ain't one of 'em.  I mean, there's a sign right there.  I don't care how big of an emergency this is, there's a sign right there saying "NO TOUCHIES!"

And of course, Supes does whatever Supes wants to do.  Because Supes don't listen so well when it comes to receiving instructions, even those designed to keep you from hurting yourself.

Thusly:

And while I realize I'm harping on this, there was a sign right there saying not to use the time bubble.  Heck, Supes probably put the time bubble there himself!

See, people like Supes are very gracious as long as they're above the rules that the rest of us have to follow, and then they fall apart when they run across a rule they can't get around.  

Superman is such a tool.  I really don't know why anyone over the age of 6 likes the character.

And let's add animal cruelty to his list, courtesy of Jimmy Olsen #4:

Let's follow that logic.

Problem: Animal is hungry.

Solution: Animal should be in a zoo.

Time frame for solution: The next time these guys "visit town."

Not that it's the sturdiest of cages, but the idea is to leave the cat imprisoned without food until these guys get around to shipping him to the zoo?

FACEPALM!

What a maroon.  I always cheer for Lex Luthor.  Always.

Thanks again, Robert!  See you guys Monday!

Okay, You Can Keep Your Weapons in Prison if You Promise to Behave Yourselves...

From Amazing Spider-Man #214.  This just drives me bananas:

These guys are in prison.  And not only are they sharing a cell, but they're wearing their costumes.  And these are guys whom everyone knows uses weapons in those costumes.  The Sandman's outfit enables him to mix different chemicals with his sand, and the Trapster... well, he relies exclusively on gimmicks, so it might be a good idea to make him lose the costume.

Worst. Prison. EVER.

But then along came Amazing #215, which gave us this infamous bit of Fun with Out of Context Artwork (tm!)

That's so notorious that it's commonly found on the 'Net, but you just can't ignore... that.

Meanwhile, here's something I found funny from Crazy Magazine #9: 

This has been spoofed more than once, but this one struck me as particularly funny.

See you tomorrow!

Propositioning Children has Its Share of Challenges

What's my beef about this cover, you ask?

Well, for starters, I just don't like Madame Web.  I'm not a big fan of any character who just kind of sits around and dispatches information and/or orders. Yawn.  

It's a very passive activity, so the writers always feel like overstating their importance and I just feel like I'm being sold a bill of goods.  Information is helpful, but these days, I can "Google" just about anything.

I also don't like the caption boxes.  I generally think blurbs on covers are a mistake and this is a great example as to why.  Who is saying this to Spider-Man?  Is she speaking of herself in the third person?  If not, is someone standing off-camera?  It's very distracting.

But this issue had some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) so there's that:

And here's a bit of Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) from Jimmy Olsen #2, courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis:

Awesome.

See you tomorrow!

There IS No Hanky-Panky Between Us Faculty and Our Students... Right Now

So I was looking at this opening page of Amazing Spider-Man #206 and I see this:

Disembodied Floating Bodies! (tm!)

But then nothing else funny happens until issue #209 when Kraven takes a Random Bitch-Slap! (tm!)

Isn't it awesome that we have our own memes here at CMNS?

Later in that issue, Pete meets the new boss.  Check out this conversation:

Don't you love how self-righteous Pete is there?  Especially considering that he was going to have some serious hanky-panky with his own student as we just saw yesterday.  It's always those guys who get all morally outraged at things that have skeletons in their proverbial closets.

Ugh.  I cannot abide hypocrisy.  Clean up your act, Mr. Parker!  We're supposed to like you!

See you tomorrow!

Spider-Man has 99 Problems and the Ladies are 98 of Them!

Dear Ones, we have a holiday on Monday, so there will be no new posts until Tuesday!

Before I get to the point of today's post, I couldn't let this one pass by from Amazing Spider-Man #205:

Now for a little comic relief, these guys bear a deliberate resemblance to Bud Abbott and Lou Costello (making them ineligible for our new Hey... is that?(tm!) feature).

But "Easter eggs" are common in comics, so why would I bother you with this one?

Thusly: 

That, my friends, is a very unfortunate sound effect.  I don't know how long that word has been slang for something else, but it is perhaps one of the most hilarious things I've ever discovered when you consider this is literally a picture of Abbott "fapping" Costello.

Maybe it meant the same thing back then and someone knew exactly what they were doing, but I like to think that isn't the case.

Anyway, not you didn't already get your money's worth with that little exchange, let's take a look at Pete's love life.  In the previous issue, we meet.... I'm sorry, but I refuse to say that stupid name.  Let her introduce herself.

Based on the name and the look on Flash Thompson's face, I justifiably assumed she was an escort.  But no:

Okay, everyone got that?  Next issue:

Way to stick to your guns there, Pete!  

But, as is often the case when we do something we shouldn't, things don't go well:

SLAP HER! SLAP HER!

"In Iran, they execute people for thinking about what you'd like to do to her?"

Hmmmmm.... considering you're a male and she's a female, I think Shirin Ebadi might disagree with your interpretation of the Judicial System of Iran.  Then again, this comic was dated 1980, so it was hot on the heels of the 1979 overthrow of the Pahlavi Dynasty, so Pete's information might have been a bit dated.

Eisner Award Committee, please take note that I educate as well as entertain.

Before we break for today, let me put a bug in your ear because I'm going to bring this up later:

Okay, got that?  The Black Cat thinks she's in love with Spidey, but it's really some mis-placed daddy issues.  So, Pete does the ethical thing.  This time.  I guess that's to make up with the career-killer decision he almost made to date a student. 

Okay, so it would be wrong for Pete to take advantage of Felicia's issues, right?  Everyone got that?  Good, because as we progress in Amazing, I believe we're going to discover that Pete waits until Felicia gets just enough help to take the edge off before he reverses his position and enters into a romantic relationship with her.  Just like he did with Dawn Starr.  

Ick... just writing that stupid name dropped my IQ ten points, and it's not like I've got a lot to spare.

See you Tuesday!

The Dazzler is a Punisher-ment!

From Amazing Spider-Man #202.

The Punisher cares not for your pinko liberal commie Due Process.

'Murica!  'Murica!

Time for yet another new CMNS feature I'm gonna call "Hey!  Isn't that...?" (tm!)

It works like this:

Hey!  Isn't that... ? (tm!)

Yup.  The Punisher just shot Alfred Pennyworth.  Batman is gonna be soooooo cheesed.

The next issue (#203) gave us a guest appearance by the Dazzler.  It's worth noting that she had the boost of appearances in both The Amazing Spider-Man and The Uncanny X-Men and still managed to be a failure as a character.  The disco gimmick (which came about after disco was dead and decomposing), the skates, the .... 

.... what kind of power is this?

Oh, for crying out... I had forgotten about that.  The musically-charged disco ball.  Is she in the Character Hall of Shame (tm!) yet?  If not, she is now.

But that issue wasn't without it's charm.  Thusly: 

No, Spidey.... don't apologize.  You're only doing what every comic book reader in America wanted to do back in the day. 

See you tomorrow! 

In Which Adam Reveals Knowing Too Much About Alcohol Withdrawl Symptoms

So I went through the collection of Amazing Spider-Man issues I had up through #200.  Aunt May wasn't dead.

So let's check out Pep Comics #7!

...now quit frightening my child with your hat!

I don't know, Betty... you led with the hat, and that didn't get you anywhere.

Check it out... the Shield goes undercover as a professional baseball player... 

Awesome though this might be, it's my responsibility as a serious journalist to point out that I am literally only showing you every other panel, which conclusively proves that half of this story is filler.  As opposed to CMNS itself, which is pretty much all filler.

Here's a line that tickled me...

How many children in the 1940's read this and then went to their parents to ask them what the D.T.'s were?  And come to think of it, wouldn't you really really WANT the flask if you had the D.T.'s?

It's a perfectly valid question.

See you tomorrow!

Because Not EVERY Hero Has a Computer in a Cave to Keep a Database of Villains, That's Why!

So I'm not the only person who falls for the "Aunt May is dead" feint... at least in comic book lore.

No, Peter takes it hard, to the point that he's paid a visit by Disembodied Floating Heads (tm!) !

You know, by today's standards, that's really not a bad track record.  The Punisher loses that many loved ones on a daily basis before he's had breakfast.

Anyway, Pete is so upset that here in Amazing Spider-Man # 196, that one of them even starts talking to him:

What's it gotten YOU?  Geez, Nephew... I'M the one who died!  I'm so sorry that my death has been such a downer FOR YOU.

Hey!  Here's a Questionable Strategic Decision! (tm!)

I have this power that enables me to sense when I'm in danger... I think I'll IGNORE it!

A few pages late, Pete has one of those "d'oh!" moments: 

I realize that Aunt May's death gave rise to quite the bout of self-pity, but if Pete can't recognize his old foes... who even have the courtesy to use an alias they've used BEFORE.... well, that's pretty sad.

Who is Dr. Rinehart, friends and neighbors?  What does Dr. Rinehart DO in his true identity as one of Spidey's rogues?  How many of us still think Aunt May is dead?

Quite the cliffhanger, eh?

See you tomorrow!