Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Old Order Sorta Changeth Tuesday!

Dear Ones,

I'm so sorry for missing yesterday's post. It was completely beyond my control, and I apologize for not coming through. I wish I could swear that it won't happen again, but we may be in for some challenging days ahead. Please be patient with the occasional missed post, and I'll try to keep things as regular as they have been in the past.

The Avengers never really grabbed me like their JLA counterparts. I think it's because the core members; Thor, Cap and Iron Man, were never on my must read-list in their solo titles, so seeing them all together as a team just gave me more of what I didn't care about in the first place, only in smaller doses.

But I yanked this issue out of the rack so quickly it almost left a trail of flames:

These "The Old Order Changeth" issues of the Avengers suckered me every time. They never really changed the roster to any significant degree, but I always hoped against hope that some of the B-characters I knew and loved would make a showing. I mean, the Falcon was there for a while and the Beast was still part of the team, so you never knew.

This particular issue teased me with the possibility of the Angel and Moon Knight joining the team. The Iceman didn't even make the cover, but he was part of the group of potentials as well. I didn't give a rip about Tigra or the Dazzler, of course. I mean, no one gave a rip about Tigra or the Dazzler. But the chance to have some of the original X-Men working together? Or Moon Knight, fresh off of an awesome guest appearance in the Defenders? Be still, my beating heart!

So, with Captain America deciding that the current roster was too big, some of the team had to go. Frankly, I never liked the idea that you could be fired after being an integral part of the team. I mean, where's the loyalty? But that's how they rolled, so current members Wonder Man and the Beast pondered staying with the team in this classic exchange:

Now, wasn't that fun? Wasn't there some great characterization and interaction there?

So, of course, they're both off the team by the end of the issue. If it's one thing the Avengers won't tolerate, it's interesting characters that don't happen to have their own titles.

But, hey! The Dazzler had her own book didn't she?

Yeah, we all know Moondragon is being kind. It ain't much of a power. It never was, never will be. Fortunately, Moondragon realized her mistake and took this opportunity to show Dazzler the door.

Then she had the other new guys fight each other in order to demonstrate their respective powers, which should have been a lot more interesting than it was. Of particular disappointment was the potentially awesome Moon Knight vs. Iceman fight, which was little more than guys throwing projectile weapons at each other and missing. But hey, this wasn't Contest of Champions, people!

There was, however, a great brawl between Wonder Man and Hercules:

Wasn't that awesome? Of course it was! Far too awesome for this book! So, Wonder Man and Hercules hit the road.

With all the promise of a great new era for the book, what do we get?

1) The Vision and the Scarlet Witch leaving, which is fine. I like the Vision, but if I have to sacrifice him to get the Witch out of here, I'm willing to do it.
2) The Beast leaving to join the New Defenders and have a great run before they become the ultra-dull X-Factor.
3) Jocasta leaving. No one cares.
4) Yellowjacket returning. That's hardly a big upheaval. I mean, when you already know where your room in the Avengers Mansion is, you aren't exactly shaking things up.
5) Tigra joining for the first time, establishing once again that the team needs a female character who can get cold-cocked in the first few moments of a battle with anyone this side of Leap-Frog.
6) Iron Man giving us a very awkward pose. What's with the posture? Is he wearing an adult undergarment there?

I didn't pick up any issues after that until the Ghost Rider made a guest appearance. Tease me, willya?

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Headline News Wednesday!

Dear Ones, I'm afraid this will be the last post for the week. I'll be out of town for the annual training needed to keep the license active. We'll be back on Monday.

Meanwhile, amuse yourself with some great headlines from our friend Robert Gillis!

And don't worry that we'll ever run out of headlines, because apparently they're going to keep using newspapers even in the 30th Century. What happened to the Internet between the 20th and 30th Century, or am I overthinking it?


The "Joker's Boner" story gets a lot of airplay, but this one stands out... I hate it when I get stung by my boner.

You know, Batman probably shouldn't make a big media circus over how he's constantly suspected of being Bruce Wayne. Someone may start connecting the dots here....

Women have really come a long way. Back in my day, you'd write this sort of thing on a men's room wall, but Batman really went the extra mile for old Babs.

I'll miss you guys! See you Monday!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Disturbing Panels You Can't Blame on Me Tuesday!

I know the update times for the blog are all over the place, but that gives you an idea of how my work schedule is these days. I've heard rumblings that you can somehow set things to post automatically at a regular time each day, but I have no idea how to do it.

And bailing me out of a busy week is our friend Robert Gillis, who contributed today's panels!

Good plan. Take the miniature city, filled with live people, and put it on an ice shelf in the arctic winds. Perfectly safe.

I don't know what led up to this scenario, or what kind of schooling Aquaman is giving Aqualad, but I'm about to put in a call to Child Protective Services.

Oh, my. Oh, my my my.

See you tomorrow!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Golden Age Questions Monday!

Captain America is back from the dead. What a surprise (yaaaaaaawn). Say it with me: "Dead should mean dead in comics."

Check out some early Cap from All-Select Comics #6:

Is it just me, or does this gangly Captain America look like the "Keep on Truckin'" guy?

For comparison's sake:

Don't act like you don't see it.

And while I'm asking questions:

Why do gas attacks always work against androids in the Marvel Universe? Try that nonsense on the Red Tornado over in the Justice League and you might slow him down while he laughs at you. But the Torch and the Vision? Keel over like startled hamsters at the first sign of anything that offends their android nostrils.

That's right: Android nostrils. Where else are you going to see terms like that? You're welcome.

I've always thought it a little weird that the Torch had his sidekick running around in nothing but swimming trunks like some kind of cabana boy. This is not making me feel any better.

But one thing you don't want to do to the Golden Age Torch:

is piss him off. He will apparently eff you up royally, and laugh while he does it. Class dismissed!

See you tomorrow!

Friday, June 19, 2009

The Day You Gave Up on CMNS Friday!

You may decide after today to never read CMNS again. Who could blame you?

Yes, savages! Put up our graven images and worship us, lest we smite thee! HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!

Allow me to say this about this:


Take it from an older guy....

if something is eating Margie, and it ain't Tommy, I can tell you why he lost his best girl.

Yeah! High five! Wooooo!

I think that's an expression we're better off without, but isn't it great when it shows up like that?

See you Monday!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Aren't We Terrific? Thursday!

It's hard to top yesterday's post, so why try?

Well, it's good to see that some folks are still easily impressed. Frankly, I've seen people get into vehicles before, and it sorta loses its shine after you've seen it a billion times. Kind of like a Wolverine guest appearance.

But Batman and Robin aren't easily impressed! No siree!

My guess is they're screening The Spirit or Punisher: War Zone. Could be either.

You remember that Alannis Morrissette song "Ironic," which demonstrated she had absolutely no clue of what the word "irony" means? Here's irony:

Photographic evidence that your company promoted racism... and you're a photography company. Ouch! That's gotta smart! I'm pretty sure Jim's regretting bringing his camera and "posing for posterity" right about now.

Why you so racist, Kodak? Into the Hall of Shame with you! I'm not even sure where you go, but I'll find a place for you.

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Perhaps the Best Wednesday Ever!

I don't want to oversell it, but delete every other blog from your Bookmarks right now. No one, including myself, will ever top today's goodness. You might as well take your PC and throw it in the dumpster, because it will never get better than this.

From reader Josh, from Eternals #5. I never read Eternals, but if this is any indication of what lies in those Kirbyful pages, I may have to pick it up:

You know, if you keep beating off deviants, they just keep coming back. That's like trying to get rid of Amy Winehouse by throwing narcotics at her.

And speaking of deviants:

Someone's pretty open. Good for you, prof!

And for another panel that oozes awesomeness from its very pores:

Wow. Thanks, World's Finest #52! And thanks, Josh!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Girlie Tuesday!

What do you mean they cancelled My Name is Earl? Oh, SNAYAP!

Sorry... I'll really miss that one. I'll miss Reaper as well, which was the 2007 CMNS Best New Show of the Year that you all apparently refused to watch.

But I can't stay mad at you! I love you!

You know, I appreciate a girl who can kick ass and handle a gun, but seeing a girl do it poorly has the opposite effect on me. They don't show you this, but in the next panel the guy pulls the lasso off of him, turns the Gatling gun around and riddles Dale with slugs as she floats gently to Earth.

I don't know that for sure, but wouldn't it be awesome? Remember how they killed the title character in the 90's run of Starman in the first few pages of the first issue and how bitchin' that was? Multiply it by 10.

Say what you will about Toro, the boy made sense. How upset can you be when they replace anything with a girlie show? Remember, the Torch was an android, so it stands to reason that he didn't get it. But Toro? He knew progress when he saw it.

I. Must. Have. One.

Dear, Whoever invented the glow-in-the-dark necktie,

Be my valentine.

Love, adam

See you tomorrow!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Reverse Slap Monday!

I'm pretty lukewarm on the new Transformers movie, since I thought the last one was pretty bland. But the GI Joe movie? Looks promising!

From Batman #35:

We've seen Batman trade punches with some pretty badass guys over the years, yet Catwoman gives him the taste of the back o' her hand and he goes down like a sack of wheat. Bats always gets a little flustered around assertive women.

Judd Winnick and Gail Simone refuse to be my pals on Facebook, although I have been great supporters of their work (although if Winnick ruins Captain Marvel any more, I may forget how much I enjoyed Barry Ween). So, here is my overture at making nice:

Okay, am I forgiven? Be my friend! And why is Simone giving me the cold shoulder? I'm starting to think that those who make comics don't like my site. Well, except Tony Isabella, who has been a true gentleman. So, read anything Tony Isabella writes. Besides being a great guy, his stuff is usually pretty darn good.

See you tomorrow!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Passin' the Bucky Friday!

If you scroll to the very, very bottom of the page, you'll see I put a Flagcounter there, just because I was curious as to where you, my gentle readers, come from. As you can see, CMNS spans the globe, which is awesome! Thanks for being here and making CMNS world-freakin'-famous!

If you learn one thing today, learn this:

Don't eff with Bucky. He'll flamethrower your ass.

Yes, I know "flamethrower" isn't a verb. Sometimes we breaks the rules to make a point.

Bucky was also kind of rude:

I mean, the guy is standing right there! Bucky wasn't what you call your "Man of the People." And to be fair, Bucky wasn't winning any beauty contests himself.

And, simply because it's awesome:

You could argue that it's Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) considering she's pointing at Cap's crotch. It works on so many levels.

See you Monday!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

If It Bleeds, It Leads Thursday!

Gettin' by with a little help from my friends today! Here's another instant classic from Robert Gillis!:

It's either a very slow news day in Metropolis, or Superman has Paris Hilton's press agent.

And here's a little something I never expected to see:

I guess by now, Bruce Wayne has pretty much given up on any hope that he has a secret identity and is now just asking the villains to show up at his place so he can smack them around. I guess it does save the wear and tear of actually chasing them down.

Great finds! Thanks, Robert!

And childhood pal Scotty pointed out a great YouTube video you'll love (goodness knows I did).

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Fun Fact Wednesday!

Why drop serious coin on an unwieldy set of encyclopedias when you have World's Finest #51?

Great job, Superman!..... except that ain't no poodle.

You shall respect the meteorological powers of Lois Lane's foot problems!

Wow, Lois. I don't know when you've been more attractive. Sure you don't a yeast infection story you could throw in there as well?

You know what we haven't had in a long time? Fun with Out of Context Dialogue!(tm!):


A little fun fact for the kids!

There's a little something for Timmy to take in right before bed! Sleep tight, Timmy!

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Super-Befriendin' Tuesday!

Here's a dandy from Robert Gillis!:

According to Robert, this little exchange took place while an army of Bizzarros were ripping up Metropolis. Yet, Superman takes time out of his valuable schedule to demean a child. As Robert pointed out, this child was probably thinking something more along the lines of "Well, how about you repair some of the buildings you knock over on a regular basis fighting robots, and I'll toss my paper in the trash can. You jackass."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Roy Harper:

Worst. Sidekick. Ever.

What kind of man would go to all that trouble? The kind of man with whom I would not allow unsupervised contact with my child, I'm sad to say.

Totally off topic, but the little kid in the bottom left looks like a garden gnome.

Be advised:

Getting Batman to add you on Facebook is apparently a bitch of a process.

See you tomorrow!

Monday, June 8, 2009

We Got the Music in Us Monday!

Goodness knows, I don't ask for much from you folks other than your blind devotion to my schemes of world domination. But, if you happen to be handy with such things, would you consider designing a logo for my latest music project? I'm going with the name "Massive Anvil Jukebox" and I need some help in the visual aids department. I'm also looking for someone who can put together a nifty bit of album cover work.... the title of the album is going to be called "Subtle as Skywriting." So, there you have it: "Subtle as Skywriting" by "Massive Anvil Jukebox." Go nuts with it. No payment, but lots of acclaim and love from me. Mail jpgs to comicsmakenosense(atttt)gmail(dooooot)com.

And while we're on the subject of music, check out this bit of musical culturalism from World's Finest #48!:

Yeah! The Batman and Robin March! Rock on!

It's just not the same without some audio, is it? Well, I aims to please:

Oh, come now! It wasn't that bad, was it? Considering what he had to work with, and all?

If you want something right, Joker, you've gotta do it yourself!

It's true: You can find dang near anything on YouTube.

So, if you are the creative type and are having a flash of inspiration, feel free to send me your jpgs!

See you tomorrow!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

AAA-Rated Friday!

Look at the expression on everyone's faces. Tell me this isn't the precursor for an orgy scene.

Excuse me, Miss? Are you having a problem?

Why yes.... a sexy problem!

Bow chicka WOW WOW!

I'm sorry. I'm not really proud of that.

See you Monday!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Marital Advice from the Vision Thursday!

We haven't had an induction into the Character Hall of Shame for a while, have we? Well, here's Jocasta!

Take a boring, useless character like the Wasp, and literally put her boring personality into the body of a robot. And not a cool robot, either. Just a robot that clanks around and does nothing but try to mack with the Vision.

Speaking of the Vision, check out this dialogue:

This is exactly what I'm going to say the next time I'm having a spat with the wife. I am pleased that you have returned. I hope you have reconciled the things that troubled you. And you have been completely unreasonable. Again.

Hey, a contributed panel from Robert Gillis!:

As Robert pointed out, Pa Kent is having the biggest bout of senility ever. Your kid has been shrugging off bullets and stepping in front of speeding locomotives since it was in diapers, and you're genuinely surprised that his ass can withstand a smack from a hairbrush? And isn't he a little old to be spanked? Those people in Smallville were a little too slow to let go of spanking, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. Thanks, Robert!

See you tomorrow!