Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Archie! Be Careful with That Gun!

I've got to tell you, this is just a busy time of year for Yours Truly.  When danger is your business, you better believe that around the holidays, business is good.  But we're never too busy to take a look at Pep Comics #38!

Since this is the last post before our End-of-the-Year Craptacular, let's start yet another CMNS meme.  I call this one, Stuff You'll Never Believe I Didn't Photoshop (tm!) !

It works like this:

Yes, that is the panel, as-is.  Why was Archie Andrews waiving a gun around the house as if he were training for the French Foreign Legion?  I have no idea.  It was never explained.  And I wouldn't blame you if you thought I'd Photoshopped it, but I didn't.  Archie just behaved differently in his earlier appearances.  Perhaps I'll find a story where Archie gets prescribed Ritalin and he'll suddenly start behaving like the Archie Andrews we all know and love today.

Although now I think I know what happened to Archie's long-missing dog Oscar.

Meanwhile, let's check out a . . . *ahem* . . . borrowed idea:

Disclaimer: Although it's really the only thing that makes sense, the Joker does not appear in this story.

This was in 1943, before the Joker was as iconic as he is today.  Still the Joker had been bumping people off and leaving that grin on the corpses for a year or two prior, so it's hard to call coinkydink on that one.

But it lends itself to an interesting question... can you trademark a character's gimmick?  Sure, we've all heard of the Superman vs. Captain Marvel lawsuit wherein it was ruled that Cap had infringed on Superman because they had similar powers, so would the same thing apply here?  Marvel and DC both have villains called the Scarecrow who use fear as a weapon, but no one says a word.  Discuss!

Meanwhile, here's a rather nifty video found by MarvelX42 celebrating Superman's 75th:

I'm not a huge Superman fan, but that was pretty awesome.

See you tomorrow!

Monday, December 30, 2013

No One But a Fool Like Me!

And we're back!  I hope everyone had a happy and safe break from it all.  Let's take a look at Golden Age Green Lantern #28.  This, of course, is the issue with the first appearance of Green Lantern's most famous foe...

... I'm kidding, of course.  But what I'm not kidding about is that the Fool got the lead story in this issue.  Yes, someone on the editorial board thought that the Fool had more staying power than another character who happened to make his debut that same issue:

Yup, the Sportsmaster made his initial appearance here.  Well, sort of.  This was his first appearance as the Sportsmaster.  He was a costumeless baddie from an earlier issue who (correctly) believed that a flashy costume and a gimmick would insure his place in history.

He also apparently had some awesome dental hygiene practices, because there he is, holding himself and a hostage to a moving tether using nothing but his teeth.

Sporty would go on to be responsible for other bits of awesomeness like this:

And if you want a play-by-play of how that turned out, just clicky-clicky.

And before you even ask, the Fool was much more annoying than he was entertaining.  "Only a fool would do this, so of course I'm doing it!" times a million, and you have the long and short of that particular tale.

See you tomorrow!

Friday, December 20, 2013

Superman Uses Your National Treasures to Show Off. It's the American Way!

Dear Ones, since next week has a two days of holiday in it, I've decided to give myself the week off from posting.  It just didn't make sense to post a day after the weekend, take two days off, post two days, then weekend.  So, I'm going to use that time to build up some material.

Meanwhile, check out Superman being a jerk from Action Comics #211!:

Oui, Pierre, I have uprooted and forever compromised the structural integrity of your country's most famous landmark!  C'est bon, no?

Maintenant, Pierre!  I have focused the structure's entire weight on the top!  It will no doubt fall to pieces in the next strong breeze!  Bask in my glory, Pierre!

Superman: International Tool.

The Target and the Targeteers also appear in 4Most Comics, so let's finish our look at the first issue with them.  I'm not familiar with them at all at this point, but I've figured out this much:

Niles doesn't watch where he's going...

... and his partners are comically incompetent:

Now take a look at how big that hole was:



Risk your neck for the privilege of kissing a girl's hand.  Oh, yeah... it's a man's world all right.  Just like I feed my dogs, bathe them, and scoop their poops, yet I am somehow considered the owner.

Ah, well.  Fun days ahead.

See you on Monday, December 30th!  Hope everyone who celebrates whatever has a great one!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Prodded on by the Insane Boy, the Dinosaur Stampedes through Campus...

So I'm reading the first issue of 4Most Comics, and I was enthralled by this tale from a feature called Dick Cole.  Near as I can tell, Dick Cole was adopted, pumped up with steroids of some sort, and was sent to a military school called "The Farr Academy."

He also would hop into cars with strangers.

To be fair, if a stranger has a chauffeur, then the candy they're offering you to get in the car is probably all kinds of amazing.

And things go as you might expect:

Reggie is fairly important to the story, in the sense that he makes the story.  Here we can see how Reggie learned to relate to other boys:

Oh, well.  Boys will be boys.

Everyone attends the Farr Academy.  This is their code:

I'm never sure who decides what the Will of God is, but I'm even more troubled by "... as becomes our race."  What the heck is going on Farr Academy?  I admit, I read the entire story and didn't see one person that wasn't Caucasian.

Anyway, Reggie is a little... socially awkward in dealing with his peers:

But Reggie also seems to have a dinosaur that he rides around, so I'm sure they cut him some slack:

Yeah, I don't know how much I'm going to enjoy the Dick Cole feature, but I suspect that's going to depend in a large degree how much Reggie I'm given in the future:

Rock on, Reggie!  Rock on!

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Being Superman's Pal Means You Get Your Own Monogrammed Contingency Plan!

Just for something new, I checked out Crash Comics #2, starring Strongman.  Here's what I've learned about my first reading of a Strongman story:

He likes to wander around and look for problems.

He's supposedly very strong.  So, I'll accept the notion that he jump really high.

But then we have this:

We have the man breaking down a brick wall with his fists.

So, you ask yourself, what is his origin?  Is he an alien?  Was he exposed to radiation?  Has he taken some sort of medication?  What gives him such might power?


I kid you not.


Soooooooooo.... moving on.  Let's try and swallow that bit of information with some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

times two!:

Well... that's not an appropriate thing for a girl to ask her father, but who am I to judge?

From Robert Gillis, we bring you some Wait.... what? (tm!): 

Wait... what?

I don't even want to know what Plans "L" and "J" are.  I quit reading after, "You called me Editor Perry White instead of just plain Perry White."

Thanks, Robert!

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

CMNS: Hilarious, In a Rib-Breaking Way!

From Pep Comics #37:

I don't know about you, but I would buy the heck out of a comic called Knifey Gordon and Smooch Schultz.

Here's a bit of cautionary house-addery:

I've heard of "rib-tickling," but "rib-breaking"?  They aren't clowning around with Zip Comics.  If I had a comic that was "rib-breaking," you'd have to sign a waiver before I let you read it.

My Oriental room... wrecked!  My guard... murdered!  My eyes and tongue... yellowed!

Seriously, pal... I think you need to be checked for hepatitis.

Here's a look at Archie Andrew's first dog, Oscar:

Most of us now know that Archie's dog is a shaggy beast called "Hot Dog."  At least, that was the case the last I checked.  I can only assume that Oscar had to be put down because judging by this illustration, I presume he had a rage disorder.

See you tomorrow!

Monday, December 16, 2013

In Which I Make Not One, but TWO Double-Entendres for the Word, "Wood."

Another week begins!  What say we check in on Green Lantern in ish #27?:

I swear, it's like his head is a magnet for wood.

Heh... "magnet for wood."

Anyway, check out this ad for an upcoming title:

I vow that no matter what.... somehow, I am going to find every issue of this title and read it.  You had me at Senor Banana and insured I would never leave you with that guy "Slappy."

That's Steel Sterling and the original Web holding up Senor Banana, if you were wondering.

And check out this guy:

Wow... not to be confused with cartoon icon Woody Woodpecker.  And here's a fun fact: Zip Comics didn't show up until after Woody Woodpecker (the awesome one) had already appeared in cartoons and comics... by a couple of years or so.  So this short-lived Woody should have actually been called "Woody the Trademark Violatin' Woodpecker."

Heh.  "Short-lived woody."

See you tomorrow!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Captain Future Takes Over From Here!

Sorry for the late post, gang, but I've been having technical difficulties of late.  I prefer to have posts show up right at midnight, but getting things uploaded and posted has been really challenging.  So, bear with me and hopefully things will get sorted out. 

Meanwhile, let's check out Startling Comics #34:

... and I was also wanting to show you these pants.  Do you think they make my thighs look big?

Yes, I know these have some purpose.  I just think they look ridiculous.  What is the point of those pants, anyway?  Someone tell me in the comments.

And now, for an installment of Well... There ya go. (tm!):

Well... There ya go. (tm!)

Taking a look now at Captain Future, I just now (yes, after 34 issues) noticed that the good Captain came from the Clark Kent School of Disguises:

And then when he would become Captain Future, he looked exactly the same, spit curl and all:

I'm not sure why he's referring to himself in the second and third person, but I guess that's really not my concern.

Anyway, here he is with two people with whom he shares close contact on a regular basis:

As was the case with Phantom Lady, I'm not sure these people aren't just humoring him.  Yeah, Andy Bryant ... that guy who isn't you at all.

See you Monday!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Fighting Yank Should Probably Avoid Motor Vehicles for A While...

Dear Ones, at long last, Snatcher Bodies!, the graphic novel penned by Yours Truly and fabulously drawn by Gabe Ostley is now available in hard copy as a 70 page graphic novel.  Check it out!  It's a lighthearted look at the end of the world and.... well, it still makes me laugh when I read it.

Meanwhile, here's an unintentionally sad image if ever there was one:

Considering Archie would end up running everyone out of Pep Comics, the Shield and the Hangman are really being played for suckers there.  Don't be fooled by his boyish charm, fellas!  Archie is going to take that book and kick your keisters to Comic Book Oblivion!

You know, if you find yourself asking that question to a bunch of pre-teen boys, you should probably decline on their behalf. 

Let's take a look at the Fighting Yank from Startling Comics #34.  I've mentioned before how the Yank's ancestor comes around in ever story and bails the Yank out of whatever mess he gets himself into, eliminating any real concern for the protagonist's welfare and cutting any excitement potential down to virtually zero.  

But I noticed that it didn't happen (A), when the Yank gets in a car accident and faceplants into a bridge:

and (B), when the Yank gets run over by a tank:

So, I think I've figured out the system here:  The Yank's ancestor will come to his rescue and save him from any real harm unless said harm is hilarious to look at, in which case the ancestor will simply watch it happen off camera and return when he can appear on the scene without bursting out in laughter.

See you tomorrow!