Thursday, April 30, 2015

Probably Not Helpful Background Info for the Avengers: Age of Ultron Movie

Yeah, yeah.... we'll get to Batman soon.  It doesn't hurt to have a little break from the A-listers every now and then.  I'm not going anywhere any time soon, so we'll get back to him.

Let's take a look at Yellowjacket!  No, not that Yellowjacket.

I admit I was a little thrown for a second when I read "the Scourge of Sinners."  So, does he go around to buffet restaurants and fat-shame the gluttons?  "Sin" has a much wider definition than "crime," so he probably should reconsider taking on that wide of a playing field.

Another thing that struck me was that he didn't get top-billing in his own comic:

Yup.  That's him in the bottom right corner there.  I'm not 100% sure who the guy in red is yet.  But whoever he is, he gives not a single hoot whose name is on the marquee.

So, what of this Yellowjacket?  Well, he was a crime fiction writer who became a costumed crime fighter to get better at writing crime fiction.  Just like the original Tarantula did a few years earlier.

Anyway, borrowed origin aside, here's a look at his origin: 

Yeah... what about de goil?

Well, not really.  I see at least a forearm exposed, and they're totally steering clear of his pants.  Just like a dame to exaggerate and make things sound worse than they are.

Anyhoo, the yellow jackets hop right off and go back into their nest.  Or hive.  Whatever we call that thing where they live. 

Hmmmm... actually, a yellow jacket is a wasp.  I'd think you would know that, seeing as how you're keeping a swarm of them around your house.

Anyway, he slaps together a costume that he had to just have laying around for just such an occasion and (for no reason whatsoever) appears to have powers:

Hey?  Is he flying?  It's silly enough that he's taking out multiple armed gunmen by himself, but how is it that he's flying?

Seriously... he's flying, isn't he?

And then this happened:

Okay, both the Golden Age Tarantula and the Red Bee are going to come after this guy with a cease-and-desist order, if not a baseball bat.

You must "protect the law from your sting"?  What does that even mean?

Anyway, this all apparently makes him a much better crime fiction writer so he decides to keep it up.  Annnnnndddd... scene!

So, we have another case of Recycled Names! (tm!)  Personally, I always thought the name was pretty badass, although I was completely confused by Marvel's character when I first saw him.  Then again, this was my first encounter:

I knew nothing about Henry Pym, so I was totally confused as to why the bug guy was a giant.  I thought the Beast and the Vision were super-cool, though.

Anyway, I read through the end of the issue, and there were no other costumed heroes in the whole thing.  So I'm not 100% sure at this point who the red-shirted guy was on the cover of Yellowjacket Comics #1, but if you're getting elbowed out on the cover of your own title by someone who doesn't even appear inside the comic itself, you're in trouble.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Do You Think That a Little Thing Like a Broken Head Could End the Career of Theoprastus Bombastus Paracelsus?

I was taking a look at Red Band Comics #3, and I'll be jimmied if it wasn't the origin of CAPTAIN WIZARD!

Yeah, I never heard of him either.

The thumbnail version is he's a regular guy who got framed for murder (which, as every comic reader knows, guarantees he'll become a crime-fighter himself) and takes a turn into a wax museum whilst running from the cops:

That's right!  This random happenstance will, by an amazing coinkydink, give this guy his powers!

Okay, first: Am I the only one who thinks he looks like Mr. America?  And the similarities don't end there:

See?  The cape could move... almost like a flying carpet, which Mr. America had.

The cape could actually do a lot more.  Pretty much whatever Captain Wizard wished for, the cape would make it happen.  The sticking point is that, much like Johnny Thunder's Thunderbolt, he had to tell it what to do.

But what I found hilarious is that the cape was his only source of power.  The rest of that getup wasn't necessary at all.  I guess Theoprastus Bombastus Paracelsus had a sick sense of humor.

Hmmm... that's actually a rather subjective standard.  I'd kind of like to know where the cloak stands on quite a few social issues before I use it for flying into combat.  I'd hate to find out that the cloak had moral objections to violence before I plowed into a gaggle of mobsters, know what I mean?

Hey!  Here's a recycled name!

Yup!  His real name was Hugh Mann (I know... eesh).  He tried to fly to Mars and landed on Brutus, a planet of "supermen" (their words, DC Legal Department!) and was given that name because of his wits.  Personally, I like the Marvel character a lot more, but it's awesome to see that the name was in use decades before.  Comics history is fun!

See you tomorrow!

Monday, April 27, 2015

Quoth the Raven, "It's Solo Mogart!"

Let's finish up Sure Fire Comics #2 because why not?

Hmmmm... I'm as big of a Robin Hood fan as the next guy, but I don't know how cool it is to steal money just because you don't like where it's going.  I mean, I try to avoid places and products if I know my business is going to support things I find objectionable, but I'm not going to go steal from people.  Not cool, Raven.  Not cool.

Wow, Lola.  Did you go to one of those schools where you got "participation" trophies?  Because I'm really not seeing why you're such hot stuff that you can make demands for labor before you'll agree to marriage.  That bus may not have many more stops for you, if you get what I'm saying.  You don't exactly have the personality that makes the boys come a'runnin'.

I'm not in law enforcement....

... but it seems like that officer is rather careless with his service revolver.

Hey?  Who's that?

Who's the guy who's lean
who wears a suit of green?

Who runs like a girl
but will rock your world?

He drives along the streets of blue
in a car that matches every building's hue...

Okay, I'll stop now.

But I'll leave you with some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

I'll work that into conversation before the end of the week.  You watch.

See you tomorrow!

Friday, April 24, 2015

Flash Lightning, Animal Abuser

One thing about Public Defender in Action is that he makes Flash Lightning look awesome.  Here he is from Sure Fire Comics #2:

Hmmm... the Old Man of the Pyramids has the ability to give you superhuman powers, but he can't use a telephone?

Anyhoo, there's a bunch of expository build-up I didn't read, Flash is given his marching orders, and thusly:

I find it hilarious that he just shows up at Flash's apartment like that.  It's almost as funny as the fact that Flash Lightning appears to have no clothing options other than his costume.  Can you imagine if your boss showed up at your place like that?  Seriously, if being a hero involves getting powers from some old guy, consider what you're getting yourself into.  This borders on Labor Trafficking.

But then I start to lose all sympathy for the guy.  Thusly:

That was a pretty sad move there, Flash.  All those superpowers, and you just couldn't get yourself and the girl away from the curious beast?  I mean, you can fly and all that.  It looks to me like you electrocuted a whale for no good reason whatsoever.

And then this happened:

Okay, these crocs are more aggressive than the poor whale, but still... they're being kept at bay.  And, not to belabor the point, but nothing is stopping Flash from simply scooping up the girl and flying to shore.

Anyway, the point is that the crocs can be dealt with peacefully.

Unless you're Flash Lightning:



What a putz this guy is.  And then there was this:

It looked like that may have been the first act of self-defense against an animal I've seen in this story, but after taking everything into account, I'm really not inclined to give Flash the benefit of the doubt.

Yeah, I bet you will.

See you Monday!

Thursday, April 23, 2015

I'm Supposed to be a Big Shot and Live Like One!

I don't know why I do this to myself, but let's pick apart Public Defender in Action #8!

As your court-appointed counsel, I appreciate that you've kept your expectations low.  We'll get along fine.

Well, swearing you did something after you told me you didn't would actually be a big ethical problem, but I'm more concerned about the fact that I seem to have just lost my pipe.

Hey, we're standing pretty closely together here.  Maybe we should scoot over a bit so the prosecutor doesn't hear everything we say to each other.  I should probably also object to his improper statements.  Oh, well.  It's most likely too late now.  You can't un-ring a bell, you know.

I wasn't sure we agreed you were going to do that.  Oh, well.  Never mind.


Hmmm... you have a point.  I should probably have requested a continuance before he told the judge he was guilty.  That may put us at a bit of a disadvantage at trial.

Man, I'm having a hard day.  Let's fight!

You're in trouble now!  I found my pipe!

Drat.  I lost my pipe again!  Don't make me get unethical!  Because we've all seen that's a road I often travel.

I can't withdraw.  I was appointed!  Didn't you hear me say that to my client at the beginning of the story?  Because I clearly have no problem telling you everything.

I swear, Starr... if you make me drop this pipe again...

This may seem a bit outlandish, but the book is called Public Defender IN ACTION!

More action!

Now, where's my pipe?  Oh, here it is!

The bank directors paid you?  Wait a minute, aren't you a district attorney?  If not, what is your involvement in this case?  This makes no sense!  I will smite you!

Your gun won't kill me, Starr!  I plan on many years ahead of me filled with tobacco-related health concerns.

Seriously, what was Starr's role?  It's like Matt Murdock in the 2003 Daredevil movie where he was prosecuting that guy in court (and did a rather poor job of it, I might add), even though Murdock is a private attorney. This thing just makes no sense.  Then again, that's the title of the blog, so I guess I should be grateful.  So... thanks?

Blarg.  See you tomorrow!