Friday, November 30, 2012

Fatigued? Maybe You've Received an Undiagnosed Gunshot Wound!

As I've gone through a few of these issues of Pep Comics you may have noticed that I overlooked the "Kayo Ward" feature.  This is largely because I find comics that aren't about people with superpowers (can I say "superpowers" without getting sued by the Big Two these days?) are dreadfully dull.  But this particular installment from Pep #3 caught my eye:

It won't be Kayo Ward!  And as you can tell by my demeanor, I LOVE COCAINE!!!!

Okay, the logic of this kind of threw me off.  Kayo gets a telegram, right?  This is what it says:

Now, I recognize that the Western Union guy probably doesn't pay much attention to the messages he's given all day long, but wouldn't that one kind of leap out at you as you're wiring it?  It's not like the message is so cryptic that even the most careless reader can't glean what the sender is driving at.  Those people at Western Union must be some stone cold-hearted dudes is all I'm saying.

But this panel sold me:

THAT is a man who is not in touch with his body's signals.  I sure am tired.  It must be all the Red Bull I've been drinking.  Or maybe the bullet wound is keeping me from getting a good night's sleep... nah, probably the Red Bull.

That's some good stuff right there.

See you Monday!!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Guest-Starring BATMAN! Note That There Are No Refunds!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a "Man of the People."  I respect anyone who is working any job, because every job is important in making the world go around.  So, I am often the last person to complain or criticize someone when they're struggling with getting their job done if  they're giving it their all.

That being said, the Queen of Diamonds needs to raise her standards:

How many times is The Rocket... excuse me, SIR Rocket, going to have to duke it out with these guys?  I appreciate their enthusiasm and their desire to protect the Queen, but their cognitive reasoning skills leave a lot to be desired.  Frankly, I'm surprised the Queen has lasted this long.

Hey!  It's a guest appearance by Batman!

Well.... okay, but he's the KING OF THE BAT-MEN.  That should count for something.

Okay, that was a bit of a disappointment.  The only thing that would make me feel better is a shot of a dead dragon's head being crammed into the mouth of gigantic blue turtle.  And... AND... the turtle should have striped legs.

Say what you will about Pep Comics, it has its moments of greatness.

The problem I have with that statement is that there are going to be kids who are as dumb as I was and think that it's possible to go kayaking and travel the speed of light.  And I would insist that it was possible because I "had read it somewhere."

So how do we end such a fanciful epic?

Yeah, just have him repair the ship off-panel and launch 'em.  Of course, he arguably could have done that at the beginning  of the story, but I don't read these things for their gritty realism.

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Pitching Pennies at Tecumseh!

Let's check in on The Midshipman from Pep #3, shall we?

Considering how demanding Princess has been in the past, she's being a surprisingly cheap date.

I had to Google what "pitching pennies" actually is.  Apparently, you toss the pennies at the statue, and the person who has their coin closest to the statute wins all the coins on the ground.  It is believed that variations of this game have been played since Ancient Greece and may have shown up in the first Olympics, where I'm sure it was really entertaining for onlookers.

Hey... if you have areas designated solely for parades, you've got to expect all kinds of parades.

Yeah, the free use of "gay" and "queer" back in the day make for easy cheap jokes.  I never claimed I was above it.


Give me a minute....

Okay, that means he was hurt.  I had to diagram the sentence to be sure.

You know he's hurt because his head is fully wrapped:

Even the President of the United States has asked me to thank you!


Well... he didn't NOT ask me to not unthank you!

I love the Golden Age.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Do You Like Whips? Because Von Leo Would Like to Speak with You.

The Press Guardian story from Pep #3 has me befuzzled.  First, it appears that even though they totally revamped the character from the first story, they're going to bring it up.  

So, was Perry "The Falcon"?  Why did he lose that identity?  Someone needs to make with some explanations, or I may lose my deep reverence for this particular character.

Anyway, never wonder if your arch enemy really died, because you'll totally jinx it.

But Leo is a pretty cool cat, so I don't mind seeing him come back:

Yeah!  And shove bamboo strips under her fingernails if she doesn't make my sandwich correctly!

But Leo really doesn't think things through.  Thusly:

Now, I'm not trying to tell Leo how to run his evil railroad there, but wouldn't it have made more sense to just bomb the Daily Express?  I mean, it just seems a bit more direct is all...

Leo has a hard time with the smaller picture as well.  Thusly:

...or, if I remember that I have a gun in my other hand, I'll just play it safe and shoot you!

Not that our hero is much better:

Okay, this does make more sense than Batman tucking his cowl into disguises (which is much more effective than I would anticipate), but how did the guard recognize the Press Guardian without his mask?  It's not that Perry uses the greatest disguise, but all things considered, that's one sharp henchmen.  When the Moronia Bund folks are looking to advance someone into management, they should review this guy.

And seriously, why is Perry even bothering?

I'm not sure who the bald guy is.  Is that his dad?  Because his dad doesn't know that Perry is the Press Guardian.  Although he certainly does now.

You know what you can't do?  This:

Try to lift someone high over your head that isn't cooperating.  It's not going to happen.  And if Perry has powers, I've yet to see that explained or revealed so I'm calling shenanigans.

See you tomorrow!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Visor-Lifty! Melty-Melty! Willy-Nilly! All in One Post!

And we're back!  Hope everyone had a great holiday!  Let's check out the Comet story from Pep Comics #3:

Okay, I have a question....

... does everyone just know who the Comet really is?  I ask this because at the beginning of the story, a cop addressed him by his real name.  And it wasn't some big-wig muckety-muck cop, either.  So I thought that maybe his identity was common knowledge by law enforcement.  But as you can see, he's an easy man to find by pretty much anyone with a phone book.  If it were me, I certainly wouldn't just live in a regular house if I were out beating up criminals.  That's why you have caves and your fortresses in the Arctic and such.  I mean, the Fantastic Four were pretty easy to find, but they had all kinds of security measures Reed Richards came up with.  It seems that someone is a little too confident in their abilities.

Especially for a guy who is helpless in a glass tube:


I don't know whether the colorist thought suddenly the Comet had ingested Joker toxin or what, but that is really creepy.

And it didn't stop there:

Or there:

So, putting aside the "everyone in this story is wearing really bright lipstick for no discernable reason" issue, the Comet is hypnotized and no longer limits his homicidal rampages to bad guys.

And, as one might expect of a fellow name "Satan," he cheated his partner, who then returned the favor by siccing the still-hypnotized Comet on him:

That's a pretty pitiful death scene for someone named "Satan," but it is what it is.

Unfortunately, as he seems wont to do, the Comet left his shield up:

Visor-lifty, melty-melty... you get the idea.

The Comet then comes out of the spell for no reason in particular:

I don't think that if you're hypnotized to that level that the death of your hypnotist is going to just undo everything.  I'm just saying.  I mean, I know we couldn't have him flying around melting people willy-nilly indefinitely, but ...

Oh, and that was the last panel.  We have an actual cliffhanger!  I don't know if it's going to be an ongoing thing or if he's going to clear his name in the next issue, but that's kind of a rarity for your Golden Age stories.

See you tomorrow

Friday, November 16, 2012

If I was Going to Make Up a Name, It Wouldn't be "Zongarr."

Dear Ones, I fear I'll be taking a week off for the Thanksgiving Holiday next week.  I hope you have a great one!  I, for one, am grateful that I was able to return to blogging glory with more readers than ever.  So thanks to everyone who came back after the hiatus and welcome to the newsters.

But as we head off for a well-deserved vacation, let us learn about the Golden Age Shield.

The Shield...

... does not support diversity.

And the Shield...

... is a master of disguise.  Hey!  Don't look at me from the neck down!

The Shield...

... is courteous enough to phone ahead.

And the Shield...

was apparently a fan of Nickelback.

I'll see you Monday, November 26th with new posts!  Have a great holiday!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Man Behind the Gilbert Electric Eye!

So I'm about to plow into Pep Comics # 3 (because when you write a blog like this, Pep Comics is a golden goose if ever there was one), and I just have to take a look at the ads.  This time, you can force guilty relatives and neighbors who don't want trouble to buy magazines.  And look at one of the prizes you can earn!


So naturally, I had to see exactly what a Gilbert Electric Eye was, because if the picture is anything to go by, it's what Reed Richards uses to travel to the Negative Zone.

Turns out "Gilbert" was Alfred Carlton Gilbert.  Alf's friends and I'm sure thousands of satisfied lovers called him "A.C." because anyone that bitchin' didn't have time for long handles like "Alfred Carlton."

And before you think I'm just being snarky, you should know that A.C. was a pretty cool cat.  He saved Christmas in 1918 by convincing Congress not to ban the production of toys during WWI.  It also turns out that at one point, the man held the world record for most consecutive chin-ups.  He invented the pole-vaulting box (that place where the jumpers plant their pole) and, just to show everyone what's what, actually won a gold medal in the sport in 1908.

And somewhere along the line he invented a little thing called the Erector Set.  By the time of his death, he had patented over 150 toys.

Meanwhile, I have a blog where I make clever little comments about things I find in comic books.  I guess everyone just has to find their niche.

So what was the Gilbert Electric Eye?  Near as I can tell, you hooked it up to whatever you wanted to operate via a photoelectric eye.  So, if you wanted to hook it up to your alarm clock so it would go off when sunlight struck it, there you go.

Before I call it a day, check out the wording of this coupon:

"... and be QUICK about it!"  Jim Thayer apparently appreciated verbal abuse.  I'm not trying to judge, but he was clearly no A.C. Gilbert.

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Ambrose Brought His "A" Game...

From All-Flash Quarterly #7.  John Ambrose apparently has a little somethin' somethin' for a chick with soft hands...

Take it from me, fellas.  No matter what the girl says, it's always time for mush!

Ambrose...DUDE.  We've all been there, but have a little self-respect.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Sling Back the Jive, You Greybeard in a Cage!

From All-Flash Quarterly #7:

Men and women have strong yet polarized opinions regarding the literary value of the "Twilight" series...

Dang straight, you are.

From Pep #2, a little Fun with Out of Context Artwork! (tm!):

Hmmmmm... I'd feel a little less creepy about it if it weren't for the location of his left hand there and the expression on her face.  Don't act like you don't see it.  All we need are some quotation marks.  Thusly:

Meanwhile at home: Connie and Kayo "talk things over."

See what I did there?  It's a gift.

Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue!:

Word, sistah!

See you tomorrow!

Friday, November 9, 2012

You Shouldn't Tell Me to Do What I Want if You're Planning on Punishing Me if I Do What I Want. That's Entrapment.

No posting on Monday, my lovelies... it being a holiday and all.

But that's okay, because it's time for The Midshipman story from Pep Comics #2!

Now you may recall that Lee Samson (who, with a name like that, had to either be a military man or a carny) had the dubious honor of winning the conditional affections of .... eh, I don't remember her name and I don't care enough to scroll down to find it.  And apparently her affections are as fleeting as ever:

It was explained earlier in the story about how if Lee ran his part of the race one way, his team would win, but I don't think it was a relay race so I'm not really sure how that would have worked.  Anyway, Lee should have stuck with the "good riddance" sentiment, but you know he'll be apologizing to Princess as soon as the race is over.

Again, I'm not sure where that's coming from.  He's saying he wants to beat someone individually, even if that means his team loses.  That may be disloyal, or not a team player, but I don't think he's a quitter.  No wonder Lee looks confused there.

I have a really hard time following these stories.

Anyway, he ends up running the race, which is as exciting as reading about a race in a comic book is, which is to say not at all. Here he's running chest-deep through a river or something:

Okay, even if we have no clue it's going to rain (because we all know the military doesn't have all kinds of meteorological tech stuff for predicting the weather), don't you think they would have marked off an alternate route before the race began?  I mean, the military trains pretty hard to be able to adapt to situations.  The fact that they weren't able to come up with a way to detour a race in the amount of time it took for a chest-deep river to form isn't one of our proudest moments.

That's right, Daniels.  You race Lee Samson and you're going down.  One way or another.

I have no proof Lee was responsible, but you just know he was.

Oh, man... we learned a lesson.  I hate learning lessons.

See?  What did I say.  Whipped.

See you Tuesday!