Thursday, December 13, 2012

Every District Attorney is One Lost Case Away from Villainy!

I have to admit I've been a little disappointed in All-Flash Quarterly.  Sure, there have been some bright spots, but for every Roy Revenge there has been a slew of generic gangster bad guys that painfully proved to me once again that a hero is only as interesting as the villains he fights.  Which is why Batman is so awesome and Superman is so lame. 

But every so often, just when I'm about to dutifully go through an issue of All-Flash Quarterly with zero expectations, I'm given issue #12.

HUNK NORVOCK!  That is the greatest name ever.

And this is the worst district attorney ever:

Wow.  Way to fold up your tent there, Clifford.  It's one thing to see that your case is in trouble, but it's a whole 'nuther thing to waive a white flag once you're in trial.  Clifford lost some serious cred there with the public who holds an election every four years to determine whether or not Clifford will still be doing that job.  Thusly:

I don't know why Clifford is looking all resentful.  The man did everything short of wet his pants and lay in the fetal position in the middle of the courtroom.  Did he expect anything else?

But then Clifford goes completely off the rails and decides that not only is being a prosecutor not his bag, but he's now going to resort to a life of crime.  Of course, he could always just do something else in the legal profession, go back to school and enter a different profession... there are many attractive options out there.  But not Clifford.

Clifford likes him some whiskey and rye, it appears.

So, I'm singin' "Bye, bye, Mr. Prosecutor Guy,
In a hurry, told the jury
Norvack's witness wouldn't lie
And now your career has taken a dive
I guess now you'll lead a life of criiiiiiiime
Soon as you finish your whiskey and ryeeeeeeee"

It took me a few minutes to come up with something that would fit into the chorus of "American Pie" like that.  If Clifford had put that kind of effort into preparing his case, he wouldn't be staring resentfully into his shot glass like that.

See you tomorrow!


PhineasBg (Jay) said...
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PhineasBg (Jay) said...
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PhineasBg (Jay) said...
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Adam Barnett said...

Dude, we totally have to leave these comments. They were funnier than the original post!

James Robert Smith said...

I love the goofy old comics. No pretensions. Just crap to poison the minds of kids.

Unknown said...

Wow! I never realised being the child of a 'great leader' makes your testimony unassailable in court. That legal precedent will certainly come in handy if (for example) the Bush twins are ever arrested for drink driving.

Adam Barnett said...

IKR? But back in the day, even more so than now, folks imputed all kinds of personality traits on you depending on whether you "came from a good family" or not. It's amazing to see that logic so readily accepted.