Thursday, December 3, 2009

Because a Comic Book Reader Hadn't Become President of the United States until 2008 Thursday!

Know what? It's amazing!!!

Wow, what are you talking about, Mr. Creepy Guy with Underage Girlfriend?

I don't know if I could handle much more success, popularity and fame than this blog gives me. I can barely walk down the street as it is. But, go on.

You're losing me. Life has seemed pretty dang long already. How much more of this do I have to go through before the sweet release of death and I am given my hero's welcome in Valhalla? Again, need I remind you that I'm the writer of Comics Make No Sense. My destiny in the Hereafter is pretty well assured at this point.

So, what's going to give you the big bucks, the women, the power? Dealing in illegal narcotics? Well, probably that, but here's a different idea:

Yes, learn to play Boogie-Woogie on the piano! Can I just say a little something to all those morons out there who wear their pants around their kneecaps and baseball caps askew like Rootie Kazootie? These people used to think Boogie-Woogie was going to be the hepcat thing forever, too! Enjoy that rap music. It'll be cool forEVERRRRR.

The cool thing about Boogie-Woogie is that "you can play it if you can play piano at all." But what if you can't? Why, they've got you covered!:

Wow! Isn't that handy? So I can go from no piano ability to ladies man/boogie-woogie player and I only have to use my credit card once! They make it too easy!

Which do you think would be a handier skill: Ventriloquism or swimming? Well, if you didn't know your comics, you'd think swimming. And you, my friend, could not be more wrong if you tried. Exhibit "A":

That's right. It's twice as valuable to know how to tell bad jokes through a painted wooden object than to swim. Now you know. And knowledge is power!

Sorry. I'm really tired and that first picture creeped me out.


Anonymous said...

i realize these are comic bok ads but we want comic book silliness

Zocktastic said...

Oh, I dunno. I'm quite satisfied with some nice, goofy comic book ad silliness.

I'm interested to hear how these clowns reason that boogie-woogie piano playing and ventriloquism will "add years to your life". Though I can see how swimming lessons could do that, if you happened to be drowning.

Anonymous said...

don't get me wrong, i love comic book ad siiliness as much as the next guy, but i prefer, t=out of context dialoge, costume/character halls of shame/fame, random ray usage and plain old shennanigans. so bring them adam or face angry emails. ( p.s this is my first time commenting but i love your blog)

Aurora Moon said...

That "girlfriend" really creeped me out too... She looks like as she's plotting murder or something.

the old guy's thinking: "aww, yeah, I get to get it on with a young lady tonight"...

but I'm betting you that he ends up dead by the next morning, and all of his money/valuables will be mysteriously missing... ;)