Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Family Values Wednesday!

We nerds rarely get a chance to be in the know, so while I'm stealing part of this cute story, I don't think Kyle will mind:

Kyle and his very-understanding girlfriend (whose name we will conceal so that no one else knows she's dating a nerd - some girls try to hide that sort of thing) go to Dark Knight. As most of us know, the Watchmen trailer was shown. Kyle's girl (who, God bless her, is trying to be supportive) assumes it is a trailer for the Avengers movie we all hope to see some day. So, she asks where Iron Man is.

Good try, right? Of course it is!

Kyle explains that this is a whole different set of characters from a different company. She accepts this, then asks where Batman is.

Isn't that precious? Couldn't you die?

But, wait! It gets better!

I'm telling this story to Beloved, and she doesn't understand why any of that is funny. Where were Iron Man and Batman?

I love Beloved more than life itself, and she tries to keep up, but she is strictly limited to comic book movies and television shows. She understands that we're like people who watch soap operas, or as my Grandmother called them, her "stories." She'll accept a capsulized accounts of the major events and then count on me to remind her of the big issues when they appear on screen.

So, while she appreciates that my hobby does not involve compulsive gambling or other women, she will not read a comic to save her life. This, understandably, affects her grasp as to why Batman and Iron Man aren't members of the Watchmen and explains why Thor dropped his "brick" when she bumped into his action figure in my office.

You know, the Mighty Brick of Thor.

Well, enough of that. On with Superboy-related silliness!

From Superboy #124:

Well, no matter how you're using it, that is an important word....

From Superboy #117:

Now, see here! I'll accept Chief Parker as an ape or a criminal.... but a woman? Sputter! Sputter! Impossible!

From Adventure Comics #355:

Now, why should Lana have to stick around and hang out in Reject Row? That's like in beauty pageants, where they make all the people that just got cut come out en masse and perform one last musical number. Your dream is shattered, losers, but come on out and sing the theme from "Fame."

Fame! I'm gonna live forevvvverrrr.... I'm gonna learn how to fly - HIGH!

Okay. I'll stop now.

A little back page guilt-trip from Adventure Comics #358:

Way to sell me on community service. So, I have to be supervised by an adult, you say? Hmmmmmmmm.... I went out of my way to avoid adult supervision as a child (and, let's face it, continue to do so as an adult). The last thing I'm going to do is sign up for some manual labor with some power-drunk schmuck telling me the right way to hold a rake.

And what's with letting the kids use broken glass for an arts and crafts project? You know what I would have done if I'd been the artist? I would have drawn the kids in the last panel with all kinds of cuts and gashes. That would have been hilarious. Don't act like you disagree.

Still no job offers from Marvel or DC. They just don't know what they're missing, do they?


FoldedSoup said...

Stories like that remind me of how lucky I am at times. I got these during the trailer from my girl:

"Is... is this ... Wachmen?!? Holy Crap!"

"Night Owl's not pudgy enough."

"Well, at least Jon's naked."


Sea-of-Green said...

Thor and Ignatz Mouse: Separated at birth. ;-)

Anonymous said...

no they dont Adam, no they dont!

Tracer Bullet said...

For a short time, I got my wife to read "Strangers in Paradise" as part of a long-term plan to convince her of the artistic value of "Cherry" and "Housewives at Play." She read it for awhile, then she wanted me to pick up her copy when I went to my local shop. When I refused, where's the geek cred in that?, she just stopped reading. Le sigh.

SallyP said...

Isn't it amazing that it is more horrible to be a woman (shudder) than an ape?


Of course that teacher will be back to watch Lana write Ecstasy on the chalkboard...over and over and over. From behind.

hypocritical_kitten said...

my *supposedly* geek fella asked me what they'd done to batman's costume when he saw it, having heard me talk about it before, he assumed it was dc, and therefore owlman was a funny looking batman.
Never letting him live that one down.