So I was thumbing my way through Space Adventures #42 and, as is often the case, I found the ads more entertaining than the stories themselves.
Wow. Now, I am the first to say that times change, because in my day wearing a bike helmet would get you ostracized (if not knocked off your bike) by your peers, and it is now considered perfectly okay by nearly everyone.
But it seems like, even back in 1961 when this ad came out, that this is just an invitation to a level of ridicule that would have you devoting at least one evening a week to therapy well into your adult years. And, social stigma notwithstanding, that looks like it would be a heck of a thing to keep clean, so it would ultimately be a safety hazard when you couldn't see clearly through it.
But it goes on. Thusly:
I think we've touched on luggage ads before, but this one impressed me with its honesty:
I'm not even sure what "fancy" luggage is, which tells you how formal my upbringing was.
Moving on to perhaps one of the most short-sighted things you could give a child:
Oooookay... and then what? Do we toss the baby chick to fend for itself in the elements? Do we let the kid raise it until the time comes for it to be the "guest of honor" at dinner? I'm just not sure where this is leading me.
As a child, of course, I would have shoved this ad under my mother's nose and she wisely would have told me I was out of my mind, like when I wanted a live rabbit for Easter. It seems like this is one of those things that's just designed to create a rift between parent and child.
Speaking of which, imagine if your kid came to you and said s/he won a contest and this was first prize:
Yes, it is an in-ground swimming pool. By the way, you have to install it yourself.
But I'm not sure the other prizes were any better:
Yes, nothing teaches poise like sticking your child in a giant hamster wheel. I understand this is a common technique used by British Royalty in preparation for social formals.
And by the way, I tried to find out if "Washington State Schools for the Blind" were really sticking visually impaired children in these things, and I found nothin'. If anyone can confirm/deny this, please let me know because, frankly, I find the idea very troubling.
It was embarrassment of riches today, but I'm still not above a little Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)
Yeah, Weirdo! Let's see how you like juice!
See you tomorrow!
Not just any pool materials, but asbestos! Nothing but the best in those bygone days!
Well, we all know how often swimming pools were just randomly bursting into flames, so it only makes sense to make it out of asbestos.
You never know when you'll get an oil spill in your pool. Folks were prepared back in the day...
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