Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Forget the Past and Marry Your Sister Tuesday!

Well, we've come this far, so I know you'd never forgive me if we didn't finish the "Roy Revenge" story from All-Flash Quarterly #2.  The quarterly usually had four stories in it, but this mamma-jamma took up the whole thing, so even writer Gardner Fox recognized how awesome this tale was and wouldn't shorten it up for anyone.

Anyhoo, Joe Connor was imprisoned, as was Roy:

Considering the trouble and dedication Joe Connor went through to execute his revenge, Roy is seeming pretty sissified here.  I mean, I know Roy isn't aware that Joe went so far as to raise someone else's child for the sole purpose of getting back at them, but I'm thinking Joe was probably a bit more dedicated and should have called himself "Joe Revenge."

Fortunately, Joe is a bit more dedicated.  He breaks himself out of prison by hiding in a barrel of lye... which is a really bad, disfiguring idea.  But Joe is nothing if not persistent, so he makes lemons out of the lye that melted his face halfway off his skull and changes his face so he's not identifiable.  And then Joe breaks Roy out of prison so that Roy can get his revenge.

Meanwhile, Jay finally connected the dots Jim Kelley should have connected about seventeen years earlier:

Don't sign anything until you get a paternity test, Jim!  That's a lot of back child support you could be owing.

Jay promises the help of his alter-ego, who rather carelessly shows up a few minutes later.

Okay, we all know the Flash doesn't wear a mask, right?  I mean, Jim Kelley is about as dense as iridium (which is pretty dang dense... and I know because I googled it), but I would think that even he would notice that the guy standing in front of him is the same guy who was standing in front of him a few minutes earlier.  At least Clark Kent wore glasses.

And yes, I know all about the vibrating Jay supposedly does to keep people from recognizing him, but look here:


His face looks pretty clear to me, and this comic is 70 years old.

And that whole "internal vibration" thing seems like a lot of trouble.  So you just twitch all the time?  Wouldn't it be a lot less trouble to just slap a mask over your face?

Anyway, Roy shows up to shoot Jim Kelley, and the Flash lets him know how the cow ate the cabbage:

As you can see by how quickly he process this information, Roy is his father's son.

But Joe, who is still more badass captured than Roy would be with a nuclear bomb strapped to his fanny, takes himself out with a poisoned cigarette:

I think all cigarettes are actually poisoned in their own way.  This one was just quicker.  So long, Joe!  You were much more interesting than your victims.

Speaking of which, things get creepy when Greg and Marcia Brady decide they can act on their smoldering attraction to one another.  And I realize they aren't related by blood, but they were raised together as brother and sister, so... that's just gross.

And there was an ad in the back of the comic for selling Christmas cards or something.  Look at what you got if you sold a single order:

Yes, a live canary.  You've got to give them points for originality on that one.  Although I don't care how safe the delivery is "guaranteed" to be, I'd still be concerned about lawsuits if a bunch of kids get a bunch of dead birds in the mail.  But people were less litigious then, I suppose.

See you tomorrow!


MarvelX42 said...

That's what he shoulda did. He shoulda sold Christmas cards.
Step 1: sell Christmas cards
Step 2: get canary
Step 3 repeat steps 1 and 2 500 times
Step 4: Train canarys to hate Jim Kelley
Step 5: ???
Step 6: Revenge

SallyP said...

Marvel, I like how you think.