Monday, March 7, 2016

Giant-Man vs. Giant Spider. You're Welcome.

We've got a case of the Mondays, and the only cure is more Giant-Man from Tales to Astonish #65!

Wow.  Look at that costume.  I just don't even know where to begin, other than to say, "Welcome to the Costume Hall of Shame (tm!), Giant-Man's second costume!"

How did such an awful thing come about?  Well, Hank had a idea that he's in need of yet another upgrade:

Hank really loses interest in things quickly.  He went from a guy who shrank and commanded insects (which was awesome) to a guy who could grow really large (although he'd jump back and forth between shrinking and growing, referring to himself as "Ant-Man" or "Giant-Man" depending on which he was doing at the time).  It seems to me like the guy was pretty well outfitted in the combat department, but he seems to get bored and wants to try out new things.  Jan should probably take note of this.

Anyway, Jan decides to make Hank a new costume:

So, we're left blaming Jan for this one.  Which makes sense, because she would change her own costume regularly, with each one being more garish than the last.  So, since this was her first attempt at designing a costume, it wouldn't add up if she did well right out of the starting gate.

Anyhoo, Hank accidentally causes a spider to get really big:

You're being a big help, Jan.  Thanks.

Shut up, Jan. (tm!)

What?  See, I'm still confused about where Hank's powers come from.  Remember when that crook got Hank's costume and was able to grow?  This would tie in with that, but not two pages earlier, we had this:

.... and I don't see a helmet atop Hank's head.

Anyway, he fights said giant spider, complete with romance comics dialog:

And if you want to see what it would look like live-action, there's this:

Which came out several years earlier.


Hank nearly dies from a wardrobe malfunction:

Yes, Jan.  Yes you did.  Thanks a load for messing with my stuff.

Ah, the melodrama!

Anyoo, Hank gets his helmet and this happens:

Which I don't know really solves anything, because he still has a giant spider on his head.

And it's only because I find the artwork there so hilarious that I didn't crop it out for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)  So here it is:

Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

Heh heh.

Moving on:

That costume certainly is a sight... and it ain't getting any better.

Kind of a cool moment here, though:

See?  I don't hate everything.

And here we officially have Hank's new power: 

All this is because he was focusing on how to make other things huge.  This is a real "absent-minded professor" moment, because if you're fighting something or someone, I would think the least helpful thing you could do for yourself would be to cause it to get larger.  But Hank's the genius here, even if his taste in girlfriends leaves a lot to be desired.

See you tomorrow!


Wayne Allen Sallee said...

Why didn't they both just leave the room? Of course we wouldn't have a story then.

Adam: Here is Wayne's Theory About Hank Pym (tm).

Wasn't there some talk by the time he was Yellowjacket and slapped Jan around that his brain was messed up because of shrinking and growing? I think we can add early dementia to that and say that Hank just kept forgetting if he grow or shrink on his own, if he needed his helmet or a condom or Iron Man underoos.

Am I overthinking this?

Adam Barnett said...

That makes a certain amount of sense, Wayne. The Ant-Man/Giant-Man saga kind of reminds me of that Stepford Wives reboot that had Nicole Kidman in several years back. Were they androids replacing the wives? Were they the wives, just brainwashed? Who knows, because we saw evidence of both in the same movie. I think it's just supposed to be a given using whatever rules they wanted to apply at the time. And when I was what they probably assumed their target age to be, I probably would have accepted that. But I'm old now, and I want ANSWERS!