Friday, February 27, 2015

D'Oh! I Should Have Realized Something was Up When Our Kidnap Victim was Wearing a Captain America Mask!

Okay, we're just going to end this week and start next week powering through the last couple of issues of Captain America Comics because... well, it's just getting depressing.

Brace yourself for the most extraordinary of coincidences.

How fortunate that Captain America just happened to be travelling by at that moment... and was able to hear him through the skylight.

Okay, I recognize that the sense of touch is a perfectly legitimate way for a visually-impaired person to get an idea of what a person looks like, so I'm not going to say a word.


Whew!  I'm still a (marginally) decent person.

And things get even sillier:

Speaking of visually-impaired, these mobsters know what Collins looks like.  So keep that in mind:

So, how is it that the mobsters not only didn't notice that Collins was wearing a Captain America mask, but the guy who snatched Collins's son didn't notice that the boy was wearing an entire Bucky costume?  Thusly:

And just when I think it can't get any more ridiculous:

Wait for it... you know it's coming...

You know, I had Lasik surgery on my eyes and it was a miracle, but apparently I could have saved myself thousands of dollars by having a guy fire a handgun across the bridge of my nose.

And then things get really weird:

Okay, why did he have to get all cryptic and "Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus" on his kid?  Cap and Bucky were indeed real.  Everyone saw it.  He didn't have to get philosophical or metaphysical in the slightest.  "Yes, son, they're real.  We just saw them."  Case closed!  Does everything have to be so dang heartwarming?

I guess I'm just getting bitter in my old age.  I'm surprised you still come and visit me.

I'll see you Monday!


Unknown said...

"Another day, another gang of spies sent to prison"?

Even aside from how blase Cap sounds about it, were gangs of spies really so common back then that it was not possible to go a day without stumbling across one?

Wayne Allen Sallee said...

I had Lasik and while I'm back to a very low prescription 15 years later (they told me to expect that because of my cerebral palsy), my vision still went from 30/400 to 20/30.

Isn't the smell of bacon frying while you eyes are pinned open an amazing thing?

Adam Barnett said...

But wasn't it totally worth it, Wayne? Five minutes on a table and bam! Beloved got to see the procedure on a monitor in a waiting room and... well, she said it was a little unnerving.

Commie spies are EVERYWHERE, Unknown! EVERYWHERE!

Wayne Allen Sallee said...

Totally worth it, Adam. I can walk around the house for an hour and forget I'm not wearing my 1.05 glasses.

People do question why I had to wear glasses again, I let them put my old pair on and watch them faint. Then I take their wallets.

Aaron Carine said...

In old comics, just about any disability or ailment could be cured by getting shot or getting hit on the head. I wonder how many kids who read the comics tried this themselves.