Friday, July 2, 2010

Only Female Robots Get Nicknames Friday!

Nothing will leave you more emotionally confused than reading Metal Men.

The Metal Men were kind of like Metamorpho only limited to the properties of the metal from which they were forged. Thusly:

Got it? Oh, and there was also Platinum (or "Tina"), who was forged of whatever metal makes you advocate women's suffrage:

Of course, that begged the question of why the good doctor made any of the Metal Men women if he was so sure that women were useless, but I digress.

Long-time readers of this here blog know Adam loves him a good death scene, but in their debut appearance in Showcase v1 #37, the entire team was taken out.

First to go was Tin:

Then Iron and Gold:

And then Mercury, Lead and Tina:

Did you ever build something with Legos or Tinker Toys or Lincoln Logs for the express purpose of knocking it over and reducing it back to a pile of little pieces? I'm getting that feeling here. On the one hand, these were very noble deaths and this was very unusual for a comic to take this direction back in the day. On the other hand, come on! Even the Suicide Squad never lost the entire team (although they came dang close that one time they teamed up with the Doom Patrol).

And we finish with a very unusual thing for a comic book character to say:

So, is the second guy telling Doc Magnus to write a letter? Because I really think he is, or this is just nonsensical to the point of creepy, like that scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. You know the one I'm talking about. This one:

And besides, why wouldn't you bring the Metal Men back into being? Wouldn't you feel obliged to do so just as a sort of "Thanks for Saving Mankind" gesture? I would think that alone should be enough to put 'em back together if you can, Mr. Creepy Break-the-Fourth-Wall Man!

Personally, I like to read it as if he's telling Doc Magnus to write a letter to his own publishers, pleading for his continued existence. If you read it that way, it's hilarious!

Forgive me. It's been quite a week.

Was this truly the end of the Metal Men? Nope. They're still clanking around today, fifty years later. Not bad for something used as a filler issue for Showcase!

See you Monday!


Britt Reid said...

You'll notice the only statue Magnus is holding, is Tina's...

Tom K Mason said...

That first panel is like listening to super-heroes speed-date.

Lorenzo! said...

Dare I suggest the good Doc may have created Tina with "other" uses in mind?

And big Lols at Tom's 'speed-dating' comment! You always know you're reading a superior superhero comic when the characters introduce themselves in such a naturalistic manner (more often than not in the heat of the battle, too: "I'm - SOCKO - The Green Guardian, - PUMMEL - sent by my masters to - THWACK - rid the Universe of - SPWA-KWOOM* - scum like you!" Because let's face it, just because you're ultra-violent doesn't mean that you can't be polite).

*sfx TM

Anonymous said...

Wow, you have to love the fact that the implication with Tina is, "Sure, if I was a real woman I'd be weak and useless, but since I'm not, I can be an equal!"

Rose said...

Why does Tina's shoulder look so out of socket right before she wires up the radioactive manta ray thing {I dunno what it is exactly}...I thought the bolts would have prevented that...

I liked Tin...

Zocktastic said...

I thought the exact same thing, Anonymous. "If I were an actual woman, you would be perfectly justified in discriminating against me, but since I'm only a mechanical facsimile of a woman, you're outta line, buster!"

Am I the only one who finds the art in Tin's death scene highly creepy? He's all twisted and melty and eeeugh... And who's he talking to? "Ag"? Was there a Silver on the team back then? (LAME JOKE ALERT) Well, at least he can take comfort in the fact that show-offs Gold and Iron died even more useless deaths than he.