This Must Be One of Them Smoke Screens I've Heard So Much About!

Continuing All-Flash Quarterly #6 , we have the first ever multi-panel Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

This next one doesn't have any double meaning (unless you just find something perverse in everything), but it was pretty dang funny:

That's a meme in the making somehow.  I'm not sure how, but it's going to take off.  Maybe not in my lifetime, but just remember, you read it here first.

Hey!  It's time for more Fun with Out of Context Dialogue!(tm)!:

That will make you a hit with the ladies.

Anyway, back to the story.  You may recall that Winky, Blinky and Noddy had somehow (AND I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO EXPLAIN IT AGAIN, GARDNER FOX!) developed a machine that caused people to exchange personalities.  Here we see that the Flash managed to switch personalities with all three of the guys at once:

This is presumably because they barely had one brain between them, which was actually rather clever.  And the look on Jay's face right there makes this well worth your dime.

Speaking of which, check out the Flash button they gave you for free.  FREE!

WANT.

All you had to do was fill out this handy coupon.  Of course, that meant destroying your copy of a Golden Age comic that would result in a net loss of thousands of dollars, but they didn't think in those terms back in the day:

Now for me, with the exception of the "Roy's Revenge" story, I would prefer the four individual tale format rather than the one book-length feature, but that's just me.  As to the "Three Dim-wits," . . . well, they do give some much needed comic relief, and there's only so many times you can watch Jay rescue Joan, so I'm hoping the readers went for it.

There are actually come pretty decent replicas of the button you can get for a couple of bucks online, but I'd want the real deal.  There's only so much room on Adam's shelves.  Here is what I believe to be a shot of the original issue:

Again... WANT!

See you tomorrow!

"Secretions of the Glands" are ALWAYS a Great Plot Device!

Thanks for bearing with me, everyone.  Work had really gone crazy for a while, but I think that things are starting to level out.  I hope you enjoyed Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog.  I watched it for the first time over the weekend, and since it was put out by Joss Whedon of The Avengers movie fame (which, I'm embarrassed to admit, I still haven't yet seen but I totally will) I thought it was worth passing along.

 So I'm reading All-Flash Quarterly #6 and apparently I missed out that the three idiot henchmen in the last issue were going to be recurring characters.  They're called Winky, Blinky and Noddy and between that and their rhyming last names, they pretty much had to hang out together.

Like most Liberal Arts majors, they didn't have any marketable skills, so they decide to start a "personality building" business:

... which sounds ridiculous, until you realize that "life coach" is actually a thing now.

Apparently, this involves either being a compounding pharmacist, alchemy, or just the desire to drink whatever you can get your hands on:

That exchange reminded me of the last line of the opener to David Lee Roth's Yankee Rose video.  Is everyone old enough to remember that?

Oh, what the heck.  Here it is:

They played music videos on MTV when I was a kid.  Scarred me for life.

Anyway, the boys invent some kind of personality machine, that Gardner Fox explains in typical Gardner Fox detail:

And, as usual, I don't understand nary a word.  But I am going to work in the phrase "my emotions are rioting inside of me" at the next available opportunity.

And I'm not sure how this fit in, but the Flash  encounters a social worker who likes to take her work home with her:

I was a social worker once and I never actually took a child home with me.  I'm just saying.  That's a little odd.  As in "does Social Services know this woman is helping herself to a little orphan boy?" kind of odd.

Of course, things go wrong, but the fast-talking Winky, Blinky and Noddy are too clever not to buy themselves some time:

I would be the portly guy in the middle.  What do you mean we went to have ice cream?  I don't remember having any ice cream!

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

Yes, the child said "gollywobbles."  And he says it a lot.  Nearly every panel in which he appears has that phrase, and I'm skeptical I can make that phrase popular.

But you know I'll try.

I looked it up, by the way.  This guy has a blog by that name, so someone else must have said it somewhere.  I saw that it may be a bastardization of the nonsense word "collywobbles" which is "a state of intestinal disorder, usually accompanied by a rumbling stomach."  Which, of course, makes it awesome.

That's not very American of you, Flash.  We're all about interfering with the life choices of others if we don't happen to agree with them.  That's as American as spray-tanning.

More on this story tomorrow.  Oh, did I mention that the machine started switching people's personalities with one another?  Like in Freaky Friday?  Yeah, that's happening.  That's probably important.  Sorry I didn't mention it before.

See you tomorrow!

In Which a Day with Neil Patrick Harris is a Fine Apology for Failure to Post New Content

I need a day to get caught up, my lovelies.  Work has just kept me swamped.  But there's no need you shouldn't enjoy Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog.  If you haven't seen it before, you really should... and here it is!

Because You Should Choose Your Partner Based Solely on the Outcome of an Intramural Competition...

Running late again because work is bananas.  In fact, next week may not have daily posts.  Sorry about that in advance.

But let us live in the here and the now, with The Midshipman...

This is a really awkward read.  First, we get big expository paragraphs like so:

And it really isn't necessary because... y'know... comics are a visual art form and whatnot.  You could always just show it in a picture.

Like so:

And that's just the first example.  The whole thing is text, followed by a picture that made all that text unnecessary.  It's like it was written by someone who had no faith in the artist's ability to show what was going on.

But I got some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!), so it was totally worth it:

HA HA HA HA  HAAAAAAAA!

Anyway... Lee rescues the pilot and of course it's a girl:

Oh.  I just spoiled the pic for you didn't I?  Now they've got me doing it.  Anyway, it's not just any girl... then again, in comics it rarely is :

A reward?  I think we've read enough of the stories in Pep Comics #1 here to know where this is going:

Eeeesh.  Again? 

Oh.  Well that settles that.

Some consideration?  For saving your life?  Someone has issues with appreciation.

Well... that's arbitrary.  Nothing makes a fella feel more special than knowing his date is with him because he won a contest.  At that point, Adam would be out. Princess there is a bit high maintenance for me.

Anyway, there's a canoe race.  Yes, it's as exciting in comic form as it sounds.  And Don doesn't take his loss well, so Lee does some Jiu Jitsu, presumably having learned it at Scotland Yard.

I realize I just may not be a romantic, but by the time I was finished fishing her out of the crashed airplane, won a canoe race, and tossed Don Lewis over my shoulder, I'd be thinking the "reward of the smiles of Miss Dennis" weren't worth it at all.  It's not like it's going to end there.  Miss Dennis will have you rowing many a figurative canoe in a never-ending quest to make her happy, and life is too short for jerks like that.

Ah, well.  See you Monday!

The Best Heroes Limit Their Good Deeds to Those of a Specific Occupation

Can you believe all the stuff you got for your dime in Pep Comics #1?  Quantity is always better than quality!  Today we take a look at "The Press Guardian."  Origin paragraph time!:

Hmmm... it sounds like the series should have been called "The Press Guardian otherwise Known as the Falcon" if that was the case, but it was decades before The Artist Formerly Known as Prince made long names a thing.

Also, no one in the story has actually met the Falcon yet, so I think it's premature to say that he "aids the Daily Express."  I think it's more along the lines of "he's gonna aid the Daily Express."

And why is the Daily Express fighting crime?  That's a pretty weak law enforcement presence you must have there.

And, of course, all comic book nerdlingers have noticed that the name "the Falcon" would be revived by Marvel Comics and the name "Central City" would be "acquired" as the home town of the Silver Age Flash.  And note that the reporter's name is "Flash Calvert."  Neat, huh?  

Anyway... apparently the police force is pretty lame indeed, because they let reporters go into crime scenes:

I don't know about you, but I'm hearing the voice of Chief Wiggum in my head for every cop there.

Why shouldn't you let reporters into crime scenes?  Thusly:

Well, it was evidence before you destroyed the chain of custody and got your DNA and fingerprints all over it.  Quit helping.

Anyway, Flash Calvert is apparently like Lois Lane because he goes snooping around and is captured by mobsters.  Apparently, the police need reporters to do criminal investigative work and reporters need costumed heroes to actually enforce the laws.  I guess the police just run the jails or something.  It sounds like a pretty self-contained economy, if you think about it. 

Let's see, he beats the bad guy "unmercifully" until...

he is forced and intimidated into writing a confession.

Oh yeah.  That'll hold up in court.

I don't know why he picked the name "Falcon."  He doesn't really have anything "Falcony" going on.  I don't think you should be allowed to choose your nickname.  And do I really need the caption box telling me the Falcon refused to reveal his identity?  I mean, I can read the dialogue and figure that out quickly enough.

You can tell an evening of drinking a bottle of hard liquor in an empty apartment is in both of their futures, can't you?

Any last words for our readers, Falcon?

Point taken, my friend.  Point taken.

See you tomorrow!

Werewolves Don't Know Much about Jiu Jitsu!

One thing you've got to say about Pep Comics #1... it's a CMNS gold mine!  I'm sure that's not what they were going for, but ...

Hey!  It's time for Bentley of Scotland Yard!

No origin paragraph for Bentley? They figured the title was self-explanatory.  His name is Bentley.  He works for Scotland Yard.  If you need more than this, go re-read that Queen of Diamonds story.

It has action!

Way to let the hurt and beaten suspect just wander away from you there, Bentley... OF SCOTLAND YARD!  Admissions requirements for the Yard must have been rather loose that year.

I'm not knocking Jiu Jitsu, but I've played enough Mortal Kombat to know I'm placing my bet on the werewolf.  

Here's the only character who isn't the intended victim or support personnel.  SPOILER ALERT:  GUESS WHO THE BAD GUY ENDS UP BEING?

Jolly good, eh what?  What's all this, then?  Beans on Toast, eh guv'nah?

I'm half-Scot.  I've offended half of myself.  That's harder to do than it sounds.

And we have a moment that would be emulated by countless Scooby Doo episodes years later:

And I would have gotten away with it, too... if not for you meddling policemen!

Indeed he does, old chap.  Indeed he does.

The Degraded Hands of the Illustrious and Superlative Fu Chang... International Detective's Enemies!

Sorry for the late post, my lovelies!  But it'll be worth it because today we take a look at...

And since this is Pep Comics, you know we're going to get a paragraph's worth of origin:

Did you get all that?  If so, can you explain it to me?

It seems like they probably could have milked a whole story out of that paragraph, but Pep Comics apparently doesn't believe in origin issues.

Apparently, there were two kinds of Asians back in the Golden Age:

Near-Caucasian, and Neon Yellow.  I guess that's how you could tell a good Asian from an evil Asian, because it seems that they were color-coded, at least in the world of Fu Chang... International Detective.

It kind of surprised me that they got away with this story.  Apparently, tapping in to the magic of the chess pieces involved idol-worship:

My parents would have blown a gasket.  And just to make sure we're clear, let's call the idol a graven image:

Yeah, there you go.  Wow.  Try getting away with that these days.  There would be some Fundamentalist watchdog group all over that.  I'm probably inviting a boycott just re-presenting it.

Anyway, the first case of Fu Chang... International Detective was pretty standard stuff other than the ability to bring chess pieces to life and have them run around and do little errands for him.  And, of course, we have to end with the hero being completely subservient to the damsel in distress:

I don't know if anything became of the Illustrious and Superlative Fu Chang... International Detective and Tay Ming, but Jay Garrick never licked Joan's boots like that back in the 40's and they're still married to this day.  Watch and learn, my friends.

See you tomorrow!

Red Rocket Underwear is MY Million-Dollar Idea! I Call It!

Holy jumpin' heck, we had over 350 visitors on Wednesday!  Where the heck are you people coming from?    Eh, it doesn't matter... there's room for you all, if some of you will scootch over a bit.

I'm not a big fan of sci-fi.  It's easy for non-nerdlingers to assume that a fan of one will be a fan of the other, but my appreciation for sci-fi is very limited.  So this may be the greatest comic ever for all I know.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Inter-galactic fight protocol dictates that you pilot your ship shirtless.

Yeah, you can't be giving the aliens on another planet your real name.  They might ... well... come to think of it, who cares if aliens have your real name?  What are they going to do, open up a debit card on Galycon-6?

And "The Rocket" is a very awkward name to choose for yourself.  I'm just saying.

That, my friends, is a man who is desperate for a date.  

I'm starting to see why he had to go to another solar system to get a woman.  Our boy has no game.

Annnnnnddd... he's just established a precedent that will never be broken.  Welcome to Whippedville, The Rocket.  Population: You.

I can't take this.  We need some more Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

Make it a double:

Okay... let's try reading the story again...

GAH!  This is awful.

I forgot to mention this, but the Queen of Diamonds is supposedly the offspring of another white guy who visited the planet before.  I note that every female on the planet is a white chick, so I'm not sure if they're all related.  But that's the deal with that.

Yeah, a guy in his tighties with a knife is a pretty terrifying figure.  I'll give him that.

But note that all of those titles still place him subservient to the Queen.  She'll be keeping his nards in the Royal Nard Safe of Diamonds henceforth.

Man... it gives me lots to work with, so I'm obliged to love it.  But ugh, this is terrible.

I did a quick check, and while there have been other characters by that name, I believe this is the one and only appearance of this particular "Queen of Diamonds."  Oh,  The Rocket... you never found your shirt.

See you tomorrow!