We're With You to A Man, Red Rocket!

So, I was looking at the fifth issue of what I think is the second volume of Phantom Lady  and....

I'm sorry, I just couldn't get past this car:

This makes the Arrowcar look like a Bentley.

Egad, can we put vehicles into the Costume Hall of Shame (tm!)?  I'm thinking we can.

I'm not sure what was up with the wings.  Could this thing fly?  Well, we'll never know:

Those women drivers!

I keed!  I keed!

But that was a pretty short lifespan for an automobile.  The Spider-Mobile lasted longer than that thing!

But what really gave me the hoots was a backup feature called "The Red Rocket," not to be confused with the guy who ended up going by "Sir Rocket" that we've seen hanging out with the Queen of Diamonds in Pep Comics.  Here's the title character:

Well, judging by that outfit, I can only imagine what brought our hero to Mexico!  Egad!

And it's not like I'm looking for this sort of thing, but the man even gives pelvic thrusts when he's horseback riding:

Oh, Red Rocket... I wish I could quit you.

But that costume reminds me of something.

If I could just place it....

oh, wait.

Here we go:

See you tomorrow!

ICE DEFIES IDENTIFICATION

 Continuing my looksee through Pep Comics #9, I came upon this little bit of truth:

Well, they've got me there.

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

Boy, we've all been there, haven't we?

No?

Oh... never mind.

Look over here!  It's a CMNS MOMENT OF COMIC BOOK GREATNESS! (tm!):

Lesson over.

This has been a CMNS MOMENT OF COMIC BOOK GREATNESS! (tm!)

And just when I think I've found the greatest one ever, I find yet another perfectly amazing bit of Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

Wow... Just, wow.

See you tomorrow!

Guest-Starring BATMAN! Note That There Are No Refunds!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a "Man of the People."  I respect anyone who is working any job, because every job is important in making the world go around.  So, I am often the last person to complain or criticize someone when they're struggling with getting their job done if  they're giving it their all.

That being said, the Queen of Diamonds needs to raise her standards:

How many times is The Rocket... excuse me, SIR Rocket, going to have to duke it out with these guys?  I appreciate their enthusiasm and their desire to protect the Queen, but their cognitive reasoning skills leave a lot to be desired.  Frankly, I'm surprised the Queen has lasted this long.

Hey!  It's a guest appearance by Batman!

Well.... okay, but he's the KING OF THE BAT-MEN.  That should count for something.

Okay, that was a bit of a disappointment.  The only thing that would make me feel better is a shot of a dead dragon's head being crammed into the mouth of gigantic blue turtle.  And... AND... the turtle should have striped legs.

Say what you will about Pep Comics, it has its moments of greatness.

The problem I have with that statement is that there are going to be kids who are as dumb as I was and think that it's possible to go kayaking and travel the speed of light.  And I would insist that it was possible because I "had read it somewhere."

So how do we end such a fanciful epic?

Yeah, just have him repair the ship off-panel and launch 'em.  Of course, he arguably could have done that at the beginning  of the story, but I don't read these things for their gritty realism.

See you tomorrow!

Red Rocket Underwear is MY Million-Dollar Idea! I Call It!

Holy jumpin' heck, we had over 350 visitors on Wednesday!  Where the heck are you people coming from?    Eh, it doesn't matter... there's room for you all, if some of you will scootch over a bit.

I'm not a big fan of sci-fi.  It's easy for non-nerdlingers to assume that a fan of one will be a fan of the other, but my appreciation for sci-fi is very limited.  So this may be the greatest comic ever for all I know.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Inter-galactic fight protocol dictates that you pilot your ship shirtless.

Yeah, you can't be giving the aliens on another planet your real name.  They might ... well... come to think of it, who cares if aliens have your real name?  What are they going to do, open up a debit card on Galycon-6?

And "The Rocket" is a very awkward name to choose for yourself.  I'm just saying.

That, my friends, is a man who is desperate for a date.  

I'm starting to see why he had to go to another solar system to get a woman.  Our boy has no game.

Annnnnnddd... he's just established a precedent that will never be broken.  Welcome to Whippedville, The Rocket.  Population: You.

I can't take this.  We need some more Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

Make it a double:

Okay... let's try reading the story again...

GAH!  This is awful.

I forgot to mention this, but the Queen of Diamonds is supposedly the offspring of another white guy who visited the planet before.  I note that every female on the planet is a white chick, so I'm not sure if they're all related.  But that's the deal with that.

Yeah, a guy in his tighties with a knife is a pretty terrifying figure.  I'll give him that.

But note that all of those titles still place him subservient to the Queen.  She'll be keeping his nards in the Royal Nard Safe of Diamonds henceforth.

Man... it gives me lots to work with, so I'm obliged to love it.  But ugh, this is terrible.

I did a quick check, and while there have been other characters by that name, I believe this is the one and only appearance of this particular "Queen of Diamonds."  Oh,  The Rocket... you never found your shirt.

See you tomorrow!