Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Best Heroes Limit Their Good Deeds to Those of a Specific Occupation

Can you believe all the stuff you got for your dime in Pep Comics #1?  Quantity is always better than quality!  Today we take a look at "The Press Guardian."  Origin paragraph time!:

Hmmm... it sounds like the series should have been called "The Press Guardian otherwise Known as the Falcon" if that was the case, but it was decades before The Artist Formerly Known as Prince made long names a thing.

Also, no one in the story has actually met the Falcon yet, so I think it's premature to say that he "aids the Daily Express."  I think it's more along the lines of "he's gonna aid the Daily Express."

And why is the Daily Express fighting crime?  That's a pretty weak law enforcement presence you must have there.

And, of course, all comic book nerdlingers have noticed that the name "the Falcon" would be revived by Marvel Comics and the name "Central City" would be "acquired" as the home town of the Silver Age Flash.  And note that the reporter's name is "Flash Calvert."  Neat, huh?  

Anyway... apparently the police force is pretty lame indeed, because they let reporters go into crime scenes:

I don't know about you, but I'm hearing the voice of Chief Wiggum in my head for every cop there.

Why shouldn't you let reporters into crime scenes?  Thusly:

Well, it was evidence before you destroyed the chain of custody and got your DNA and fingerprints all over it.  Quit helping.

Anyway, Flash Calvert is apparently like Lois Lane because he goes snooping around and is captured by mobsters.  Apparently, the police need reporters to do criminal investigative work and reporters need costumed heroes to actually enforce the laws.  I guess the police just run the jails or something.  It sounds like a pretty self-contained economy, if you think about it. 

Let's see, he beats the bad guy "unmercifully" until...

he is forced and intimidated into writing a confession.

Oh yeah.  That'll hold up in court.

I don't know why he picked the name "Falcon."  He doesn't really have anything "Falcony" going on.  I don't think you should be allowed to choose your nickname.  And do I really need the caption box telling me the Falcon refused to reveal his identity?  I mean, I can read the dialogue and figure that out quickly enough.

You can tell an evening of drinking a bottle of hard liquor in an empty apartment is in both of their futures, can't you?

Any last words for our readers, Falcon?

Point taken, my friend.  Point taken.

See you tomorrow!


MarvelX42 said...

Out of curiosity, I began looking up pictures of falcons to see if the color scheme for this character was anywhere near accurate. It aint far off. There are some fairly colorful falcons.

Jeff said...

That manly phrase revealed the identity of the Falcon as sure as my mom is a... erm, my mom : the Falcon is non other than Mister Chuck Norris himself, the man who does not take orders, but gives them.
Him, or Alain Delon (these hilarious jokes were translated with Alain Delon in here)...

SallyP said...

You know, that's not a particularly falcon-like suit, now is it?