Thursday, August 21, 2014

Here She Is... Miss America!

Before we start, let's get in the mood:

We've had Miss America make an appearance in our comic book funhouse before, but the one we're more familiar with actually isn't the original.  The first Miss America appeared for 7 issues of Military Comics and promptly disappeared for decades.  Let's check out her cringeworthy origin:

It Was Only a Dream... Or WAS It? (tm!)

If you managed to make it that far, you'd find that she is basically omnipotent:

Miss America!  That's what I'll call myself!  The fact that it's readily-associated with a beauty queen has nothing to do with it at all!  Don't challenge me or I'll turn you into a bird.

But I found some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!), so there's always that:


She was so insignificant at the time that Timely Comics (which would later become Marvel Comics) went ahead a year or later and created their own Miss America, whose exploits we've seen right here on the blog.

Anyway, she was revived in the 1980's when Roy Thomas's All-Star Squadron brought a bunch of Golden Age forgotten heroes back from publishing oblivion (much to my delight).  Here's a look at her origin from issue #26 of Secret Origins:

That guy with the Ricky Ricardo getup is Ramon, her arch enemy.  I wish I were kidding, but I'm not.

"All out of juice?"  That sure never happened in the original run, where her only limitations were her natural sense of self-restraint.

And... that sure never happened, either.  Miss America couldn't do anything unless it she could resolve it with her powers, like that creepy kid who everyone was terrified of in The Twilight Zone because he was also all-powerful but had the temperament of a spoiled child.

Enough of this.  Babalu!

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Superman / Van Halen Crossover... and I Apologize for It.

Okay, I'm not terribly proud of this, but I have to follow the set-ups I'm given:

Moon Flower, the teacher in the "classroom" that Superman finds attractive.

All I can do is apologize.  But I'm violating the rules of the Internet if I don't follow through:

Again.... so sorry.  Action Comics #401 was really to blame for that one.

Looking at Action #409, here's an interesting bit of trivia:

So, Superman doesn't actually need to sleep in the physical sense, but he has to dream.  It's interesting as a footnote, but I'm not aware of this particular "weakness" ever surfacing again in any stories.  So, it's just one of those "how about that?" things that really doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot.  But just in case you didn't know, Superman does have to sleep.

Action quit running new Legion of Super-Heroes stories fairly quickly, which was disappointing.  But here's a great moment from the Teen Titans reprint: 

That.  Is.  AWESOME.

My favorite part is where Davey's dad identifies himself and describes what he's doing in such a clunky fashion.  I picture it at the breakfast table:  "Davey!  This is your Dad, pouring syrup on your waffles!"   Davey must be one emotionally fragile kid who probably shouldn't be in competitive sports.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Superman, You Stingy, Self-Seeking, Money-Mad Miser! Part Three!

And then in Action Comics #394, Superman opened his own bank:

All things considered, that makes a certain amount of sense.

And then this happened:

And then Lois got all self-righteous:

Well... Touche! (tm!)

Oh, Lois.  It's not like Supes hasn't done this not once, but twice already.

Moving on to the next ish, we see the untold story of Superman's unrequited love:

So, what was it that won the heart of Krypton's Most Eligible Bachelor?


Any woman who can crank out a graven image of Superman truly "gets" him, you know what I'm saying?  Superman is all about long walks on the beach, curling up in front of a roaring fire with a good book and sculptures of himself wherever he turns.  You'd think that after the billionth time he'd seen himself in sculpture form that it would lose some of its luster... but apparently not when you're Superman.  

See you tomorrow!

Monday, August 18, 2014

Now I am Indeed... The BUTTERFLY!

If there's a better way to start the week than by checking out this villain from Captain America Comics #3, I don't know what it is:

You shouldn't say that sort of thing out loud.  You're only tempting fate.  Well, fate and...

... guys dressed like giant butterflies!

I'm not a certified entomologist, but I've never known a butterfly to sting like that.

Anyway, since it's Captain America's book and all, he encounters Cap...  

And yeah, that was pretty much it.

This probably wasn't the best-laid plan.  I mean, a butterfly generally doesn't live that long under the best of circumstances, and there are no species of butterflies I can think of that I'd want to emulate in a combat situation.  Heck, the Bullfrog had more survival potential in hand-to-hand battles than this guy did.

Yeah, yeah.  Moving on.  This little dandy of Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) came from Smurfswacker, courtesy of the second volume of the Treasure Chest of Fun and Fact found on :

Heh.  I'm not going to comment on what organization put out Treasure Chest of Fun and Fact.  I'm just going to leave that one alone.  Just passing through, folks.  Nothing to see here.

See you tomorrow!

Friday, August 15, 2014

A Surprise Saga of the Super-Sons!

Shades of Bob Haney!  We're ending a week with an unexpected story about the Super-Sons!

Wow, that's harsh.  And, I might add, terrible parenting.  You don't effectively cripple the kid just because he's a screw-up.  But Superman isn't really doing this for the greater good.  Nope.  This is what it's really all about:

Yup.  It's all about whose kid is the best.

Yeah, berate the kid.  That'll inspire him to greatness.

My dad used to harp on things ad nauseum like that.  He could chew you out for literally two hours without taking a break for hydration.  When it came to verbal abuse, the man was a marathoner.

Of, for the love of... Could Superman please put a super sock in it?

Normally, I'd get on Bats for being obnoxious, but Superham is being such a colossal ass towards his kid that I'd have a hard time not taking some digs at him as well.  Of course I wouldn't, knowing that it would have just been adding fuel to the fire and giving Supes more cause to rag on his kid, but it would be tempting.

Moving on, it's the first appearance of that costume of Saturn Girl's: 

It was drawn a bit more racy as time wore on, of course.  Interesting thing is that I tried to find out what happened to the designer of the outfit, and I hit a brick wall.   I was hoping I'd be able to ask him what his thoughts were, having come up with such a famous / infamous design.  Maybe someday.

But I'll tell you one thing: It looks terrible on a dude:

There, ladies.  Do you see why you don't see men in the same revealing fashions as women?  Because you end up with that.

Oh, K.Haven Metzger.... wherefore art thou?

See you Monday!

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Superman's Rogues Gallery: A Pictorial History of Why His Stories are So Boring

Let's take a quick gander at Action Comics #389-90!

And if you thought that sounded suggestive... well, you're certainly at the right site.

Superman stories have probably improved over the years, but this was the state of things around the time I was first exposed to the character:

See?  That's the same villain in four different skins.  Granted, Mr. Mxyzptlk is more fun, what the magic element and all, but the idea was pretty much the same: Superman either fought evil geniuses or people who were trying to raise obnoxiousness to new heights.  

And the Puzzler is a total Riddler rip-off.  If you need further evidence, check out how they shoehorned a version of the Puzzler as a Riddler substitute in the Batman 1966 tv series:

Frank Gorshin was the Riddler.  No one else has even come close.

Check it out:

You know, I think "the Sign of the Dark Circle" should probably be a bit more ornate if it's being used as a passcode.  I mean, it's a circle.  I'm no Riddler, or Puzzler even, but I think I could crack that code.  Not that other organizations have always done better.

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Old and Useless, Comic Book Style!

It's a grab bag of midweek silliness!  Here's a new CMNS meme I like to call ... So to speak. (tm!)

It works like this, courtesy of the cover of Action Comics #386:

... So to speak. (tm!)

Remember yesterday's post that had everyone trying to quit the Legion?  Check out what happens when you have outlived your usefulness and they give you the boot:

Nope.  We're not even going to call you by your Legion name.

We want everything that may remind us that you ever existed gone from our clubhouse.  You are dead to us.

Way harsh.

I've given up on Hydroman.  The stories are bad, but not in a funny way.  Although it did have a moment or two:

Harry's definition of "snappy outfit" and mine vary considerably.

Why the outfit turned to water when Bob did was never explained.

Nor did it explain why he was also able to turn his pistol (which was a regular gun given to him by someone) to water.  I can't work with this.  No more Hydroman.

See you tomorrow!