Slup! Slup! Slup! Giff Me MORE!

From Pep Comics #4....

They may be courageous, but the Tong hasn't figured out the "work smarter, not harder" approach.  If you can't fight back against the brass warriors, why not just shoot their flesh-and-bone commander?  She threatens your life... you shoot her!

Maybe it's a cultural thing.

And if you weren't inclined to shoot her before, I give you:

In other words, Fu Chang (... International Detective) can do all the heavy lifting while Princess just sits there and looks pretty.  What a deal!

Are you ready for another team-up?  Because the Midshipman meets the Wizard!  Or The Midshipman meets The Wizard!  Either way, buckle your seatbelts! 

I'm starting to see why most characters from the Silver Age forward duke it out when they first meet one another, because that was pretty lame.  And my expectations for a team-up between the Wizard and the Midshipman were pretty dang low to begin with.

The only thing that can salvage this for me is a shot of a Nazi Officer getting a tub of Saurbraten on his head.

Oh, comics.... you always come through for me just when I need you the most.

You Shouldn't Tell Me to Do What I Want if You're Planning on Punishing Me if I Do What I Want. That's Entrapment.

No posting on Monday, my lovelies... it being a holiday and all.

But that's okay, because it's time for The Midshipman story from Pep Comics #2!

Now you may recall that Lee Samson (who, with a name like that, had to either be a military man or a carny) had the dubious honor of winning the conditional affections of .... eh, I don't remember her name and I don't care enough to scroll down to find it.  And apparently her affections are as fleeting as ever:

It was explained earlier in the story about how if Lee ran his part of the race one way, his team would win, but I don't think it was a relay race so I'm not really sure how that would have worked.  Anyway, Lee should have stuck with the "good riddance" sentiment, but you know he'll be apologizing to Princess as soon as the race is over.

Again, I'm not sure where that's coming from.  He's saying he wants to beat someone individually, even if that means his team loses.  That may be disloyal, or not a team player, but I don't think he's a quitter.  No wonder Lee looks confused there.

I have a really hard time following these stories.

Anyway, he ends up running the race, which is as exciting as reading about a race in a comic book is, which is to say not at all. Here he's running chest-deep through a river or something:

Okay, even if we have no clue it's going to rain (because we all know the military doesn't have all kinds of meteorological tech stuff for predicting the weather), don't you think they would have marked off an alternate route before the race began?  I mean, the military trains pretty hard to be able to adapt to situations.  The fact that they weren't able to come up with a way to detour a race in the amount of time it took for a chest-deep river to form isn't one of our proudest moments.

That's right, Daniels.  You race Lee Samson and you're going down.  One way or another.

I have no proof Lee was responsible, but you just know he was.

Oh, man... we learned a lesson.  I hate learning lessons.

See?  What did I say.  Whipped.

See you Tuesday!

Because You Should Choose Your Partner Based Solely on the Outcome of an Intramural Competition...

Running late again because work is bananas.  In fact, next week may not have daily posts.  Sorry about that in advance.

But let us live in the here and the now, with The Midshipman...

This is a really awkward read.  First, we get big expository paragraphs like so:

And it really isn't necessary because... y'know... comics are a visual art form and whatnot.  You could always just show it in a picture.

Like so:

And that's just the first example.  The whole thing is text, followed by a picture that made all that text unnecessary.  It's like it was written by someone who had no faith in the artist's ability to show what was going on.

But I got some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!), so it was totally worth it:

HA HA HA HA  HAAAAAAAA!

Anyway... Lee rescues the pilot and of course it's a girl:

Oh.  I just spoiled the pic for you didn't I?  Now they've got me doing it.  Anyway, it's not just any girl... then again, in comics it rarely is :

A reward?  I think we've read enough of the stories in Pep Comics #1 here to know where this is going:

Eeeesh.  Again? 

Oh.  Well that settles that.

Some consideration?  For saving your life?  Someone has issues with appreciation.

Well... that's arbitrary.  Nothing makes a fella feel more special than knowing his date is with him because he won a contest.  At that point, Adam would be out. Princess there is a bit high maintenance for me.

Anyway, there's a canoe race.  Yes, it's as exciting in comic form as it sounds.  And Don doesn't take his loss well, so Lee does some Jiu Jitsu, presumably having learned it at Scotland Yard.

I realize I just may not be a romantic, but by the time I was finished fishing her out of the crashed airplane, won a canoe race, and tossed Don Lewis over my shoulder, I'd be thinking the "reward of the smiles of Miss Dennis" weren't worth it at all.  It's not like it's going to end there.  Miss Dennis will have you rowing many a figurative canoe in a never-ending quest to make her happy, and life is too short for jerks like that.

Ah, well.  See you Monday!

The Degraded Hands of the Illustrious and Superlative Fu Chang... International Detective's Enemies!

Sorry for the late post, my lovelies!  But it'll be worth it because today we take a look at...

And since this is Pep Comics, you know we're going to get a paragraph's worth of origin:

Did you get all that?  If so, can you explain it to me?

It seems like they probably could have milked a whole story out of that paragraph, but Pep Comics apparently doesn't believe in origin issues.

Apparently, there were two kinds of Asians back in the Golden Age:

Near-Caucasian, and Neon Yellow.  I guess that's how you could tell a good Asian from an evil Asian, because it seems that they were color-coded, at least in the world of Fu Chang... International Detective.

It kind of surprised me that they got away with this story.  Apparently, tapping in to the magic of the chess pieces involved idol-worship:

My parents would have blown a gasket.  And just to make sure we're clear, let's call the idol a graven image:

Yeah, there you go.  Wow.  Try getting away with that these days.  There would be some Fundamentalist watchdog group all over that.  I'm probably inviting a boycott just re-presenting it.

Anyway, the first case of Fu Chang... International Detective was pretty standard stuff other than the ability to bring chess pieces to life and have them run around and do little errands for him.  And, of course, we have to end with the hero being completely subservient to the damsel in distress:

I don't know if anything became of the Illustrious and Superlative Fu Chang... International Detective and Tay Ming, but Jay Garrick never licked Joan's boots like that back in the 40's and they're still married to this day.  Watch and learn, my friends.

See you tomorrow!

Red Rocket Underwear is MY Million-Dollar Idea! I Call It!

Holy jumpin' heck, we had over 350 visitors on Wednesday!  Where the heck are you people coming from?    Eh, it doesn't matter... there's room for you all, if some of you will scootch over a bit.

I'm not a big fan of sci-fi.  It's easy for non-nerdlingers to assume that a fan of one will be a fan of the other, but my appreciation for sci-fi is very limited.  So this may be the greatest comic ever for all I know.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Inter-galactic fight protocol dictates that you pilot your ship shirtless.

Yeah, you can't be giving the aliens on another planet your real name.  They might ... well... come to think of it, who cares if aliens have your real name?  What are they going to do, open up a debit card on Galycon-6?

And "The Rocket" is a very awkward name to choose for yourself.  I'm just saying.

That, my friends, is a man who is desperate for a date.  

I'm starting to see why he had to go to another solar system to get a woman.  Our boy has no game.

Annnnnnddd... he's just established a precedent that will never be broken.  Welcome to Whippedville, The Rocket.  Population: You.

I can't take this.  We need some more Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

Make it a double:

Okay... let's try reading the story again...

GAH!  This is awful.

I forgot to mention this, but the Queen of Diamonds is supposedly the offspring of another white guy who visited the planet before.  I note that every female on the planet is a white chick, so I'm not sure if they're all related.  But that's the deal with that.

Yeah, a guy in his tighties with a knife is a pretty terrifying figure.  I'll give him that.

But note that all of those titles still place him subservient to the Queen.  She'll be keeping his nards in the Royal Nard Safe of Diamonds henceforth.

Man... it gives me lots to work with, so I'm obliged to love it.  But ugh, this is terrible.

I did a quick check, and while there have been other characters by that name, I believe this is the one and only appearance of this particular "Queen of Diamonds."  Oh,  The Rocket... you never found your shirt.

See you tomorrow!