Wednesday, October 8, 2008

All My Avengers Wednesday!

I had never considered running for any type of political office until this morning.

Beloved and I saw an ad for some guy touting his credentials and his bravery in standing up for the People of the Great State of Oklahoma. One of his acts of heroism? Legislation that provided tougher law enforcement measures regarding meth labs.

Don't take this the wrong way, but did he really have to fight anyone to get that passed? How ballsy is that, really? Was there some meth lab lobby putting the screws to him that I don't know about?

I'd like to be elected just to make these people earn it. You want Medals of Honor for passing measures that will fight illiteracy, prevent child abuse, and improve the quality of the educational system? You'd have to get past me. Not because I disagree with you, but because I think it'll mean a lot more if you have a nemesis. Then you could have ads that say, "I took on Adam Barnett to pass the Anti-Public Defecation Initiative. If Barnett had stopped me, people would be dropping a deuce right in front of your children! But I fought! For you!"

It would be a service to everyone, really.
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From Avengers v1 #13:


Beware! They have the greatest powers known to man! Except the Wasp. She'll just kinda buzz around in your face and piss you off! But she hangs around some very tough people, so you can't swat at her or anything! You just have to sit there like a douche while this inch-tall winged lady buzzes around you! It's very, very annoying! Beware!
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Stan Lee shows you can take the writer out of the romance comics....

From Avengers v1 #14:


She's having problems breathing! She may be having lung problems!

Why, yes! That's amazing! Are you a doctor, too?

Um... no, but I'm not a total moron, either.

Oh.... since you weren't a total moron, I naturally assumed you had to be a doctor. We doctors think people only fall into one of the two categories...


I keed! I keed! I tease because I love, Greg!
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Having been fooled by the sweet-taste and Kool-Aid appearance of Tony Stark's untested anti-freeze pills, all the Avengers died and the series ended unexpectedly.

Tony Stark's other invention, the Stick-Your-Fingers-in-This Electrical Outlet, was also commercially unsuccessful.

(As a public service note: Dogs will drink anti-freeze if it's on your garage floor because it tastes sweet. This will fatally poison your dog, so never let them roam around in your garage. Don't stick your fingers in electrical outlets, either.)
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Strong men should not be seen with tears in their eyes.... nor should they be letting a little woman whose main power is the ability to be killed with a rolled-up newspaper hang out with them.

Seriously, guys.... put on a dress!

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A little bonus from Thunderbolts #54:


And I hope that you find your ability to hope. And I don't mean to rub it in that I have hope, which you do not, but I have hope that someday you will find it in you to hope again. Because life without hope must truly suck for you, but that's not something I would know, because I have hope. That one day you'll hope. I hope.

See you tomorrow!

7 comments:

Johnny said...

-ONLY ONE THING CAN SAVE THIS GIRL NOW!
YOU SIR, DO *YOU* HAVE ANY MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE THAT COULD SAVE HER??!!

-Ummmmm....no! (phew!, didn't want to give away my secret identity just to let her live, that would be insane!)

Allergy said...

I would totally vote for you, Adam, if I lived any where near you and could legally do so. Would you be running with the Super Villain party then?

Does anyone else think that doctor was being a dick by keeping the results to himself until the last minute?
"We... HAVE to know!"
"Well, here's a hint... it had the same outcome as the passage of the Missouri Compromise. Anyone?"

Adam Barnett said...

Allergy, you gave me quite the laugh! Thank you!

D.B. Echo said...

Doctor Dickweed: The operation is...over!

(pause)

Thor: Well?

Dr. D: Well what?

Cap: Will she live?

Dr. D: Will who live?

Tony: The Wasp, dammit!

Dr. D: Hey, hey, no need to be rude!

Tomfoolery said...

I think the wanted poster is ridiculously optimistic.

It asks you to try and apprehend the avengers, whilst also warning you that THEY ARE THE MOST POWERFUL BEINGS ON EARTH AND COULD PROBABLY BLOW YOU UP OR DISINTEGRATE YOU IN A MATTER OF SECONDS.

but hey, what the hell.
ask them to stop nicely.

De said...

Did the doctor put the Wasp's costume back on after he examined her or is he just guessing at the whole lung thing?

When I went to my regular doctor about some chest pain, I practically had to strip naked. Or maybe my doctor is weird like that.

SallyP said...

I think you have the right idea about running for office, Adam. I personally think that cage matches in Congress would add so much more ZIP to public office.

And the Anti-freeze pills just made me laugh out loud, to the consternation of my Shi Tzu.