I'm a Cat Man! Rowwwwr......

So I was finishing my look at Crash Comics #4, and came upon the origin of the Cat Man!  No, not the one who gave Batman trouble for about five minutes and was later rebooted into awesomeness in the late great Secret Six title.  This guy:

Mom's choice of clothing seems a little masculine to me.  Then again, she's married to a guy who goes on safari to collect butterflies.  And why is the whole family wearing white?  I'm thinking there's a lot of potential storytelling here.

That is, if it hadn't been for...

In Dad's defense, I doubt he'd had a lot of practice with that shootin' iron, considering he was the type of guy who went on safari to collect butterflies.   

Anyway, with a name like "Cat Man," you can guess what happened next:

And then we had a wall of text that I don't have the patience to read but I presume ends up with the tiger taking the baby to live among the tigers to get the powers of tigers.  Read it and tell me if I'm wrong:

He totally got his powers just by being raised by tigers, didn't he?  I knew it.  Then again, it worked for the Black Condor and the Kangaroo.

Well, that's not as graceful as a cat would do it, but I'm grooving on those furry gloves.  

Okay, that I'll buy, because cats are all about the jumping, and this is arguably a plausible height for a human being to jump.

But then we have this:

Cat's eyes do not glow in the dark.  Even someone who had every ability a cat had would not have this power.  That is a myth.  They reflect external light.  So, if the light in the room had been smashed, then Cat Man is flat out of luck unless he is shining a flashlight into his own eyes, which could produce the desired effect but would also result in him frying his own retinas.  This is just a bad idea across the board.

But not as bad as this!:

One average mobster.  By himself.  Annnnnd:

Yup.  Our hero was taken out by a mobster who didn't even have a firearm despite the fact that Cat Man had the element of surprise.

But don't worry... because this comic is ridiculous, so naturally:

Yup... wait for it:

Because cats have nine lives.  You knew that, didn't you?

Yes, just let it end!  In the name of all that's good and pure in the world, just let it end!

Does that mean he's playing some form of solitaire?  Which kind?  Agnes?  East Haven?  Thumb and Pouch?  Normally, I'd think this was just a figure of speech, but since everything about the cats turned out be so literal... well, my head hurts.  Moving on:

The Dionne Quintuplets!  Wow, do they look miserable.  According to their Wikepedia entry, they were every bit as thrilled to be in this advertisement as they appeared.  Good thing we don't exploit multiple births for our entertainment these days.  Yes, civilization has certainly come a long way.

Well, we can be forgiven the isolated look into...

... okay maybe a couple of occasional glances at multiple...

I think I'm just going to go live in a lighthouse somewhere.

See you tomorrow!