Monday, March 22, 2010

Disclaimer-Laden Butt-Kicking Monday!

Hey, kids! Let's pretend you're going to put the comic books down some day (in this case, Judomaster #89) and actually venture into the outdoors where you may encounter another human being!

There's kind of a mixed message here, Judomaster. You're telling me how to kick ass, so aren't you doing the supervising? Full speed ahead!

Hmmmmm.... so, you're telling me that none of this will work without years of someone teaching me how to do it right? I'm getting the impression we might just be filling in pages here.

So, if you're attacked, make sure your attacker assumes the proper stance, or this may not work. At all. Not even a little bit. But walk down the street with confidence, knowing that if you are attacked by someone who doesn't mind moving his feet to the proper position, you may be able to get him an inch or two off the ground before you are pistol-whipped to the point where your dental records may be necessary for identification of your corpse.

Anyway, when practicing this with your partner (who we all know is your unsuspecting little brother), make sure you don't throw him too hard. You know, hard enough to make him cry is okay, as long as it isn't so hard he narcs to your parents, or actually breaks the coffee table you accidentally heave him into. Remember: Bouncy, not breaky.

And, if you happen to knock out any permanent teeth whilst you practice these moves without supervision or any other regards to your own safety or that of others, you can always use Liquid Paper WYTEN to cover up the extensive dental work:

I seriously want to see photographic evidence of any child successfully using this product to hide braces.

See you Monday!

1 comment:

Allergy said...

Never "unload" your man! Hahahahahaha.