Corporal-Punishin', Primate-Smackin', Ninja-Trainin', and Big-Pimpin Friday!

Sounds good to me, Daredevil! We're on the cusp of the Labor Day weekend, so no more posts until Tuesday. If it's any comfort, I'll actually be busier than I want to be. Then again, having to get out of my chair at all is generally busier than I want to be.

One of my favorite panels from a reprint found in the 100-page Superboy & LSH v1, #208:


I had no idea you could beat your child with a hairbrush just for being stupid. That's awesome!

The capitol of Kansas is Kansas City, Daddy!

Whappitywhappitywhappitywhappity.....
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Also from Superboy & LSH v1, #208:


I kid you not - I had no sooner scanned this ad for the series that (to my knowledge) didn't see the light of day when I saw in a recent comic that it's going to be released as a hardback. For, some reason, this makes it less cool.

Although fighting with primates of any kind is always somewhat cool. Nothing spruces up a dull story like fighting monkeys....

unless you're fighting monkeys who are wearing loincloths. Then you're just blowin' our minds, man!
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From Superboy & LSH v.1 #210:


Sure, they can teach me how to disarm five heavily-armed assassins at once with my bare hands, or teach me to disappear into thin air right before the eyes of my befuddled adversaries.....


...... but will they teach me where I can get Karate Kid's badass hat?

Stay safe and I'll see you Tuesday!

Green Vomitin', Jean Grey-Protecting, Globule-Flingin', Spirographin', Evel-Kenievelin' Thursday!

Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it also means someone stole your idea. Here, we see Poison Ivy blatantly ripping off Infectious Lass in the quite-recent Justice League of America #13:


This really hurts because not only is Infectious Lass having her shtick swiped, but it also shows just how devastating she could be in combat. Instead, she was consigned a fate of scorn in the DC Universe. It ain't right!
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But you know what is right? Chivalry. Like in X-Men v1, #46:


You ever fall in love with someone who is embarrassing to be around in public? Then you know what poor Cyclops was feeling right about then.

Even more troubling:


Okay, this is a power the Juggernaut hasn't had before or (to my knowledge) since. All I know is, when "globules" of any sort are flinging off a dude, I will step on your throat to keep them from getting on me.
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Woo hoo! Spirograph!


Loved me some Spirograph.

Know what else I loved?

This right here:


I had the Canyon Sky Cycle. Because I was so cool.

See you tomorrow!

Batman Break Wednesday!

We haven't talked Batman in a while, so let's do!



Sure, the Joker's scary as heck, but he's got nothing on Bats. From Batman #2:


That's right, pally! You aren't even safe from me in jail. I'm gonna break into jail, snatch you from your cot, take you where they'll never find you, and give you a &*$#(*@! lobotomy! You'd better hope they put you in maximum secure, because that's the only chance you have to be safe from me!

Then, of course, I hope you'll become a valuable member of society... Yeah, rehab is my ultimate goal here. I'll rehab your chalk white ass back to the Stone Age!
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You know, I have a thick head of hair, and I've never heard anyone say I didn't need to wear a motorcycle helmet. That's the kind of lie your father tells you to get you to keep digging the French drain after you've accidentally lopped off a toe. It'll grow back! Keep digging! We're losing daylight! A person doesn't need all ten toes!
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That is the oddest threat I've ever heard. I'm surprised the thug got it so quickly. I'd need an illustration to explain exactly what Bats is proposing and why it's so scary....
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That's the best dialogue Bats has ever said. Yeah, watch your back, African pygmies!

Redneck Weddin', Disease-Transmittin', Respect to the Dead Payin', Friction-Lovin' Tuesday!

This was the huge event from Superboy & LSH v. 1 #200:


It wasn't so much that two Legionnaires were getting married for the first time. People just had to see a hottie marrying a non-wealthy fat guy to believe it. I recognize it because "hottie marrying a non-wealthy fat guy" was the theme of my own wedding.
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Although it wasn't his first appearance, Wildfire joined in Superboy & LSH v.1 #201:


Which is cool because Wildfire was cool for a long time.

But the real reason that issue was worth two thin dimes was that it contained the very first appearance of Infectious Lass:


No one can deny that this is the greatest character of all time. How can she not have her own title and a major motion picture in the works?
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Superboy & LSH was also quite the trailblazer back in the day. In v.1 #203, longtime member Invisible Kid was killed off:


These days, that sort of thing wouldn't happen without a major summer crossover event after 52 weeks of build-up. Invisible Kid wasn't a particularly powerful or important cast member, but he was given an amazing send-off.

And he remained dead until the reboot decades later, which is as it should be. I loved Ted Kord and Ronnie Raymond, but dead should mean "gone forever," even in comics.
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But we can't leave on a sad note, can we? Of course we can't! Let's have more fun with out-of-context dialogue. From X-Men v.1 #39:


Yeah, friction is awesome. Let's hear it for friction!

See you tomorrow!

What Did You Do in the War? Monday!

The Iron Man movie? Rocked. But you probably already knew that.

Look out! It's All-Star Comics #12!:


Whoops! Got to watch the bleach when you're washing colors there, Atom. As it is, now you look like you just got back from a KKK meeting.
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Okay, you've got access to a woman who can arm wrestle Superman, and you've got her taking the minutes at meetings? Why not have her do the team's laundry while you're at it? The Atom could certainly use the help.
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That's right.... you just sit there and look wistful while we go fight. And I think the Atom left some laundry for you to do. You don't mind, do ya, Sweetcakes?
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I've been meaning to ask this for some time, but what is with Hawkman's wings? Those look like two giant hairballs on his back. Are those supposed to be feathers? I'm just not seeing it.
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Remember, kids.... mocking people because of their skin color is wrong, unless you are really cheezed off at them. Maybe the Atom did just get back from a KKK meeting.
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You know, if some guy was leaning over me with that look in his eye, I'd be very worried as to what was "the best yet to come."
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See? I'd say start running in the opposite direction, Professor!
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Ugh! Isn't this the 20th Century? Ugh!

Ugh! Yes, it be! Ugh!

Ugh! Why do we still speak this way? Ugh!

Ugh! Could be worse! We could be Japanese! Ugh!
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Oh, man. This is just getting worse. We'll start over tomorrow!

Kings, Queens and Feral Superheroes Friday!

You say your kid has low self esteem? He can't swing a bat or catch a football to save his life? He's not really a leader, has no musical talent, and can barely find his own way home from school?

Take heart, oh parents of loser kids everywhere! There's still one more thing your worthless, talentless child might actually pull off:


Yup. He might become Marble King of the neighborhood! And even if he doesn't get it legit, you can always make that stupid crown out of construction paper and see if he develops track skills running from jealous neighborhood kids a la Forrest Gump.
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What do chicks do when we aren't around? Gloat about evil things they've done to men:


See? I knew it! Adventure Comics #410 wasn't afraid to tell the truth!
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Superboy and the LSH v1 #197 was the beginning of some awesome stories from Bates, Cockrum, Grell and Shooter. I defy you to find any comics from the early 70's that hold up as well as Superboy and the LSH up through around #250. These are stories and art that hold up against anything I've ever seen before or since.

#197 finally gave us a Timber Wolf to be proud of. He dropped the porn star / motorcycle cop moustache and started wearing that "Flock of Seagulls" haircut (years before Flock of Seagulls, might I add) to go with his more bestial nature:




Timber Wolf's haircut, of course, would be ripped off years later by Wolverine, and it was painfully obvious during his brief "Timber Wolf ripoff" look:


It should be noted that, unlike Wolverine, Timber Wolf didn't need any pansy-ass healing factor or metal claws. All Timber Wolf needed was his unlimited supply of Asswhoop.
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Oh, my! Check out Superboy & LSH v1 #199!:


You see it, don't you? It isn't just me, is it?

There's nothing I can take out of context to make that scene more suggestive. I mean, nothing! The dialogue, Superboy's pose, Brainiac 5's pose.... you have to see that!

Come on! The image aside, the story is called "The Gun that Mastered Men!" There's no way this isn't intentional!

You see what I'm getting at, don't you? It can't just be me.

See you Monday!

Pants-Optional, Bird-Calling, Singin'-and-Shootin' Thursday!

From All-Star Comics #10:

The Justice Society goes into the distant future, where one startling fact is uncovered:


Hawkman apparently quits wearing pants.

What is it about future fashions that make us not want to wear pants? Is it really good climate control, or what?

Oh, and see Superman and Batman and Flash and Green Lantern on the cover? Still nowhere inside, but buy it anyway, kids!



As much as I enjoy the Atom, I don't think you could teach him Pig Latin, much less "bird language." For some reason, I readily accepted that Hawkman could talk to birds, even though there was no logical reason for that. But being able to teach the bird language to others? Shenanigans!
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From All-Star #11. The Justice Society, in response to the Pearl Harbor bombing and the United States' subsequent entry into WWII, becomes The Justice Batallion.

Sandman's new costume totally sucked, although his singing voice got better without the gas mask:


However:

That notwithstanding, you still wouldn't cross swords with the Sandman, because he would jack you up:


That's right, I'm wearing a yellow-and-purple outfit. Got a problem with that? Take it up to the Complaint Department, and by Complaint Department, I mean large-caliber gunfire upside yo' head!

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Okay, I don't really understand the meme thing, but here are my favorite blog posts. I couldn't settle on just one:

This one or this one or this one or this one or this one.


Enjoy! See you tomorrow!

Daredevil Made Me Do It Wednesday!

DC is gonna release Millennium as a TPB? Really?

You have to admire the stones behind that. It's in a foot race with War of the Gods as to which is the worst DC crossover ever, and you get a second chance to buy it after it's been fermenting for over a decade. Yikes! You have been warned.

Let's put that behind us and give a little something for the ladies, courtesy of Daredevil v1 #130:


You're welcome, sallyp!

Although I'm not sure why DD felt like he had to shuck down to his tighty-reddies when he could have just put his suit on over the costume like he has a thousand times before and since.
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A mildly historic moment here from Daredevil v1 #131 - the very first appearance of (and murder committed by) Bullseye:


Did anyone besides me notice that he talked an awful lot like a mad scientist in his early appearances? What was up with that?
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From Daredevil v1, #122:


What an original emblem for the "Blackwing" character. What do you suppose they were going for there?

I actually like the little feet. When they re-design Batman's uniform, I want to see little feet on the chest insignia.
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I give the women in comics a lot of guff, but I'll say this:

When Daredevil gets taken out, it looks pretty darn silly:


(From Daredevil v1, #129)

But even though Marvel Girl hits the pavement with clocklike regularity, it looks much more dignified:


(From X-Men v.1 #30)

See? She kinda swoons. Daredevil could never get away with that. Then again, Marvel Girl has a lot more practice in getting mowed down in battle, so she's had a chance to perfect her technique.

See you tomorrow!

Moral Decay Tuesday!

From Adventure Comics #380:


Now this is the kind of bad guy you want to see again. His scheme fails, so he kills his assistant while shooting himself in the face. Let's see Wolverine do that, and I'll quit calling him overrated.
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By Adventure Comics #381, Supergirl started taking the lead role:


Super-intuition? Women's intuition is a myth, a fabrication that women are more emotionally aware of their surroundings than their male counterparts. The fact that this is super-intuition makes this super-stupid.

Now if she has a super-menstrual cycle, I'll accept that.
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Also from Adventure Comics #381. Dude, I don't think you hypnotize people that way. Granted, they'll have a hard time looking away, but it's more because you're wearing a unitard with a bunch of little mirrors stuck on it.
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Just like I showed you last week, comic companies used to apologize for price increases. Not to be left out, here's DC's plea for forgiveness. If you had told me back then that a comic would ever be more than a dollar a pop, I would have smacked you upside your head.

Nowadays, I just cry.

See you tomorrow!

History of the Future Monday!

So, when I'm talking about Legion stories that have been printed in the past, but still take place in the future, do I still speak of them in past tense? That's probably not on your SAT's, but it oughta be.

Hey, here's a rare one from Superboy v1 #195:


Colossal Boy has had more than his share of costumes, that's for sure, but I think this is the only time he appeared in this one. Not his best, but not his worst. Do you think they were trying to rip off Goliath's look in Avengers?
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Another grammar question. If the Terminator kills you, you are terminated, right? If Validus kills you....


.... are you validated?
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From Adventure Comics #380:


Yeah, if you're overweight, all you can hope to be is comic relief. You might as well go with it.


No, hold on. I think her power is useless, unless you want a dame yappin' in each ear at the same time. But hey, it doesn't matter if a girl has no practical value, as long as she's eye candy. Am I right?
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Well, I stand corrected. Apparently, Duo Damsel is good for catchin' and killin' rabbits! That's (a) a very disturbing thought and (b) puts her on the Usefulness Meter right above Elmer Fudd.

Or a dachshund.

I caught a few movies this weekend:

I know, you didn't see Prince Caspian because it was out while Iron Man was in the theaters, but don't let it get away. It's a smart, breathtaking, thought-provoking, exciting, glorious film that manages the impossible by being every bit as good as the first Chronicles of Narnia movie. It's at it's second run, so you can probably catch it at the dollar theater near you, and it's a big-screener if ever there was one.

Also saw Delirious on DVD with Steve Buscemi. This was a good indie flick, although it wasn't "achingly funny" like was promised on the cover. It's an interesting watch. Once. I wouldn't buy it, but rent it when you feel like watching a movie where you have to devote a few brain cells.

And in the opposite corner, Harold & Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay requires no brain cells at all, and unlike Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, that's a bad thing. Where White Castle was a guilty pleasure that might take you back to your wilder college days, Guantanamo Bay will take you back to the seventh grade locker room. 'Nuff said. Shoulda' stopped at the first toke, dudes! Y'all avoid it!

See you tomorrow!