Thursday, July 24, 2014

The Blue Beetle has a New Partner.. YES SIR!

So, I was going to talk about the triumphant third chapter in the Zha-Vam saga in Action Comics, wherein I presumed that Zha-Vam would continue to give Superman the comeuppance I've come to enjoy and... well, I read the last chapter and found that it made me cry real tears did not meet the needs of the blog at this time.  And Superman totally cheated.  That's all I'll say about that.

Let's talk about Sparky:

Is "Sparkington" a name?  People give their kids weird names, to be sure, but that's a new one.  So, I went on the Google and... sure enough, there it was.  Granted, it's usually a surname, but that's fair game.  It makes no sense to wear a mask and go by your real name, but it's not like he's the first sidekick to do it.

I've got to point out, though, that his rope-swinging skills leave something to be desired:

We don't actually see the rope there, but I presume that's what is going on.  Sidekicks often tend to be more trouble than they're worth (being the designated hostage and all), but this kid is physically hindering the Blue Beetle to the point that I wouldn't blame the Beetle if he smacked the kid.

Or maybe Sparky is the Blue Beetle's living cape.  You know, like when sushi is served on the body of a real human being at parties for some reason.

What is it, Sparky?  It better not be long pants!  You know how I feel about you wearing long pants!

Then I saw this.  This is disturbing:

No, it wasn't part of a story.  These people were giving away a puppy.  Was there a puppy shortage back in the day or something?  Because that isn't the case now.  
Seriously, folks, get your animal spayed or neutered.  None of this "just one litter" nonsense.  In the United States, we're still euthanizing 3-4 million animals a year according to the HSUS, so you're an idiot if you breed a dog for profit, the giggles, or "a chance for the kids to experience the miracle of birth."  Go to the shelter and "experience the tragedy of death" a few times, and maybe that'll be a more responsible lesson to teach your offspring.

And while you're at the shelter, adopt a new best pal.

Sparky definitely reads like the poor man's Bucky, who was arguably the poor man's Robin.  But to Sparky's credit, he didn't hesitate to shill for the publisher:

See?  Sparky was willing to resist capture and a charge of obstructing an officer to give a shout-out.  It sounds like Cat-Man Comics were better in Sparky's opinion than his own, but you've got to give the guy respect for his honesty.

See you tomorrow!

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