Wednesday, July 2, 2014

In Which Superman Wears a Single Glove Like Michael Jackson

It's been a while since we checked on Action Comics, so let's take a gander at issue #337, with the most unfortunately-dressed group of criminals since the original Royal Flush Gang:

Hmmmm... I know what tiger stripes look like, and those aren't tiger stripes.  And those masks don't look like tiger heads, either.  I'm thinking those guys sewed the outfits themselves.  I'm not saying I could do anything better, but someone at some point probably should have said, "You know what?  This whole 'trying-to-look-like-actual-tigers thing' really isn't working out.  Why don't we just call ourselves the Tiger Gang and let the tiger be a more symbolic kind of thing?  I mean, it's not like the Detroit Tigers dress up like Tigers before they take the field."

That's what someone should have said.  I'll bet someone was thinking it, but they weren't direct and didn't have confidence in their own ideas.  And as a result, everyone was walking around like they were supposed to be tigers but looked about as much like tigers as Charlie Brown looked like a ghost in It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.  Remember that?

I'm sorry.  Did I get on a tangent?

Well, that was awesome.  If Superman went around in a limo to do things, I'd probably find him a lot more entertaining.  And yes, "Beat it before he creams us" is textbook That's What SHE Said! (tm!)  I'm not proud of it, but as is the policy here at CMNS, we play the hand we're dealt.  And we're all about following the rules here.

Here was a near miss:

If the image just had Superman facing a little more to his left, or holding.... I'm not sure what that is, but we all know what looks like... holding it a little closer to his body, that would have been some awesome Fun with Out of Context Artwork (tm!).  But again... we play the hand we're dealt.

In your pocket, Clark?  Because I'm not convinced you're wearing any clothes at all.  Perhaps "pocket" is a euphemism, like "I smuggled the heroin into the country by swallowing it and now I'm waiting for it to pass through my digestive tract and leave my pocket" kind of pocket.

And yes, this issue had the infamous "golden rain":

Lots of folks have posted that one, but I think there's a pretty good follow-up most people miss:

Yeah, if these people are rubbing sticky "golden rain" on you and making you drink it, I don't think they're your friends.  Or they are your very good friends, depending largely upon what constitutes your idea of a good time.

Most blogs stop at "golden rain," but we go the extra mile here at CMNS!

See you tomorrow!


Tracer Bullet said...

If your "golden rain" is sticky, you probably have a serious medical condition and you should see your doctor ASAP.

Cfl Maior said...

Just my 14¢ (adjusted for the inflation since May, 1966): when speaking of "sticky golden rain", the author was thinking mythologically:
"In Greek mythology, Danaƫ was a daughter of King Acrisius of Argos and his wife Queen Eurydice... Disappointed by his lack of male heirs, Acrisius asked an oracle if this would change. The oracle told him that he would be killed by his daughter's son... so, he shut her up in a bronze tower... But Zeus came to her in the form of golden rain, and impregnated her. Soon after, their child Perseus was born." (Thanks Wikipedia!)

anthrax2525 said...
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