Tuesday, March 29, 2011

You Can't Literally Scare Pounds Off of People and Superman Knows This and He is a Big Tool Tuesday!

So, I was reading Action Comics #105...

I realize this is all in good fun, but doesn't that look just a bit painful for Kris Kringle?  I mean, it's bad enough he can't squeeze down the chimney, but to have Superman grinding his fist into your belly certainly can't be very soothing.

Believe it or don't, this cover actually had something to do with the story inside.  You see, we've got Mr. Rasper, who appears to have issues with holiday-related social norms:

You know, I just can't help but like the guy.  He's such a schmuck that it kind of transcended being a jerk and made it to the other side where he's just so hateful I can't help but find it funny.  Then again, I don't  work for the guy.  But neither does Cartwright.  At least, not after that clear breach of company protocols on festive well-wishery.

Anyway, Rasper is a mean guy who slipped Santa a mickey and now Santa is too fat to go down chimneys.  This led to all kinds of questionable positioning and dialogue.  Which, of course, leads us to Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

I have had this blog for nearly five years now, and I think that's one of the filthiest things we've ever "Fun with Out of Context Dialogued!" (tm!)  So, score!

And here's another! (tm!):

And yes, these panels were right next to each other.  We don't play around fast and loose with the truth here at CMNS.

Meanwhile, Superman is a jerk:

See what I mean?  The man tortures Santa Effin' Claus, for crying out loud.  I really don't understand why this character is so popular.

Uh-oh.  Don't be careless!:

Well, it's hard to argue with that.  Maybe he shouldn't have been so careless.  Let this be a lesson to all of us not to be so careless.

See you tomorrow!


Super-Duper ToyBox said...


Britt Reid said...

"The man tortures Santa Effin' Claus, for crying out loud."

The Fortress of Solitude has no chimney.
Coincidence? I think not!

D.B. Echo said...

You CAN literally scare pounds off people, depending on the contents of their stomach and intestines. Unfortunately, since Santa has obviously not vomited up a few pounds, he'll have to change his pants to get the full benefit of this treatment.