Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Hungry Hungry Wednesday!

Time for a big heapin' helpin' of All-Star Comics #14!:

According to the cover, this issue addresses the issue of WWII hunger victims in Axis-occupied Europe. While our heroes mean well, their aim is apparently a little off and they dump their over sized foodstuffs right into the Atlantic. Oh, well. It's the thought that counts, right?

But if we were dumping all of the relief supplies into the Atlantic, I think I can see at least part of the root of the problem....

These days, of course, Hawkman would just fly over to Germany and make Hitler eat his own spleen, but he wasn't quite the badass back then.

Yes, this is a problem, but it's apparently nothing that can't be solved by whatever Hawkman's about to pull out of his pants. Yes, I'm just as frightened as Johnny Thunder that we're about to see some Hawkman wanger slap onto the meeting table.

Hmmmmmm.... it's not so much that it's a pill that's turning me off, Hawkman, but do you really expect people to ingest anything you just removed from your crotchal region?

And yes, I totally made up the word "crotchal," but you knew what I meant.

Wow, complete with garnish and table centerpiece! Just because we're starving doesn't mean that mealtime has to be a drab affair!

I keep thinking about those nasty whole chickens they sell in cans, and how much more appetizing that is than what Hawkman has in mind.

No, Wonder Woman. You don't have to do anything. Since you can kill anyone in the room this side of the Spectre with your bare hands, you can probably tell Hawkman to sit his ass down and take notes while you do the heavy lifting.

Food.... I've forgotten what it tastes like!

Well, it kinda depends on what the food is. "Food" is a broad term, you see. You weren't exaggerating just to make a point, were you?

Oh, no! More strange things coming from Hawkman's crotch! Hide your women and children!

And this one is dripping, which I find extra suspicious....

By this issue, Dr. Fate seems to have no powers at all. I mean, why bother knocking a guy out when you can just magic yourself invisible, conjure up your own Nazi uniform, etc.?

I'm sure there are Dr. Fate fans who can explain this to me, but I'm not really sure I care enough that you should bother.

Cue Colonel Klink from Hogan's Heroes!:

Those wacky Nazis..... what with their temper tantrums and such.

See you tomorrow!


De said...

When I think turkey dinner, French fries are the furthest thing from a side dish. Maybe that's the way they do it in Hawkman's pants or something.

Sea_of_Green said...

So, upon consuming the turkey dinners, does everyone turn into blueberries when they get to dessert?

Matthew A. said...

I'm going to try to incorporate the phrase "Complete to the last french-fried potato!" into all my daily social interactions.

Johnny said...

What are Wonder Woman and Spectre doing in that first panel?
Some kind of dance?

Aaron Carine said...

Come,Adam,it was hardly oversimplifying to blame occupied Europe's troubles on the Nazis.

I doubt there are any starving women who are that nubile and have such flawless skin,though.

Dave said...

Is anyone else disturbed by Hawkman serving up birds as food? "Wheet! Wheet! Right this way, suckers!"

And are these starving patriots supposed to eat the damn thing, bones and all?

And if Doc Fate can conjure his body to become that distorted, why doesn't he just magic up some food for them furriners?

Lots of holes in this story.

Adam Barnett said...

oh, aaron (and anyone else)

Please do not misunderstand me. What I was making fun of was the notion that all they had to do was be like a global Meals on Wheels and that would solve the problem. I was just making fun of the way Hawkie was putting it: "People must be fed! Bad people can't know, or they'll hog all the food for themselves!"

I was, in no way, trying to imply that the Nazis were anything less than the ruthless and cruel invaders that they were. I just found Hawkman's simple assessment of what was *causing* the hunger to be a little... shall we say, elemental. Not to mention his proposed solution which, while it would be great if we could throw turkey dinner capsules at the problem, really didn't address the cause.

Sorry if anyone took it the wrong way.

Tomfoolery said...

'blankety blank blank?'

is that supposed to be censorship?
and the lady who has supposedly forgotten what food tastes like doesn't look that malnourished.

and batman has his bat-belt.
Hawkman has his special place.

Aaron Carine said...

Okay,I misunderstood. But misunderstandings abound whenever Nazis come up.

Anonymous said...

That panel of Hawkman dribbling liquid is horrifying. It looks like he's giving it a shake after whizzing.

And I'm sure the artist knew this!

SallyP said...

Who knew that Hawkman kept such INTERESTING things in his pants? Other than Shayera, anyway.

Wonder Woman isn't staying behind because she's just the secretary. She really wants nothing to do with this whole idea.

And while that young lady may have forgotten what FOOD tasted like,she certainly never forgot her mascara!

Adam Barnett said...

No worries, aaron.... with this kind of humor, I always run the risk of it coming out wrong. How they pulled it off in *Hogan's Heroes* is amazing. But I appreciate you letting me know how it came across.

But, just to be clear: There is a special place in Hell for Hitler and his minions. I may poke fun at good-intentioned patriotism that didn't have the impact they were hoping for, but I'm only knocking the execution of the idea, not the idea itself. Anything I put in this blog is only meant in fun.

And that story was dang silly. They just went from place to place throwing turkey dinner capsules around, which was quite the magic bullet solution to a very real problem. Instead of calling attention to the food shortage, it left the reader with the notion that everything was now okay, so it was counter-productive.

For the sake of clarity, I amended the post to reflect more of my thought process at the time. Again, I apologize for any negative feelings that may have come from the post. It should always be all about the laughs here, and the irony is not lost on me that I failed to execute an idea while I was making fun of writers 50 years ago for doing the same thing. Sorry, gang. No one bats 1000.

And sallyp, just because there was a food shortage, history gives us no indication that there was a lack of Avon salespersons, so we have to assume that was historically accurate.

Allergy said...

Jeez... I step out for one day and everyone gets all serious!

I'd like to point out the hilarity of Hawkman calling his "little hawk" Hope in the drippy panel.

"Come on, Hope may look like a test tube and smell like dead voles, but I did just remind you what food tastes like!"

Robert Gillis said...

I think we all know Adam is a good guy and did not to minimize any of the horror of the Nazis. I agree that he's making fun of the over-simplification of the comics at that time - -we'll feed them FOOD and they'll fight harder!

And the entire bit with Wonder Woman -- created by the GODS and slighly less strong than SUPERMAN stays home to update the meeting minutes! Sheesh!

And the hawkman thing? Ew. Just, ewwwwwwww.

Also, I love the meeting agenda -- first, we must SAVE THE WORLD! Second item, next week's pancake breakfast, and then on Tuesday we paint the school yard swing set.