Monday, March 10, 2014

Supergirl, Matron Saint of Animal and Child Cruelty

Leafing through Action Comics #257, I'm getting acquainted with the Golden Age Supergirl stories and they've got me a bit befuddled.  I think they were trying to tap into the female readership market, because these stories are even more silly than their Superman counterparts.

F'rinstance, Supergirl goes through a lot of trouble to convince kids in the orphanage that fairy tales are true.  Well (A), that's a lie and (B), who cares?


So, even though she lives there and every kid has seen her face often enough to provide an accurate description to a police sketch artist, she slaps on the wig and convinces all the kids (well, all the kids except Tommy because (A) he's a big jerk and (B) fairy tales aren't real) that she's their fairy godmother.

I'm sure boy readers of this era started to hide their Action Comics purchases.  I would have, for fear that people would think I was buying them for the Supergirl story.  Heck, I wouldn't buy Fantastic Four because it was only 75% of the main characters were male.

Anyway, Tommy is a (justifiably) skeptical jerk and wants some proof:

Man, poor Peggy!  Tom just called her ugly and you can tell by the look on Supergirl's face that she is also quite unsettled at the notion of making Peggy look remotely attractive.  And poor Peggy just stands there and smiles.  This is one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

Hmmmm.  What to do, what to do?

Well, first........


And then do this:

Okay, this is a picture of Peggy's mother from Peggy's room.  Everyone got that?

Peggy doesn't recognize it:

Peggy is not only the plainest girl in the orphanage, she is also the most unobservant.

Next up, she is asked to turn a rabbit into a horse.  Thusly:

Okay, the horse is miles away.  Got it?

She surely wouldn't...

Oh, you know she is:

It will bring him to the orphanage with only a few broken ribs and a ruptured vertebrae!  But as long as the children think I can turn rabbits into horses, Seabiscuit there won't mind!

And just in case there's a chance the owners of the riding stable won't have to shoot the horse that evening:

Another excuse to blind the orphans!  YAY!

And how will you arrange for the horse to land gently after you've hit it with enough force to send the thousand pound animal flying for miles?  Velocity?  Never heard of it in the Golden Age!

Oy!  But it's ripe fodder for blogging, so I'm not complaining.

See you tomorrow!


MarvelX42 said...

One of your tags isn't "animal cruelty"?

Adam Barnett said...

If it isn't, it should be! I'll fix that!