Friday, March 28, 2014

Oh, Bizarro! Me Want to Feel Your Super-Muscles!

It's no secret that I'm not a huge fan of Superman, but there is one thing about the Big Blue Boy Scout that I dearly love:

Bizarro Superman.

In this issue, Bizarro's started employing Bizarro logic, which is where they say the opposite of what they mean.  All the time.  It's like in elementary school when someone would declare it was "Opposite Day," only it never ended.

It was still a pretty new concept, which explains why the jury is finding Superman "guilty" and not "innocent."  It takes a while to get used to Bizarro logic, and this story is more of a transition to it, because it's not followed 100%.


First a little origin for those of you not hip to the scene:

Okay, the ray only makes imperfect duplicates. Got that?

So, naturally:

Anyhoo, Bizarro eventually made a duplicate of Lois Lane that was a "Bizarro Lois" (or "Lois Bizarro," as the case may be.  They leave Earth to find their own world, which makes its first appearance in this issue. 

But they aren't there long before Bizarro Lois (who, if she's really the opposite of Lois Lane, should be a rational woman of great decorum and self-restraint) gets lonely.  So, Bizarro starts making copies of Bizarro Lois so she'll have someone else to complain to.

Now, if this were truly Bizarro World, all the women would be direct with one another and no one would be looking to take digs at the others.  But again, the idea of a situation employing complete Bizzarro logic just isn't quite there:


At this point, while I hate to be that guy, I have to point something out: If the machine makes imperfect duplicates, why is the machine making perfect copies of Bizarro and Bizarro Lois? I mean, a perfect copy of an imperfect thing is still a perfect thing?


They keep cranking out the copies until...

well, this:

And, back to the comic:

But on Bizarro World, wouldn't the boss do the work while they employees sat around and barked orders?

Okay... nice one.

But then:

But on Bizarro World, wouldn't the restaurant pay me for eating there?

I know.  I sound like "Comic Book Guy" from The Simpsons.

Anyhoo, Superman finds himself running foul of Bizarro Code:

This would later become the template for television shows on basic cable television networks in the United States.

The trial goes on:

Hey, I thought these trials were supposed to be the opposite of how trials were ran here!  Looks like another day at the office to me!

I kid, of course.... sorta.

All things considered, even a flawed in not-being-flawed-enough Bizarro story rocks. 

BAH, indeed!

See you Monday!


MarvelX42 said...

Okay, here goes. The original machine was made by a scientist and made imperfect copies of things. Since Bizzaro WAS imperfect and could only make imperfect copies of things himself. When he copied the machine he made a machine that wasn't like the original machine cause he couldn't. He made a machine that instead makes perfect copies. How's THAT for Bizzaro logic?

Wayne Allen Sallee said...

I always wonder if reading an old comic with Bizarro #1 in it is how Flava-Flav started wearing those damn clocks.

Adam Barnett said...

Marv, you make my head hurt... but that's actually dang good reasoning. If CMNS were Marvel, I'd be sending you a No-Prize!

MarvelX42 said...


Kim Strain said...

What HAPPENED? I assume superman somehow made it out of his predicament but how? I feel cheated!

wordsmith said...

If it's not too late, Superman was about to get de-powered with a de-powering ray when it occurred to him to accuse the Bizarros of harboring perfection--i.e. their planet was as spherical as all the other planets. Supes rearranged the topography until the planet was cube-shaped, and the Bizarros were so grateful that they released him.

wordsmith said...

Upon re-reading my response, I have to correct it: first the Bizarros dropped the charges (because they were as guilty of being perfect as he was), then he resurfaced the planet.