Supergirl, Matron Saint of Animal and Child Cruelty

Leafing through Action Comics #257, I'm getting acquainted with the Golden Age Supergirl stories and they've got me a bit befuddled.  I think they were trying to tap into the female readership market, because these stories are even more silly than their Superman counterparts.

F'rinstance, Supergirl goes through a lot of trouble to convince kids in the orphanage that fairy tales are true.  Well (A), that's a lie and (B), who cares?

SUPERGIRL CARES, THAT'S WHO!

So, even though she lives there and every kid has seen her face often enough to provide an accurate description to a police sketch artist, she slaps on the wig and convinces all the kids (well, all the kids except Tommy because (A) he's a big jerk and (B) fairy tales aren't real) that she's their fairy godmother.

I'm sure boy readers of this era started to hide their Action Comics purchases.  I would have, for fear that people would think I was buying them for the Supergirl story.  Heck, I wouldn't buy Fantastic Four because it was only 75% of the main characters were male.

Anyway, Tommy is a (justifiably) skeptical jerk and wants some proof:

Man, poor Peggy!  Tom just called her ugly and you can tell by the look on Supergirl's face that she is also quite unsettled at the notion of making Peggy look remotely attractive.  And poor Peggy just stands there and smiles.  This is one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

Hmmmm.  What to do, what to do?

Well, first........

BLIND THE ORPHANS!  BLIND THEM!

And then do this:

Okay, this is a picture of Peggy's mother from Peggy's room.  Everyone got that?

Peggy doesn't recognize it:

Peggy is not only the plainest girl in the orphanage, she is also the most unobservant.

Next up, she is asked to turn a rabbit into a horse.  Thusly:

Okay, the horse is miles away.  Got it?

She surely wouldn't...

Oh, you know she is:

It will bring him to the orphanage with only a few broken ribs and a ruptured vertebrae!  But as long as the children think I can turn rabbits into horses, Seabiscuit there won't mind!

And just in case there's a chance the owners of the riding stable won't have to shoot the horse that evening:

Another excuse to blind the orphans!  YAY!

And how will you arrange for the horse to land gently after you've hit it with enough force to send the thousand pound animal flying for miles?  Velocity?  Never heard of it in the Golden Age!

Oy!  But it's ripe fodder for blogging, so I'm not complaining.

See you tomorrow!

They Have Rightly Named You, Lady Satan!

Well, I can't find the exact link, but somewhere in this article, there was a link back to this site from Cracked, a fine website I (honestly and truly) read regularly and readership skyrocketed for a few days... and it appears a good chunk of you re-directed folks continue to stick around, so welcome!

I'm the first to fuss about the excessive violence in some modern-day titles.  I wish we could harken back to the carefree Golden Age, where comics like Dynamic Comics # 3, with...

Oh.  Um.... Well, I'm sure that was an isolated....

Egad!  But then again, the feature is called "Lady Satan," so perhaps that is to be expected.  I'd best flip over to the gallant chivalry of "The Green Knight," to be regaled by stories of honor, bravery...

... and a woman getting her eyes plucked out.

Yeesh!  Perhaps I should put that ish down and take a look at Pep Comics #14.  Pep Comics would later introduce us to Archie, Jughead and all the gang at Riverdale, so I'm sure this comic will have traditional American values like...

Um....

Oh.  That looks a little rough, don't you ...?

Okay, I give. Comics are just disturbing.  But if they weren't what would I write about?

See you tomorrow!