Shut Up, Irene.

All-Flash Quarterly #32 ended the run, as superhero comics were starting to give way in popularity to western and war comics.  But the series ended with a bang, giving us not only the first appearance of the Fiddler, but even (much to my surprise):

Yup!  I didn't know that!  Long-time Green Lantern fans are very familiar with Star Sapphire, but this was the first appearance of a character by that name!  Neat, eh? 

I educate as well as entertain.  It's what I do.

Taking a look at Golden Age Green Lantern #4, I think I'm already tired of Irene:

Seriously, Irene... I don't see you running out and joining the WAC, so what say we let others make their own decisions, what say?

Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Artwork! (tm!)

Although it was obvious to everyone else, Irene never understood why she was often not invited to formal social events.

Meanwhile, Doiby Dickles, with Alan Scott's full endorsement, started wearing a costume exactly like that of GL:

And, as usual, this created a serious secret identity breach for the main hero.  Doiby was always hanging around Alan Scott, and even someone as stupid as Irene could see that this was no disguise whatsoever....

Mind you, Alan, Irene and Doiby were all aboard a Nazi ship and although Doiby later paraded around in front of Irene wearing that get-up and Green Lantern himself appeared on the boat, Irene never connected the "Alan Scott / Green Lantern" dots.  Shut up, Irene.

Here's a blurb from Spy Smasher #5:

Ain't it, though!

See you tomorrow!

They Have Rightly Named You, Lady Satan!

Well, I can't find the exact link, but somewhere in this article, there was a link back to this site from Cracked, a fine website I (honestly and truly) read regularly and readership skyrocketed for a few days... and it appears a good chunk of you re-directed folks continue to stick around, so welcome!

I'm the first to fuss about the excessive violence in some modern-day titles.  I wish we could harken back to the carefree Golden Age, where comics like Dynamic Comics # 3, with...

Oh.  Um.... Well, I'm sure that was an isolated....

Egad!  But then again, the feature is called "Lady Satan," so perhaps that is to be expected.  I'd best flip over to the gallant chivalry of "The Green Knight," to be regaled by stories of honor, bravery...

... and a woman getting her eyes plucked out.

Yeesh!  Perhaps I should put that ish down and take a look at Pep Comics #14.  Pep Comics would later introduce us to Archie, Jughead and all the gang at Riverdale, so I'm sure this comic will have traditional American values like...

Um....

Oh.  That looks a little rough, don't you ...?

Okay, I give. Comics are just disturbing.  But if they weren't what would I write about?

See you tomorrow!

The Drugs, The Drugs!

Pop Quiz:  Using your powers of deduction, my nerdlingers, what character should not be behind the green light slicing at the wooden mast?

I know, I know... Green light... but wooden mast!

Who should this absolutely not be?

Yup.

It's only the third ish of the Golden Age Green Lantern's book, and we still haven't figured out whether Green Lantern's ring works on wood.  As you've seen in previous posts, we're told time and time again that the ring doesn't affect "non-metals," but there we go.  And to make matters worse, it's cutting through wood, which we all know is the one thing that the Alan Scott's ring remained ineffective against.  YEESH!

Hey!  Let's check out Dynamic Comics #3!

Wow... Lindsay Lohan has really let herself go!

Thank you, thank you!  I'll be here all week!

Oh, and they're still milking this:

Egad, how stupid are Kent's friends?

Anyway, moving on:

Well, the butler shouldn't beat himself up, but he looks pretty okay with it.  Whoops!  I didn't save the man from getting a dagger in his chest!  Oh, well!  Chin up!  Carry on, pip-pip!

What interested me more (and I didn't catch it the first time), is that Lucky Coyne has a very familiar gimmick: 

Pretty familiar stuff, eh?

I mean, if your name is "Lucky Coyne," you're probably going to carry a coin around, but still...

So, I did a little diligence, and sure enough, Lucky Coyne came about before Batman's foe, Two-Face.

The similarities should come as no surprise, because Lucky Coyne was written by none other than Golden Age Batman writer, Bill Finger!

This guy has the whole story.  Awesome!

See you tomorrow!

With Yul Brynner - Like Flesh-Tones!

Sorry for the late post, but my electricity finally kicked on and I've been trying to catch up with life.  

Here's some fun from All-Flash Quarterly #31:

The penalty for trespassing is death?  Where are we - Florida?

Too soon?

This was kind of cool:

Yeah, they'd never let that fly in schools these days, but I would have loved a pencil case shaped like a pistol.  As an adult, though, I can see how that might be just a tad disruptive with every boy in your classroom pointing fake pistols at each other all day long.

Here's something that caught my eye from Strange Space Adventures #76:

I'm sure "skinhead" wasn't the same thing back in the day, but doesn't this guy's expression give you the impression that he's a hate crime waiting to happen?  Creep-EEEEE!

See you Monday!

Seriously, Though.... Don't Give a Dog Lipstick

Oy!  That was a terrible storm, and I am without power at Casa CMNS  and there's no air-conditioning where I work, so this is not my favorite day.

But you know what makes every day just a teeny bit better?  Blogging.

Courtesy of Robert Gillis, here's an Excessively Impossibly Expository Monlogue!

I remember this cover from a house ad.  Good stuff.  And here's some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!) courtesy of Lois Lane #1:

Oh, I don't know... there are some truck stops where it's hard to keep the "sword drinkers" away!

Good stuff, Robert!

Here are some bits n' pieces from Startling Comics #24:

It's funny if you pretend the first guy's name is "Larry."

You know what makes this funny?  Look at that panel while listening to this:

Here's something I didn't know about the Golden Age:

Women apparently weren't into lipstick.

Enough of that.  Let's finish with more Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

Spaghetti A La Italian!

Just a few random panels, starting with this one from America's Best Comics #6:

I have no idea where this story is going, but any time you have two characters named "Dick" and "Tinkle," you've got my attention.

I'll peruse that ish a bit more tomorrow, but first, let us consider this about Porky Mead:

Attentive...

Sweet...

Sweet, Sweet....

He's Porky Mead.

Porky Mead.... Lover, Romantic, Ladies' Man...

... and Flapjack Aficionado.

That was from Silverish-Age Phantom Lady #14, by the way.

That's it for today, Dear Ones!  Time for a nice Greek salad and...

What!?  Denied!  Dang you, Pep Comics #13!

See you tomorrow!

Fear the Rug of Mr. America!

It occurred to me that before I went on hiatus, I was going through my limited supply of Action Comics.  It's limited because... well, because Superman is an embarrassment to comics and I didn't try very hard to collect them.  But I'll add what I have to the rotation and see if I can locate folks who have copies they'd be willing to let me borrow.  You'd be amazed how boring this blog would be if it weren't for the generosity of my fellow comic nerds.

Anyway, I picked things back up with Action Comics # 42

This was back in the day before Superman could actually fly.

And he'd kill you.

I mean, he'd freakin' end you.  Thusly:

A well-deserved beating apparently also involves falling to your death.  Supes didn't clown around back in the day.  It's a shame he reigned it in, because the Punisher has nothing on early Superman.

To make sure Superham wasn't the lamest character in Action Comics, they insisted on putting in a story with Mr. America.

I think Mr. America is one of the least successful DC reboots.  DC has done an amazing job with some really questionable properties over the years, but ... well, mustache aside, he wears a sash:

There's probably a certain kind of ... ahem... device joke to be made here, but I'm taking the high road and continuing.  Because what actually happened is just as cringeworthy.

You see, the man made himself a magic carpet.

Yes, the mustache, the ponytail, the knickers and the whip weren't groan-inducing enough, he had to go an make himself a magic carpet.  Yikes.  It's technically a rug, I think, but "magic rug" sounds even worse.

And he needed a foe (and "Baldy" was already taken by the Golden Age Green Lantern), so we have the Queen Bee.  No, not that Queen Bee.  This one:

Okay, how did this feature end up not getting its own chapter in Seduction of the Innocent?

Anyway, she's awesome because...

Yup... anyone who smacks around Mr. America has a seat at my proverbial table any time.

Here's an ad I found that was kind of a head-scratcher:

"Like the one Superman uses"?  I realize there are many holes in my Superham collection, but I wasn't aware Clark was packing a piece.  Anyway, this is what it looked like....

Kinda cool. I certainly would have wanted one. I had this Star Trek phaser that was just a flashlight that made phaser noises and I thought it was awesome:

I somehow talked my mom into dropping five bucks for that in 1975.  According to an Inflation Calculator, that's like $22.00 in today's currency.  I couldn't believe she did it.

I woke up really early, all excited the next morning, and couldn't help but use it.  It woke her up and she took it from me until everyone in the house was out of bed.  That was a bitchin' toy.

Meanwhile, that Superman raygun will run you around a thousand bucks these days if you can find one.  Wow!  Not bad for a replica of something I'm not convinced Superham even used.

See you tomorrow!

In Brightest Day, In Dullest Knight...

And we're back!  In continuing our look at Dynamic Comics #2, I've got to say that thus far, Lady Satan is a bust.  It isn't good enough for me to say, "Well, that was a nice surprise," and (even worse, for purposes of blogging) nothing was bad enough that I could make fun of it.

But then, I was saved by a knight wearing what appears to be regular spandex instead of armor: The Green Knight.

The Green Knight is unremarkable in that he's yet another bored bazillionaire who wants to make a difference... not by being a philanthropist, because where's the fun in that?  

No, he wants to punch people and see if he can write that off his taxes.

The first story is dreadful. He's just wandering around and decides to commit a little breaking and entering of a seemingly-abandoned house, and...

You may be thinking I'm being too hard on this story because at least he's fighting a vampire.  Just bear with me.

The kid he rescues is, of course, an orphan.  Every kid is an orphan in comics.

His name is Lance.... as in "Lancelot."  Isn't that convenient?

So, Greenie slugs the kidnapping giant...

and then proceeds to just leave him there.  I'm not a lawy- wait, yes I am.  Someone should call the frickin' police!

Normally, when a grown man "want to show something" to a young boy, we all justifiably get a little nervous.  But in this case, it's to tell the kid his origin... which is basically that he thought knights were awesome and LARPing hadn't been invented yet, so what else could he do?

Way to be subtle, Lance.

And so, as comic book heroes are want to do, the Green Knight spontaneously decides to take on parenthood:

And, as seems to be the rule, Lance gets no mask and runs around in costume going by his real name:

Lance dutifully fulfills his role as "target."

Not today, Lance!  But don't make any long-term plans, if you know what I mean.

The vampire is back....

... and we're given no explanation of how/why a vampire is there in the first place.

Instead, Greenie just torches the place.

Yeah, why comb the place for clues and make sure there aren't going to be more giants and vampires when you can just set a big fire?  To be fair, though, he never said he was a detective. 

And off they skip into the sunset.  Egad.

Meanwhile, on the "fun facts" page, here's a picture of a guy getting juiced in the electric chair:

Want more, kids?  Here's a poison gas attack!:

Yeah!  All in color, for one thin dime!

And here's a fact that is well-intended but not completely true:

Well, dogs will bark because they're tied up and need a yard to run in.  Dogs shouldn't be tied up outside.  They shouldn't be just left outside, either.  They should be in the house, or you shouldn't have a dog.

But to promise that they'll stop barking if you give them a yard is hilarious.  When my dogs run into their quite-sufficient back yard, guess what they do?  They bark.  They bark at squirrels, neighbors, dogs in other yards, earthworms, sanitation workers... and if there's no one else, they'll bark at each other.  Because that's what dogs do.

See you tomorrow!