Shut Up, Irene.

All-Flash Quarterly #32 ended the run, as superhero comics were starting to give way in popularity to western and war comics.  But the series ended with a bang, giving us not only the first appearance of the Fiddler, but even (much to my surprise):

Yup!  I didn't know that!  Long-time Green Lantern fans are very familiar with Star Sapphire, but this was the first appearance of a character by that name!  Neat, eh? 

I educate as well as entertain.  It's what I do.

Taking a look at Golden Age Green Lantern #4, I think I'm already tired of Irene:

Seriously, Irene... I don't see you running out and joining the WAC, so what say we let others make their own decisions, what say?

Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Artwork! (tm!)

Although it was obvious to everyone else, Irene never understood why she was often not invited to formal social events.

Meanwhile, Doiby Dickles, with Alan Scott's full endorsement, started wearing a costume exactly like that of GL:

And, as usual, this created a serious secret identity breach for the main hero.  Doiby was always hanging around Alan Scott, and even someone as stupid as Irene could see that this was no disguise whatsoever....

Mind you, Alan, Irene and Doiby were all aboard a Nazi ship and although Doiby later paraded around in front of Irene wearing that get-up and Green Lantern himself appeared on the boat, Irene never connected the "Alan Scott / Green Lantern" dots.  Shut up, Irene.

Here's a blurb from Spy Smasher #5:

Ain't it, though!

See you tomorrow!

With Yul Brynner - Like Flesh-Tones!

Sorry for the late post, but my electricity finally kicked on and I've been trying to catch up with life.  

Here's some fun from All-Flash Quarterly #31:

The penalty for trespassing is death?  Where are we - Florida?

Too soon?

This was kind of cool:

Yeah, they'd never let that fly in schools these days, but I would have loved a pencil case shaped like a pistol.  As an adult, though, I can see how that might be just a tad disruptive with every boy in your classroom pointing fake pistols at each other all day long.

Here's something that caught my eye from Strange Space Adventures #76:

I'm sure "skinhead" wasn't the same thing back in the day, but doesn't this guy's expression give you the impression that he's a hate crime waiting to happen?  Creep-EEEEE!

See you Monday!

Gee Whiz - ANIMAL PICTURES!

Let's start our week off with some random observations I had whilst reading All-Flash #30:

Even the most casual comic reader knows that a Flash (Golden Age, Barry, Wally, Bart, Max... take your pick) is a dickens to imprison because they can just vibrate out of any shackles for some reason.  I'm sure there's a scientific explanation but please don't try and explain it to me as it will only end in tears for both of us.  Anyway, point is, Flash can get right out of that stuff without having to build a fire with his feet using that very same technique.

Now, at the risk of sounding all "Comic Book Guy" on you, I thought this was something that must have come later.  But check it out.  Same issue:

Okay, so why didn't he do that earlier instead of....

... okay, just never mind.

Moving on...

Jay Garrick... Scientist.

Kids were just a little easier to impress back in the day.

I appreciate that a criminal used to dress up to commit a burglary.  A felony shouldn't be a casual affair.

Jay Garrick... Scientist.

Okay, it happened twice.  Now it's an official CMNS meme!

Jay Garrick... Scientist (tm!)

See you tomorrow!

Beaver, Lipstick and Boobs... Yet Totally Safe for Work

The new X-Box is going to allow developers to put restrictions on used games?  Well, thanks for making it easy, Microsoft!  The Playstation 4, it is.... in about three or four years.  I'm so far behind on my PS3 gaming, it's almost as if I had a job and a family or something.

Anyway, from the pages of All-Flash Quarterly #29, it's time for some Fun with Out of Context Artwork! (tm!):

Got to watch your positioning when you're moving things really quickly.  Zounds!

Anyway, here's a title for an ad that caught my eye:

Having read the rest of the ad, I will tell you I was more than a little disappointed with what Swifty Seaver ended up winning.

From contributor Robert Gillis, here's an installment of Got All That? (tm!) from Superman Family #168:

I'll be honest with you... ever since I started reading comics at the tender age of 5, I would just bleep right over any balloon that had more than ten words in it.  And all that "red rays / yellow rays" stuff just made no sense to me... and yet I readily accepted that Green Lantern was ineffective against the color yellow.

And from that same ish, one of the greatest Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) entries I think we'll ever see:

As was the case with Swifty Seaver up there, you're better off just leaving it to the imagination.  Thanks again, Robert!

See you tomorrow!

BAW! I Ain't Got No Nose!

Well, I thought we were finished with All-Flash Quarterly #25, but when the last story is, well....

Yes, it's about a mermaid who brings gold furniture out of the ocean for Winky, Blinky and Noddy.  How could I not immortalize that one for the ages?

She's apparently also insanely strong, able to balance a couch on top of a single cushion of some sorts, and is able to walk on that fish tail thing of hers.

In short, she may well be the greatest character in the history of the medium.

But she's not the goofiest thing in the story, though.  This is:

Okay?  Now watch what he does.

And yes, I totally see the "giving him a hummer" joke there, but we're taking the high road today.  Work with me, people!

The end result?  He rubs the guys nose clean off his face:

And just in case you're thinking that it's just a detail lost in the distance, we have a confirmation:

And two panels later, it's back.  For no particular reason:

Okay, what just happened there?  Did he rub the guy's nose off his face?  If so, wouldn't it have re-formed?  Hmmmm... I'm going to consult with an ENT doctor and find out.

You think I'm kidding.  I'm totally not.  Just watch me.

Meanwhile, here's an interesting piece of history:

Yes, from 1933 to 1975, it was illegal to own big hunks of gold like that.  Apparently, everyone was hoarding gold and it was stalling economic growth (something needed even more back then than it is now).  You could do up to ten years in the slam.

That tickled me.  Ha! Ha!  You can't fool me!

Yup.  That was Federal time you were looking at.  

Like I said, President Ford put a stop to that effective January 1st, 1975.  You still can't use gold as money in a contract, but you can stockpile all of it that you can't get your grubby little mitts on.

Or, if you're uncomfortable about it, feel free to mail it to me.

See you tomorrow!

I'm Kept Jitterbugging ALL THE TIME!

Finishing up our look at All-Flash Quarterly #25, we come upon the secret villainous origin of Slapsy Simmons:

Yes... seething with bitter resentment that he can't shuck and jive with the best of them, Slapsy develops a hatred for dancing and music that will (of course) lead him to a life of crime.  It's not like he can just keep his radio turned off and not go dancing... NO!  He must instead embark on a life of crime!

Is it just me, or should a guy with this kind of origin totally be a Batman villain?  And who is that lady giving him the disapproving stare?

Anyway, he commits crimes that seem limited to dance halls, which would make him pretty easy to catch if he wasn't already doing you a favor by committing crimes blindfolded:

The victim doesn't look particularly outraged.  That's just an observation.  I'm not trying to imply anything here.  It also looks like Slapsy's gun would be pointed at the victim's crotch, which makes me even more curious as to why the victim isn't more demonstrably upset.  But I'm not in the guy's shoes, and I'm not here to judge, so moving on...

to a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!):

This has been a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

All in all, it was pretty disappointing.  Slapsy was basically a normal hood who took his shortcomings way too seriously, but not so much that he'd be a candidate for Arkham Asylum.  Jay didn't have the quality of rogues that his successor would enjoy:

Indeed.

See you tomorrow!

You're No Tin Ears! You Catch!

A little movie-going fun from Superman Family #166, courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis!:

So, Jimmy Olsen is that guy.  He's the one who assumes he's the only one who is capable of understanding what is going on in the movie, so he has to give you a play-by-play.  Is anyone surprised?  Certainly not me.

Great one, Robert!  Thanks again!

So, I'm looking at All-Flash Quarterly #25, and I was stopped in my tracks by the sheer awesomeness potential of the story.  Considering the greatness of the "Roy Revenge" saga, the rest of the series hasn't quite lived up to that potential.

But, my friends, we are about to be rewarded for my persistence.  I can feel it in my bones.

Thusly:

Yes, Ally Gates... a man who apparently cannot stop "jitterbugging."  And he doesn't seem to mind.

Okay, that hovered somewhere between jitterbugging and a grand mal seizure.  I mean, this is how you jitterbug (or so this lady would you believe):

And I don't see anyone throwing themselves on the floor and doing a handstand.  But Ally Gates calls it jitterbugging, so it's all good!  Everyone jitterbug!:

I'm not sure that forcing someone to jitterbug with you isn't some sort of sexual battery, but I'd have to actually read the laws of whatever State you find Keystone City in to be certain.

So, is that all there is to the story?  You know better than that!

Yep, take a rest, Joan!  Because tomorrow, we'll look further into "The Flash Cuts a Rug!"

Yes, that's the title of the story.  You can see why I'm not rushing through this.

See you tomorrow!

The Kind of Trouble Where My Spaceship Blows Up with Me Inside It, Mission Control!

And now, another installment of Ya THINK? (tm!), courtesy of Space Adventures #36:

"In trouble," you say?

Ya THINK? (tm!)

This has been another installment of: Ya THINK?

From All-Flash Quarterly #23, it's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

You know, if the woman in my wife looked like Joan there, I'd probably try out the other team myself. I like to think I'm secure enough in myself that I wouldn't try and suppress the memories, though.

Here's a simple explanation for time travel that makes zero sense: 

What?  I don't think time "travels" that way at all.

I'm inducting this panel into That Doesn't Work That Way (tm!) unless someone can convince me otherwise.  And no, just because Superman made time go in reverse by flying in the opposite direction of the Earth's rotation in the movies doesn't count.

See you tomorrow!

A Hacksaw to the Head of a Stupid Child Can Only Help!

We've been having some techno issues, so let's make up for it with a super-sized post, courtesy of All-Flash Quarterly #22!

That can't be right, but for the life of me I can't figure out why it isn't.

There was a story in there that was re-drawn in the 1970's.  I remember that story by heart, so it was kind of fun to see the original artwork.  But here's what I don't understand:

Okay, it isn't that Joan is the least attractive woman since Olive Oyl.  It's something else.  Read on:

Okay, if you're just going to stick it in an envelope and mail it, why go through all the hoo-hah?  I mean, I would imagine it takes a lot more attention-grabbing activity to glue a playing card together and stick that in the mail than it would to just shove a piece of paper in there.  It's not Ace suspected Deuces at that time and was watching him 24/7.  Heck, Deuces could have just picked up the phone rather than risk getting caught in this elaborate scheme (or run the risk that no one would have figured out to steam the card open).

  Don't overthink your capers, people.  Learn from this.

Here's a couple of things from All-Flash Quarterly #24:

Man boys are ordering an extra copy of the Daisy handbook for their girlfriends?  I'm sorry, but I need to see some proof of that.

And now, a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness (tm!):

That was a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

See you tomorrow!