In my review of last year, I neglected to mention The Ultimates 3, and it deserved mentioning because it was quite dreadful, particularly when compared to the previous two installments.
And before you miss it, check out Role Models in its second run. Beloved and I saw it over the weekend and we were laughing so hard it exhausted us. It's very crude, but the bottom line for any comedy is whether it delivers the yocks, and this one certainly did. Check it out at the dollar theater or when it comes out on DVD. It won't be nearly as funny when it gets edited for cable.
Limping our way to the end of the Golden Age All-Star Comics run, the following came from All-Star #55-57.
It will turn any gas in our lungs to oxygen.
So, when I fart in the space ship, everyone should really be thanking me, right? Take it all in, folks!
Hey, I'm not proud of every joke I make on here....
Did you ever read Highlights as a kid? I remember reading it at my eye doctor's office once a year. It might have had a religious bent, but I can't say for sure. I do, however, remember Goofus and Gallant. The gist was that Goofus was a screw up while Gallant always made good decisions. Put me next to any kid my age, and guess which one I was?
Take, for example, Childhood Pal Scotty. This is why I don't make nearly the money Childhood Pal Scotty does:
Scotty would focus on this panel for a good ten minutes until he understood the principles at work here. Adam would mindlessly skim the pages until someone got punched in the face.
Scotty would actually follow the directions, construct the color wheel to the exact specifications, and try the experiment out for himself. Adam would get frustrated at his inability to draw a decent circle after two attempts and go watch Gilligan's Island.
And the mother of all toys that would separate the Scottys from the Adams:
Scotty could actually build things like the Ferris wheel and the carousel, get them to work, and then proceed to create his own original, fully functional mechanical creations. Adam would take four pieces the same length to make a lopsided square and then proceed to shove the Erector set under his bed so he could go watch Gilligan's Island.
When Scotty and I were pursuing our graduate studies, he wouldn't get a television because it would distract him from his studies. Adam had extended cable and a Nintendo.
Scotty made a very successful career with his engineering and technical know-how. I write a free column so I can tell you who Killjoy was.
And yet, we're each stupidly happy with our lives and great pals for more than 30 years, probably because the man never lost his love for Taco Tico or comics.
I'm not sure what the lesson here is, but I'm sure there is one. I guess it's that the secret to life is finding a way to be happy with who you are, as long as you're being the best Goofus or Gallant you know how to be.
Here's something you don't see anymore:
Now, Billy, where did Straight Arrow take you when he asked you to touch his privates?
We were in his secret cave, Officer!
Hmmmmm.... if only we had some evidence.
Why, I've got the photographic proof right here in my ring, Officer!
I'm just being spiteful because I totally want that ring, complete with my picture in there.
See you tomorrow!