Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Life-Evaluatin' Tuesday!

In my review of last year, I neglected to mention The Ultimates 3, and it deserved mentioning because it was quite dreadful, particularly when compared to the previous two installments.

And before you miss it, check out Role Models in its second run. Beloved and I saw it over the weekend and we were laughing so hard it exhausted us. It's very crude, but the bottom line for any comedy is whether it delivers the yocks, and this one certainly did. Check it out at the dollar theater or when it comes out on DVD. It won't be nearly as funny when it gets edited for cable.

Limping our way to the end of the Golden Age All-Star Comics run, the following came from All-Star #55-57.

It will turn any gas in our lungs to oxygen.

So, when I fart in the space ship, everyone should really be thanking me, right? Take it all in, folks!

Hey, I'm not proud of every joke I make on here....

Did you ever read Highlights as a kid? I remember reading it at my eye doctor's office once a year. It might have had a religious bent, but I can't say for sure. I do, however, remember Goofus and Gallant. The gist was that Goofus was a screw up while Gallant always made good decisions. Put me next to any kid my age, and guess which one I was?

Take, for example, Childhood Pal Scotty. This is why I don't make nearly the money Childhood Pal Scotty does:

Scotty would focus on this panel for a good ten minutes until he understood the principles at work here. Adam would mindlessly skim the pages until someone got punched in the face.

Further example:

Scotty would actually follow the directions, construct the color wheel to the exact specifications, and try the experiment out for himself. Adam would get frustrated at his inability to draw a decent circle after two attempts and go watch Gilligan's Island.

And the mother of all toys that would separate the Scottys from the Adams:

Scotty could actually build things like the Ferris wheel and the carousel, get them to work, and then proceed to create his own original, fully functional mechanical creations. Adam would take four pieces the same length to make a lopsided square and then proceed to shove the Erector set under his bed so he could go watch Gilligan's Island.

When Scotty and I were pursuing our graduate studies, he wouldn't get a television because it would distract him from his studies. Adam had extended cable and a Nintendo.

Scotty made a very successful career with his engineering and technical know-how. I write a free column so I can tell you who Killjoy was.

And yet, we're each stupidly happy with our lives and great pals for more than 30 years, probably because the man never lost his love for Taco Tico or comics.

I'm not sure what the lesson here is, but I'm sure there is one. I guess it's that the secret to life is finding a way to be happy with who you are, as long as you're being the best Goofus or Gallant you know how to be.


Here's something you don't see anymore:

Now, Billy, where did Straight Arrow take you when he asked you to touch his privates?

We were in his secret cave, Officer!

Hmmmmm.... if only we had some evidence.

Why, I've got the photographic proof right here in my ring, Officer!

I'm just being spiteful because I totally want that ring, complete with my picture in there.

See you tomorrow!


Aaron Carine said...

You might have to produce a lot of flatulence for your shipmates to breathe in the methane(and convert it to sweet oxygen).

Adam Barnett said...

Was that a challenge? Because Beloved will verify that I could keep a crew of 7 going for a week after Taco Night!

ssschaffer said...

OK, I see I'm being called out here. Let's take these in order, shall we?

GRAVITY WAVES -- Einstein's theory of general relativity states that nothing, not even gravity waves, travel faster than the speed of light. If the sun were to disappear, we wouldn't be flung into space (or see its disappearance) for 8 minutes. Napier's belief? Shenanigans!!

COLOR WHEEL -- There's a difference between combining light (where all colors added together = white) and pigments (where all colors added together = black). I didn't make that color wheel, but I would suspect that it would look black if spun.

ERECTOR SET -- Sorry, never got past that first panel where Jimmy is holding that girder piece suggestively and saying "Erector". But I can say that I never owned a set. Lego's, now that was something else...

I also loved to watch Gilligan's Island. So much so that my parents would hide the cable to the TV when I wouldn't do my math and science homework.

And lastly, we all have a little Goofus and Gallant in us -- the trick is know what side to show and when to show it to our friends and coworkers. That is what defines us.


P.S.: Taco Tico rules!

Anonymous said...

Aren't you like a lawyer or something?

SallyP said...

Do they still print Highlights? I remember it, but I always passed it off to my little brother, while I went for the Asterix comics at the dentist.

Adam Barnett said...

Yeah, I'm a lawyer, but I'm one of those types who went the do-gooder route. I work with juvenile delinquency cases. Scotty runs with the big dogs, making the world a more technologically-advanced place. I tried the big firm route, and while they were very good to me, I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I was a social worker before law school, so I guess I was meant to be in the trenches. I'm stupidly lucky to be doing what I'm doing and working with the folks I do.

Anonymous said...

Well, it is said that many superheroes' greatest powers isn't their superpowers, but rather doing what's right with them.

Allergy said...

"An airplane flies on a radio beam"?!?!?!?? What the crap? If you're going to put together a fancy little diagram like that at least try to have your explanation make some kind of rational sense.

This is stuff that really screws up a kid! I can still remember reading in a comic that our solar system is heading toward a collision with another galaxy or something. Then I find out later that the galaxies are actually moving apart from each other! What if I had repeated what I read? I'd look like an idiot... (moreso).

And Adam, you're a lawyer? And a do-gooder?? All along I thought you were just a wag! Now I respect you even more. Well played, sir.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

But Jimmy, that Indian couldn't have molested you....hes Straight Arrow.