Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Captain America Wins the War and Spends His Days Giving Random Spankings! (tm!)

After WWII ended, a lot of comic book characters really didn't know what to do with themselves (perhaps a case of art imitating life).  For instance, Spy Smasher became Crime Smasher.  The most glaring of these is probably Captain America himself:

Yes, Bucky... you can't just promise to keep your mouth shut, seeing as how it's a national secret and all.  You must be my partner!

Do I get a shield like yours, Cap?

Um.... no, Bucky.  That's a one of a kind item, I'm afraid.

You're sending me into combat with no shield?  How about a gun?

Well... I guess if you find one laying around....

What about a code name?  I need to keep my identity a secret!

Well... let's not get ahead of ourselves.  We'll put you in as tiny a facemask as possible.  But for now, let's just call you "Bucky," so I don't get confused.

Anyway... the war is over and Steve goes from being in the army to being a teacher in a private school.

I know.

So.... we went from fighting Nazis to that.

Maybe the next story....

I am Robin Hood!  I rob from the rich and give to the poor, requiring them to look up at my genitals whilst I drop coins to them!  I have behavioral issues!

Moving on, we see that the Human Torch isn't doing much better.  A guy has some kind of eye surgery and discovers he can now hypnotize people.  I've had LASIK done, and while it was indeed awesome and life-changing, I don't think I can do that.  Anyway....

Okay, let's remember that despite the misleading name, the Human Torch isn't human at all.  He's an android.  Why does this stuff work on him?  I know I ask this question a lot, but half of what takes the Torch off the board are things that shouldn't work!  BLEH, it drives me bananas!

And then there's this:

Well, the kids do hate it when their cigarettes get crushed and they can't light up on a windy day.  EEESH!

See you tomorrow!

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