If there's one lesson we should be taking away from the Silver Age, it's that trying to achieve scientific advancements only leads to trouble. The source of nearly all tragedies usually involves some form of scientific exploration or (most likely) some experiment. With that, I give you Detective Comics #319:
What? A device that can heal scars and renew skin? Well, we can't have that! FOOPH!
And that's a great sound effect: FOOPH! I don't know if I'm going to be able to get through the day without saying it out loud.
Anyway, the well-meaning doctor is screwed, because that's always the case:
I think we can all agree that I'm no artist, but doesn't everyone seem just a bit amused by what happened to this poor guy? I mean, I'm not even sure how he's breathing, and they're all kind of smirking, especially the monkey:
Although considering the monkey was the animal getting experimented on, you can see why he might take a bit of perverse joy in what happened. Hey, just for fun, let's educate ourselves with others who do animal testing these days:
Arm & Hammer (Church & Dwight), P.O. Box 1625, Horsham, PA 19044-6625; 609-683-5900; 800-524-1328; www.armhammer.com
Bic Corporation has a history, but has reportedly suspended their testing and I hope they continue to do so, 1 Bic Way, Ste.1, Shelton, CT 06484; 203-783-2000; www.bicworld.com
Church & Dwight (Aim, Arm & Hammer, Arrid, Brillo, Close-up, Kaboom, Lady's Choice, Mentadent, Nair, Orange Glo International, Oxi Clean, Pearl Drops), P.O. Box 1625, Horsham, PA 19044-6625; 609-683-5900; 800-524-1328; www.churchdwight.com
Clairol (Aussie, Daily Defense, Herbal Essences, Infusium 23, Procter & Gamble), 1 Blachley Rd., Stamford, CT 06922; 800-252-4765; www.clairol.com
Clorox (ArmorAll, Formula 409, Fresh Step, Glad, Liquid Plumber, Pine-Sol, Soft Scrub, S.O.S., Tilex), 1221 Broadway, Oakland, CA 94612; 510-271-7000; 800-227-1860; www.clorox.com
Dial Corporation (Dry Idea, Purex, Renuzit, Right Guard, Soft & Dri), 15101 N. Scottsdale Rd., Ste. 5028, Scottsdale, AZ 85254-2199; 800-528-0849; www.dialcorp.com
Johnson & Johnson (Aveeno, Clean & Clear, Listerine, Lubriderm, Neutrogena, Rembrandt, ROC), 1 Johnson & Johnson Plz., New Brunswick, NJ 08933; 732-524-0400; 800-526-3967; www.jnj.com
L'Oréal (Biotherm, Cacharel, Garnier, Giorgio Armani, Helena Rubinstein, Lancôme,
Matrix Essentials, Maybelline, Ralph Lauren Fragrances, Redken, Soft Sheen, Vichy), 575 Fifth Ave., New York, NY 10017; 212-818-1500; www.loreal.com
Max Factor (Procter & Gamble), 1 Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH 45202; 513-983-1100; 800-543-1745; www.maxfactor.com
Mead, 10 W. Second St., #1, Dayton, OH 45402; 937-495-6323; www.meadweb.com
Melaleuca, 3910 S. Yellowstone Hwy., Idaho Falls, ID 83402-6003; 208-522-0700; www.melaleuca.com
New Dana Perfumes, 470 Oakhill Rd., Crestwood Industrial Park, Mountaintop, PA 18707; 800-822-8547
Olay (Procter & Gamble), P.O. Box 599, Cincinnati, OH 45201; 800-543-1745; www.oilofolay.com
Pantene (Procter & Gamble), 1 Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH 45202; 800-945-7768; www.pantene.com
Physique (Procter & Gamble), 1 Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH 45202; 800-214-8957; www.physique.com
Ponds (Unilever), 800 Sylvan Ave., Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632; 800-909-9493; www.ponds.com
Procter & Gamble Co. (Clairol, Crest, Gillette, Giorgio, Iams, Max Factor, Physique, Tide), 1 Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH 45202; 513-983-1100; 800-543-1745; www.pg.com
Reckitt Benckiser (Easy Off, Lysol, Mop & Glo, Old English, Resolve, Spray 'N Wash, Veet, Woolite), 399 Interpace Pkwy., Parsippany, NJ 07054; 973-633-3600; 800-333-3899; www.reckittbenckiser.com
Shiseido Cosmetics, 5-5, Ginza 7-chome, Chuo-k, Tokyo, 104-0061, Japan; 212-805-2300; www.shiseido.com
Schering-Plough (Bain de Soleil, Coppertone, Dr. Scholl's), 2000 Galloping Hill Rd., Kenilworth, NJ 07033-0530; 800-842-4090; www.sch-plough.com
S.C. Johnson (Drano, Edge, Fantastik, Glade, OFF!, Oust, Pledge, Scrubbing Bubbles, Shout, Skintimate, Windex, Ziploc), 1525 Howe St., Racine, WI 53403; 800-494-4855; www.scjohnson.com
Suave (Unilever), 800 Sylvan Ave., Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632; 212-888-1260; 800-782-8301; www.suave.com
Unilever (Axe, Dove, Lever Bros., Suave, Sunsilk), 800 Sylvan Ave., Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632; 212-888-1260; 800-598-1223; www.unilever.com
Vicks (Procter & Gamble), 1 Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH 45202; 513-983-1100; 800-543-1745; www.pg.com
and, of course, Iams the dog food company, for funding the mistreatment of dogs, cats, and other animals in the name of research. Screw you, Iams.
So, print the list and shop accordingly! Hitting these jerks in the wallet is the only thing they understand.
Yeah, I was in a mood. Animal abuse pisses me off.
I'd be surprised if an artist didn't develop Dr. No-Face. I'm always amazed at the intricacy of some characters and can imagine an artist taking a stiff drink before getting to work, but you don't even have to draw facial expressions with this guy.
Hey, who do you think is the worst character to have to draw over and over? I'm betting it was the Jack of Hearts:
See? If you had to draw the Jack of Hearts or Dr. No-Face a hundred times per issue, you'd go for the one where you didn't even have to draw ears.
I'm Batman. I am driven by my obsession for justice. I cling to the shadows and...
well, apparently, I like big-ass monuments to myself the size of Mount Rushmore.
Casey the Cop was the worst cop ever:
I don't care if I'm running a shooting range, if a cop sees someone entering my establishment with a firearm and suspicious intentions, I'd appreciate a little assistance before things start happening.
See you tomorrow!