Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Supergirl's Romance with a Mass of Protoplasm

Today's posts come courtesy of Action Comics #320, with Lois Lane, a serious journalist, a career woman who sets an example for young women by taking on the man's world on her own, uncompromising terms:


What's extra funny about that is who is telling her to go make lunch.  It's not like Thor is saying, "Fair wench, maketh me a sandwich!"  My own Beloved would happily make Thor a sandwich and give him a foot rub while he ate it.  But this is Clark Kent, who Lois hasn't exactly had the hots for over the previous twenty-five years.  But Clark is a man, and when a man says get to cookin'... well, Lois clearly knows her place.

Here's something I just don't think is possible:


Yeah, that's Superman disguised as the evil "Omni-Menace" and that's Samson.  Don't ask.  Anyway:


As I'm always looking to expand my intellectual horizons, I hit The Google to see if it was possible to have one's hair blown off one's head.  To my surprise, there was no autofill when I typed in this question.

I'm thinking that Samson's hair in particular, considering the legendary divine properties it supposedly had, would be attached even more than your average guy's pompadour.  So... Shenanigans! (tm!)

On to the Supergirl story.  Look, Supergirl's in love:


I'm just a young woman in my physical prime wearing a mini-skirt!  It's so amazing that he's attracted to me!

This just goes to show you that if you like someone, they can do no wrong and vice versa.  I guarantee you that if a three hundred pound kid with a hyperactive mucus gland slurped out that same, "Your beauty is super as well," line, Supergirl wouldn't find him so "gallant" and "charming."  I should know this, because I'm gallant and charming but women have always found me very easy to resist.

Anyhoo...


Hmmm... I see lots of cats in Supergirl's future.


Yeah, that was a total accident, I'm sure.  Oh, no!  You broke my heart and that ray just happened to be deflected in your specific direction!  The two events are totally unrelated, I assure you!  

Don't cross a woman, fellas.  They'll jack you up.


He's melting.  MELTING!


He's MELTING!  STILL MELTING!


MELTING!  MELTING!  BUT HE LOOOOOOVES YOU!

And then, in a startling turn of events:


Okay, maybe that last thing wasn't actually part of the story.  But how awesome would that have been?


I'll never forget you, Randor!

Annnnnd she never thinks or speaks of him ever again. 

 I presume the monument was pulverized when it collided with some other flying space rock.  That's the cruel truth about love and asteroid belts.

See you tomorrow!

2 comments:

Gene Phillips said...

Hey, don't doubt Superman's abilities as the founder of the "Anti-Hair Club for Men!"

Just listen to the testimony of Lex Luthor, a practicing mad scientist, and NOT an actor...

FENRISULFR said...

Actually, Samson's power wasn't in his hair but the fact that he kept the requirements of the Nazirite vow. That included not drinking wine or tasting anything that came from the vine. So eating a raisin would probably have lost him his power also. Samson's losing of his hair meant that the rules of the game had been broken and God withdrew the super human power He lent Samson. Remember his hair could be cut just as easily as that of an ordinary man. It wasn't like Superman's hair in those old stories where someone tries to cut it and it's "Oh my gosh! The scissors broke!" [That probably wouldn't happen. You ever try to break a pair of scissors with your bare hands?] So I don't see a problem with Omni Menace's hurricane breath whipping the hair off Samson like that. I remember that issue from long ago. I always thought there was something cool and mysterious about Omni Menace, ["from a time much further back than your own,"] makes me think he was something from the prehistoric Age of the Titans.