Monday, June 23, 2008

That Ain't No Way to Treat a Lady Cop Monday!

Bask in the glory. Bask, I tell you! First Issue Special #4 - Lady Cop:

First Issue Special was great for kids with ADD - they never had the same character or storyline for more than a single issue, no matter how many threads were left dangling. Such was the case for the most awesomely bad comic in the history of comics.

To really do this thing justice, I should just post every single page. But, my legal eagles advise me that this would probably exceed the Fair Use Doctrine, so I'll just hit you with the high points.

Young woman hides under bed while roommates are murdered. She remembers little of value, other than her very detailed account of the killer's footwear. Those dames and their shoes!

So, she joins the police department. That makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, she's not going to let this thing go until she finds out where the killer got those fabulous shoes!

But the life of a cop ain't as easy one. She doesn't even graduate from the police academy before confronting a whackjob with a grenade:

Two things: Grenades don't make that hissing noise, and why is the commandant so dang calm about the fact that someone tried to throw a grenade in his direction? Is this the Iraqi Police Academy, or the one with Steve Guttenberg and the guy who made the funny noises? Either way, I'm a little surprised that everyone's acting like they just busted a guy for jaywalking.

Uh-oh. Another bout of rooftop rape. Don't you just hate it when people are rapin' on your rooftop? It messes with the tv reception.

We aren't in the jungle? So, if we were in the jungle, sexual battery is okay? Hey, Tarzan, you'll never guess what I just found out! No, I'm totally serious! The cop just told me it's nice and legal as long as we don't leave the jungle!

Geez, guys, it's her first day. Can't you save the attempted gang-rape until later? Give her a chance to have her morning coffee first, wouldya?

But even though she's having the most action-packed first day in the history of law enforcement, there's always time to spend your meager salary paying for the ice cream of other people's children:

I knew it would take two days to cover it all. Tune in tomorrow, if you dare!


Allergy said...

Oh my, am I really first? Well, let me just say that, you know how when people are talking about race and they say "I don't care if someone is purple, green or any color?" I always used to think that was a real cop-out. But now, looking at that panel in the classroom, I see that there is a purple cop and a green cop! And another greenie looks on patronizingly as she is helped to her feet.

They were all kicked off the force, by the way, because none of them bothered to stop the grenade-throwing lunatic.

De said...

Icky-Wacky-Floy-Floy! That is one awful comic. And Lady Cop was brought into All-New Atom why?

Sea_of_Green said...

Well, Sockamagee! And this comic didn't last?! I'm SHOCKED! SHOCKED, I tell ya!

SallyP said...

Ahhhh...Lady Cop. Devon LOVES Lady Cop. And I swear to God, she showed up in the All-New Atom...I think. She also likes to give lectures about VD.