Friday, December 29, 2006

She *NOT* Useless! She's NOT! (ok, maybe)

Truer words were never spoken, Vic. If Sue is running around, you can assume that everyone this side of Hoppy the Marvel Bunny is up and kicking.

After the first year or so of the Fantastic Four, it was pretty apparent that Smilin' Stan Lee had created one of the most pathetic characters ever. Sue was getting taken hostage every other issue and, as you can see in previous posts, she just wasn't amounting to much.

Stan was trying everything. He would go from having Sue sneaking up on Dr. Doom and whomping on him with a vase to coming right out and saying she was a token female then to this:

Yup. Sue Storm is now slapping the taste out of Dr. Doom's mouth in hand-to-hand combat. Even Spider-Man never pulled that one off, but there twenty-something nonpowered Sue is, cracking open a six-pack of whoop-ass. After all, Reed is suddenly a sensai and he's taught Sue the martial arts, something that was never mentioned before or since because it's so ridiculous. The mind boggles at the thought of Reed taking judo lessons, never mind being a master at it.

Finally, you can see Stan give up:

There! She's got little fingers and she can sneak up on people! That's a power, isn't it?

The sad thing is, Stan missed an opportunity for Sue to actually be worth something. Check it out:

Okay, we have full-color, moving people. But, nope! Psyche! They weren't real at all! Johnny explains:

Stan just couldn't let go of the notion that the ability to generate flame is right up there with the ability to cast illusions. He tried it here and here, and it was stupid both times. Now, we're talking about full color, life-sized animated models of not just himself in his flaming form, but Reed and Ben as well. Give it up, Stan! I've got news for you, Daddy-O! Mirages simply do not work that way! Dig?

As long as we're stretching science, why not give that talent to Sue? We learned in Predator that invisibility can be based on light-refraction (and two of the people in that movie were elected to public office, so there must be something to it). Why not use the concept of light refraction to make someone appear in a different location than they actually are? My inner nerd seethes!
For one brief moment, let's really see Sue as she is:

Heh. I'm so tempted to make this my avitar.


SallyP said...

Yes! Sue was taught judo by that master of the arts, Reed Richards! Perhaps that is why she is smacking Victor with her chest. I suppose that we should be grateful that she's not wearing a thong while she's doing it.

Michael Jones said...

What! Sonny Bono was in "Predator"? Oh you mean, "Jesse & Arnold."
In the FF movie, why did Sue strip naked as a effective means of escape? Stan Lee would've had a field day with that exposee.

Anonymous said...

If the Lizard Men had got their hands on Susan Storm, the girl would have been far more than just a slave to them!