Monday, June 22, 2015

In Which I Find Myself Rooting for Villains Again

I've hit a bit of a dry spell on the Batman comics, as you might expect.  We're getting out of the Silver Age, so we may have to switch over to a different "big" title.  Any suggestions?  I don't think we've done Superman yet, but we haven't touched a Marvel book in a long time.  Any ideas?  Think about it and let's check out Bulletman #5:

Is Bulletgirl falling asleep back there?  I think she is.  She must be as bored with herself as the rest of us are.

Anyway, check out this villain:

Yes... it's The Dude.  Make your own The Big Lebowski joke here.

Over the course of this here comic book fun house, we've unearthed the Fop and the Dandy, and now we have the Dude.  We have found the Holy Trinity, my friends.

Hmmmm... Dude, I think the Joker wants to speak with you about stealing his "poison from flower on boutonniere" trick.

Well... it's nice of you to straighten out the dead man's clothing, but what the heck kind of reverse dickey are you wearing?  I mean, your collar and tie don't seem to be attached to an actual shirt.

Seriously, look at his neck up there!  I see skin where I shouldn't see skin if the man is truly wearing a buttoned shirt.  I expect more from a man who won't leave a corpse sloppily dressed.

He also had this:

And an electric cane.

And, since he's not an infant, he beat up Bulletgirl:

You know, it's hard for me to take Bulletman seriously when he's all upset at a guy called, "The Dude."  I don't know why it works when Batman refers to the Joker and it doesn't work here, but it doesn't.  How do you shout at your foe without sounding like a Southern California surfer?

"Dude!  Duuuuuuuuude!  I'm gonna getcha, Duuuuuuuude!"

Yeah, that doesn't work at all.

In another story, we have a villain whose gimmick is that he's fat.

Yes, that's it.

And he murders people who call him fat, which I think falls under "justifiable homicide," but the District Attorney doesn't seem to agree with me.

Oh, and because he's not an infant....

... he beats up Bulletgirl.

To be fair, he also beats up Bulletman:

For the record, Bulletman's artificially augmented physical abilities and his fancy anti-gravity helmet were no match for a portly, middle-aged man.

In other words, *I* could beat up Bulletman.

What finally does him in?

Well, it wasn't Bulletman.  They had to show him tripping over something and knocking himself out.  Because he's overweight.  That's what it takes to defeat an overweight person.  You just hope they trip over something and knock themselves out.  Everyone knows that.

And, of course, Bulletman and Bulletgirl made fun of the guy's weight all throughout the story because that's perfectly okay.  Fat people are always fair game for ridicule, right?

See you tomorrow!


wordsmith said...

I've only read a few, but Superman's books of '65-'70 were/are laughably awful--I think you'll find a rich vein to mine there (and I'm a big Supes fan).

Thanks for doing this every weekday; I still get a big kick out of it.

Wayne Allen Sallee said...

Since you sometimes go alphabetical, Adam, I keep meaning to send you the covers from from Captain Atom (from the Action Heroes Archives). They had contests to give away Mustang cars and trips to Disneyland and, well, you'll see...

And I'm throwing in my hat for Red Bee again. Or Blue Beetle. Or you could cover CONVERGENCE and make everybody leave your blog, ha.

Adam Barnett said...

I think I've tapped Blue Beetle, Wayne. But I haven't gone all the way through the Red Bee, so I'm sure we'll be some things. I had some old Captain Atom stuff I did some time back, but I think my supply was very limited.

I'll probably start basing things on Superman until I can get my hands on some Marvel Silver Age stuff. The old FF and Avengers days were pretty fun!

Unknown said...

Just more violent weird stuff like early Archie hero stuff. The Comet certainly starts out extreme. In the early Marvel Mystery Comics the Human Torch would be throwing fireballs after bad guys on the run and when they hit their target and caused them to get die in a crash (or a fiery mess) he would say something like, 'Oh, well, I guess we saved the state some court costs.' Then there is the 2nd Marvel Boy in USA #7. The Grand Comic Database says it's a continuation of the character from Daring Mystery Comics #6 but I say they're different characters. Maybe they haven't actually read them. The 1st MB is the reincarnation of Hercules, the 2nd gets cut on a field trip to see the mummy of Hercules. A bully knocks him over and he gets cut on the sarcophagus (I think. It's long gone.) which causing him to get some mummy dust on him. Even on microfiche it would be worth reading. It's just so bad. The henchmen wear yellow sweatshirts with big swastikas. No wonder the Nazis lost if they couldn't be any stealthier than that.

Adam Barnett said...

Some good suggestions, Unknown! I happened to get the Marvel Boy origin in an earlier post, but I'll see if I can find more Archie hero weirdness!
For Marvel Boy: