I was a "Kiss and Tell" Girl. And by Some Definitions, I was a Floozy.

Dear Ones, I'm afraid I'll be taking next week off for the Thanksgiving holiday.  So, we won't get back together until Monday, December 1st.  Meanwhile, let's head into next week in love's sweet embrace, courtesy of Boy Meets Girl #2:

And as the cover shows us, once the girl has the diamond, the boy isn't really an important part of the picture.

I also noticed that while this was a Comics Code compliant book, it's listed as "not for children."  I admit I'm confused.

Although I have to admit that Elaine, the "Kiss and Tell Girl," is pretty frank about her encounters:

Every dude's worst nightmare right there, ladies.  Although Elaine is a pretty free spirit for 1950.  Then again, Grease is loaded with sexual content (all of which went over my head when I first saw it in the movie theater and bought the album because I'm a huge Sha Na Na fan), so maybe we're just seeing how it really was.

Anyway, Elaine is that girl that has to bag every guy around to prove that she is the top girl in the universe.  Here she is luring poor Ted into her Web of Deception and Sexual Performance Critiques:

That exchange almost bordered on Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) if you read it in a breathy tone of voice.

... And by "cramming," I mean....

Oh.  He meant studying.  This is a 1950 book.  They might have gotten the term "made love" past the Comics Code, but I guess we can't be coarse.

Here's my favorite scene ever:

Yeah, Elaine!  Think about that as you live out your days as a barfly!

Elaine must have really sticky tears for it to stay on her face from the porch scene with Ted all the way back into her bedroom.  Maybe it's a teardrop tattoo, like she's been in the penitentiary and she had a close friend take a shank in the gut.  It's fun to think about this sort of thing, don't you think?

Hold on!  Here's the moral of the story:

So just be honest, and kind, and...

... thin.  Only thin people deserve love.

Wow, romance comics make this blog easy.

See you on December 1st, my lovelies!  Stay safe!

Batman and the KING OF ALL GORILLAS

Let's take a looksee at Batman #136:

A ring of fire, you say?

You can't expect me resist a set-up like that.  And, for the record, the comic was about 3 years before the song, soooooo Comics Did It First! (tm)

But before we get to that particular tale (if we do at all), let's check out the opening story, which may very well be the greatest Batman story ever.  Just let me give you a few samples:

Yes.  It begins with Batman and Robin heading down a random alleyway and encountering a sentient robot.

Yeah!

But then we had this:

And where do you go from there?  Why, a gorilla king holding court in his castle, of course!

And yes, that was Batman on horseback.

Nothing could make this story any more awesome.

Well, except that.

I know.  Comics are bitchin'.

See you tomorrow!

I Readily Believe that is the Largest Snake Captain America has Ever Seen.

So, I was taking a glance at Golden Age Captain America #20....

Okay, but how large can it....

Jitterbugging Jenny McCarthy, that's awesome!

You don't see enough heroes fighting gigantic snakes.  You just don't.

But I can certainly live a happy and fulfilled life if I never see this again:

Yeah.  That happened.

But check out who was behind it:

And nopes, he's not the same Dr. Destiny that has been causing problems for the Justice League since 1961!  We have a Recycled Name here, folks! (tm!)

When you think of Dr. Destiny, you think of this guy:

Clearly, he's more awesome than his Golden Age namesake, but he wasn't the first.  Although neither one of them seemed to actually warrant the name, in that they didn't really affect anyone's destiny any more than the rest of us do.  I mean, the second Dr. Destiny could fiddle with reality, but that's more of a "here and now," thing that only incidentally affects destiny.

I'm overthinking it again, aren't I?

See you tomorrow!

The Awesome Origin of... Who IS This Guy?

Okay, this is just awful.  And, just in case you want to read the whole thing for yourselves to see how terrible it is, it's from Batman #135:

As we've seen, Batman has had some pretty lame villains, and I'm not even saying this guy is the worst.

But he's still pretty bad.  And here's his not-so-awesome origin:

Okay, caught by Batman when Bats raided a gambling den, sent to prison, already has the nickname "Wheels" for some reason, vehicle busts through gate at prison:

I'm not a big believer in omens, and that one is really pushing it.  Anyhoo, as you might suspect, old Frank puts on a ridiculous outfit and starts acting like an idiot:

Yes, I'm afraid those are roller skates on his feet.  Not even Iron Man looks cool when roller skates are involved, although he totally has them.   The Spinner is looking more and more badass by the minute in comparison.

Okay, Robin, but why?  Why did you hop on that old-timey bicycle to confront armed criminals?  That is one of the least-maneuverable conveyances ever constructed, and you're perched right on top of it.

And then this happened:

Yes, Batman and Robin were held at bay by a pinwheel.

And it got worse:

As mind boggling as it is, note that Batman and Robin were defeated and captured at one point in their careers by....

by....

Jeez Louise, I don't think this guy even had a super villain name!

Enough of this.  It's making me sad.  See you tomorrow!

In Which Batman Fears Spear Guns and Little Red Kites

 Back to the comic book funhouse!

Dear Batman and Robin,

It isn't as easy as you thought, is it?  Remember that the next time you go off on a Justice League mission and leave me on monitor duty AGAIN.

Love,

Aquaman

I would show you more of the Sea Fox story but it was just so dang dull.  The only thing noteworthy about it is that he and his henchmen fired spear guns, which really freaked the boys out:

And I'm not saying that a shot from a spear gun would feel all cottony-soft or anything, but Bats and Robs shouldn't be so skittish, considering they regularly voluntarily place themselves in situations where bullets are flying all over the place.  If having a tommy gun clip emptied in my direction doesn't make me soil myself and run home as quickly as my legs will carry me, I can't imagine that a shot from a spear gun would be my Achilles heel.  I guess everyone has their thing.

Here's the origin of.... ugh... I don't know if I can say it.  Here it is, from Batman #134

If they're the funniest act in show business, I can only tell you that Gotham City must be starved for comedy.

But Danny, being an artist, is misunderstood (as most artists are):

and Danny is apparently a big baby who way overreacts when his feelings are hurt (as most artists are):

But "The Dummy" (whew, I was able to say it) just didn't have the chops to make it as a Batman villain.  For instance, you know how most of the mentally unbalanced people in Arkham Asylum generally kill their own henchmen for the slightest of reasons?  This is what The Dummy does:

Yeah, he kicks you in the shins.  Considering what the Joker has done to some of his cronies, I'd be sticking with the Dummy whether he was paying me plenty or not.  But it's interesting to see such the spiritual ancestor of the awesome Ventriloquist and Scarface:

Now that was a great character.

Then again, Batman didn't always warrant top-shelf villains, you know what I mean?  Exhibit A: This little moment from Batman #133:

Yup.  Batman was taken down by Kite-Man.  With a little red kite.

As much as I love Bats, and I do (for over 40 years now!), let us never forget that the Dark Knight once lost to Kite-Man.  And his little red kite.

See you tomorrow!

Batman Doesn't Know Beans About Dogs

And we're back to Batman, checking out issue #131: 

I don't really know the rhyme or reason of Bat-Hound being with Batman and Robin.  He actually has a home with someone else, so I'm not sure why he shows up every so often.

Well, no kidding, Sherlock.  He was just shot!

No, I don't think it's amnesia.  I think he knows quite well who you are.  You are the a-holes that put a cloth on his head, limiting his field of vision, and brought him into a situation where he got shot.  He wasn't aware the latter part of that was a possibility until... well, just a second ago, when he got shot.  He knows who you are.  He just doesn't want to have anything to do with you any more because dogs aren't stupid.

Okay, I want to know what kind of operation you give a dog that takes away his amnesia.  I'm not in the animal care field, but you can consider me skeptical.

Moving on:

That may be a perfectly innocent statement here in England, but in the US of A, it's Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

And here's more:

It's the "deer in the headlights" look on the kid's face that sells it.

This story appeared in a hardcover collection called Batman from the 40s to the 70s or something like that.  And this always bugged me:

It seems like Dick went to a heck of a lot of trouble there.  He scratches out letters on a penny hoping that Bruce will notice it and put together the phonetic message.  That, my friends, is pushing it.  I'm not saying Dick had to do the obvious thing like simply leave a note saying, "I'll be at the old Mica Quarry" or something like that (although he totally should have), but it seems like that's a lot of wasted effort.

That Batman from the 40s to the 70s book disappeared on me when my parents moved, but I found a replacement copy on Ebay.  I also found the Superman version.  I'd love to have the Shazam! version, but a used copy of that will run you around fifty bucks and... well, I'm married now so... you know...

See you Monday!

Your Only Possible Career is as Sweetheart, Wife and Mother!

As threatened promised, here's the rest of the awesomeness that is Boy Meets Girl #1:

Hmmmm.... somehow, I can't help but think you can only get away with that if you're a doctor.  "No girl is ever offended by love... love that has the promise of a lifestyle in a high income bracket."

Hmmmm... the Affordable Care Act has really caused physicians to get creative with their payment options.

Let's take a moment for a CMNS Moment... of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!):

This has been a CMNS Moment... of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

My friends, if you ever believe anything that is said to you in a comic book, you can believe what Kay just said.

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

Hmmmmm... it sounds like an unfair comparison.  Booya!

See you tomorrow!