Dear Ones, I'm so glad you could this moment with me today. Today, you see, is the day Comics Make No Sense becomes part of mainstream pop culture.
How, you say? Well, there are so many quotable quotes in today's post that at least one of them will become the latest cool thing to say. Which one, I don't know, but there will be at least one. You can bet on that. From All-Select #2:
I'm going to say this one every time I have a passenger in the car with me. It's going to replace "Atomic batteries to power! Turbines to speed!" Yup. Everywhere I go, it's going to be "with a load of meat and a hunch."
These panels are from the Human Torch story, by the way. You non-comic nerds know about the Torch in the Fantastic Four, but there was an entirely-different-yet-with-the-exact-same-powers character back in the 1930's and then some. He had a sidekick named "Toro." That's Spanish for "Bull," so it really wasn't applicable (but then again, neither was "Bucky."):
Yeah, when it came to being an escape artist, the Torch wasn't exactly Harry Houdini. That's why the bad guys in his stories usually overlooked small details like leaving a sharp hacking weapon in a glass cage.
But the dialogue rocked. Sure, Gail Simone and Cristos Gage are great these days, but could they crank it out like this?:
I'm going to get you!
How can I get away?
It puts you right in the middle of all the action, doesn't it?
And you could count on Toro to give plenty of Fun with Out-of-Context Dialogue!(tm!), as was required by all boy sidekicks of the day:
And you could even count on the Torch himself to help out:
Wow. It's not even my birthday.
Had enough? I didn't think so!
But I do not want to go to jail! Try this on your appetite!
By now, I can't believe I've never seen anyone else post these panels before. I feel like Neal Armstrong.
Back in the Golden Age, comics were actually pretty gross at times (kind of like they are today). But even before the Comics Code cleaned up everything to the point of silliness, the writers of the Torch were told that he couldn't actually burn his enemies.
Because that's too cruel. The burning. You know, because it really really hurts.
Keep that in mind as you read this:
Yeah, getting your throat impaled by a meat hook? That's fine.
But it's Toro's last line that, frankly, makes me laugh:
It's an obvious thing to say, but you rarely get that in comics. Usually, it's just kind of a given that someone else is going to have to clean up the bad guy's corpse, so what do we care? But, yeah... I'll bet it was quite a mess!
The facial expression is killing me, too.... he looks like someone just asked him to give Jack Nicholson a sponge bath.
See you tomorrow!