Metaphor Mixing Monday!

Here, we see Lenny's buddy mixing the metaphors, but it's harmless, because whether you are cutting the cheese, passing the gas, or (like Lenny's buddy apparently likes to say) cutting the gas, it all means the same thing.

Now, why he's telling Lenny to fart at that particular moment is anyone's guess.

Mr. Fantastic Finally Earns His Name

Never before, nor never again, will you see someone able to write a check to post bail. I know Reed discovered the Negative Zone and everything, but getting the cops to take a check for bond money is easily the most awesome thing ever put on paper.

Ben Grimm, Dancing Machine pt. 2

Say what you will about Civil War, but I'll gladly put up with Clor because they gave me the return of Ben Grimm, Dancing Machine!

I'm Not Trying to Tell You How To Run Your Railroad, pt. 8

Okay, so let me follow this... tying up Johnny does no good if he flames on. But we don't have to worry about him flaming on because he's been tranquilized.

So, why tie him up at all? He's tranquilized!

Ineffeciency is the hobgoblin of world conquest, you know....

Say that Again? pt 2

It seems like Johnny's being kind of a schmuck here. Yeah, Reed, I guess if you can smile with your troubles, I can buck up. I mean, if I were you, I'd throw myself under a bus...

That Can't Be What It Looks Like, pt 6

I know this is supposed to be a pitched battle and all, but don't the Sandman and the Thing look like they're square-dancing? They seem pretty happy about the whole situation.

Seriously.... look at the expression on their faces.... bow to yer partner in a dosey-do....

Taken Out of Context, It's EXTRA Funny!

A leviathan truly is astir where the sun dares not shine! Especially if I've been eating Mexican food!

Before you send me angry letters, note that I waited until over 350 posts had gone by before I made my first poop joke....

History in Comics

I could point out that once again, Reed is drawn with two left hands (how hard is it to keep track of giving a character one lefty and one righty?), but instead, I'm going to point out that Richard Nixon is given equal billing with Galactus. Let history be the judge!

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 19

Quick change to suit your mood at any time.... because sometimes, I'm in the mood for a beard toupee glued to my face.

That Can't Be What It Looks Like, pt 5

I'm trying to give Reed the benefit of the doubt here, but that's a really strange thing to say.... especially when I can't see what his right hand is doing.

Ben Grimm, Warrior

I've never seen Ben spank a bad guy before. That's good stuff.

Then again, how mad can he be at a guy who used to be known as Paste-Pot Pete?

Problems at Home, Stan? pt 7

I'm really not taking this statement out of context. What kind of things is she talking about, exactly? I'm sure Stan didn't mean for it to sound this way, but if you make it dirty, it's hilarious.

I Have an Answer! pt. 2

why?
why?
WHY has He Captured Sue Storm?

Probably peer pressure. I mean, who hasn't captured Sue Storm at one time or another? I accidentally captured her twice when I was picking up the newspaper off the driveway this morning. You see everyone else doing something and you figure it's the thing to do, no matter how inappropriate it is ... the same reason white kids listen to rap.

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 18

This is probably one of the most famous comic book ads ever. What always bothered me about this is that Mac gets himself pumped up, goes back to the beach, and then takes an unprovoked swing at the guy who bullied him earlier. These are the problems that no one ever seemed to notice:

A) The bully only threatened Mac before. He didn't hit him. Mac is the one who escalated the episode to violence. A grab of the arm does not justify a punch in the face. We can't argue that the threat justified the punch, either, because the threat was actually not to hit him, because Mac was so skinny.

B) When Mac re-encountered the Bully, Mac just sucker-punches him. This, ladies and gents, is the Hero of the Beach.

Please do not consider this a morality play, kiddies. Just go work out, and you'll get the attention of fickle women, especially if you flash a large wad of money. Punching a guy out isn't necessary.

Well, Sure, BUT...... pt 2

Oh, Sue, you must be a wildcat in the boudoir, because Reed sure isn't keeping you around for your contributions to his scientific pursuits.

It's not that there isn't oxygen in water, it's that our bodies can't process it. Did you grow a set of gills or something in between issues? If not, I'd say this is the perfect time to panic!

Hospital Drama Day!

For all you fans of the medical drama.... I'm not one of them, but never let it be said that I don't pander to my readers!


I'd say it's a case of total exhaustion! Wow, Doc, I hope you don't make that diagnosis on every unconscious person that comes into your emergency room. I can just see it: This man has a gaping chest wound, but I know he's going through a nasty divorce.... I'd say it's a case of total exhaustion!


We can't just let him kill himself! Waitasec.... we aren't in Oregon, are we? No? Then we can't just let him kill himself!



Reed, aren't your legs always like rubber? I mean, that's your super-power and all....

Reed Richards, Master Tactitian...pt.4

I think Reed could come up with less-revealing code names for battle plans. Is there any way an enemy couldn't figure out what plan "T for 'Taunt'" consists of?

And why does that strategy even need its own name, anyway? Ben! Execute plan "P for 'Punch Him in the Face!'" Are they not allowed to do anything unless Reed has given it hours of thought beforehand?

Kneel Before the Junk of Galactus!

Why, oh why, does the guy capable of devouring entire worlds not have the wherewithal to find a pair of pants? Granted, it would have to be a very large pair of pants, but still....

My worst suspicions were confirmed when I saw this guy pass out at the sight of what is under Galactus's kilt....

"Galactus Unleashed," indeed! Fear the Wang of the Power Cosmic!

The Big Money in Cartooning

That's right, friends and neighbors! There's big money in cartooning!

I put this up as a funny for the hundreds of cartoonists on the 'net who don't make a dime. If there's big money out there, no one I know has found any.

What Did You Just Say?, pt 5

I will admit that the logic of what Crystal is saying eludes me. She is the most powerful Inhuman, so naturally she's going to betray the FF? I don't see the correlation.

I am going to fart in this crowded elevator, and you will all have to smell it, for I am the best sudoku player in the tri-county area!

Considering that in the past she's had to play French maid to Johnny and beg Reed not to send her on a long journey naked, Crystal had plenty of legitimate reasons to smack around the FF....no need to make a stretch.

Costume Hall of Shame - Black Racer

As a character, it was a very neat idea to have a Vietnam veteran assume the mantle of the Angel of Death. It was also cool that his appearance always meant the death of a character.

But skis? Skis aren't cool. Ever. I guess Jack Kirby was feeling cocky when he hit a homer with the Silver Surfer, but any mode of transportation where you have to hold a stick in each hand to keep from falling flat on your face just ain't awe-inspiring, especially for an Angel of Death.

I'm Not Proud of This Joke...pt.3

It's getting bigger! Harder! And covering me with white stuff!

Oh, my.... oh, my, my, my.

Once again, I'd just like to apologize to everyone, including myself, who rightfully assumes I'm capable of much better than this.

But Stan makes it so dang easy sometimes!

Whoopsie!

Okay, let's see how far they got into Captain Marvel Jr. before they accidentally write Freddy or Jr. saying the magic word without having the lightning come down.

That would be halfway through the first story of the first issue. That didn't take long, did it?

This slays me..... the whole gag is that Jr. couldn't say his name without bringing down the lightning, but here he is, shouting it at the top of his lungs.

I would think, however, that after he accidentally made the lightning strike him for the hundredth time, he'd shout out something from the Sports section....

You Aren't Really Part of the Crowd When....

.... at any point in time, they make you wear an apron and say double-entendre lines like, "More hot BUNS, Johnny?"

I mean, they put the word "buns" in bold. This is hardly my fault.

J to the O to the H to the.... aw, who cares?

Johnny doesn't give a rap for Maximus, the Great Refuge, or dudes who literally have the ass of a horse. He only kicks it Old School.... word!

Do you think Stan wanted him to say "crap" but was afraid he wouldn't get it past the Comics Code? I've never heard anyone say they don't give a rap, but I've heard puh-lenty of folks say they don't give a crap.

Boring Administrative Note Number 7

Aaaaaaand we're back! Boy, did I miss you guys! Thanks for your well-wishes and such. It was a great trip, but it's much better to be back.

It's interesting that logging in to post comments was a drag for some folks.... I never noticed because I have to log in every time to leave these little num-nums, so I'm glad someone spoke up, so there are two changes when it comes to commenting:

1) You can now post anonymously. I'd love it if you'd sign your posts just so I know who ya are, but I'd rather you say something anonymously than not at all, so there ya go;

2) Comments will now be posted and readable in a new window, so it'll be easier to go back and forth.

Thanks for your suggestions, and for putting up with no new posts while I was gone.

Adam

Vacation Time!

Sue is right.... Adam needs a little time to unwind.

So, dear ones, I am taking a break for the next two weeks to get caught up on life and relax a bit. Does this mean I'm through writing this blog? You wish!

Nope, there will be a brand spankin' new post on Wednesday, April 18th and the regular schedule will resume, so mark your calendars. I'm going to be offline between now and then, so let me wish you a great Easter holiday now.

And again, let me tell you how much I enjoy doing this blog, and how much I appreciate all of you reading it. Thank you for joining me in the fun!

-adam

Learn Safety with Sue Richards

Girls, never turn your back on someone wearing the same outfit as you. Chicks take that kind of thing very seriously and you never know what they'll do, as Sue demonstrates.

I'm Not Saying I Could Do Any Better.... pt 6

but what is up with the expression on Reed's face there? I'm afraid it has something to do with the fact that his face just whizzed past another man's groin, but I'm desperately hoping it was something else.

My Super-Villain Origin, pt 3

This is a shot of my Halloween costume I just found on the digital camera. I wouldn't wear the mask if it was a little kid, but if you were old enough to be in junior high and you were looking to score some free candy, I was going to get some entertainment value in return. Lawyers call that quid pro quo. Never let it be said I don't provide infotainment.

What Did You Just Say?, pt 4

I'm not sure what "Up the FF" means. I would think it's a sign of support, like "Go Team!" But here, is he saying he wants to insert something rectally times four?

Excuse me, Fringe Jacket, you want to clarify your intentions? I can't determine everything by that nifty Beatle haircut you've got going on there.

Too Much Information!

Ok, Ben, you may be a swinger, but that's the kind of thing you either keep to yourself or put on your MySpace page....

Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 17

Or should I say, wouldn't you buy this ten times over? Screw the "Tickle Me Elmo," I want a "Tickle Me Ben Grimm!"

Problems at Home, Stan? pt 6

How is it that Reed and Sue weren't in marital counseling by the 18th issue?

Character Hall of Shame- Looker

Did they kill her off? Someone tell me they killed her off.

A redhead with mental powers. Gee, she's nothing like Jean Grey.... you know, the redhead with mental powers?

What I found extra annoying about her was that she had this inflated sense of how attractive she was. I'm the first to acknowledge that beauty is entirely subjective, but if you want me to believe that everyone is falling all over some chick, don't let her be drawn by Jim Aparo. She always reminded me of those girls who flirt with everyone because they have a low self-image and don't think they can get attention any other way.

They killed her off, didn't they? And if not, why not?

Professionalism in Comics

They oughta lock you up and throw away the key!

That's some mighty fair and objective journalism. Screw due process!

That guy probably works for Fox News.

Reed Richards, Master Tactitian...pt.3

Save yourselves.... somehow!

Well, you can't accuse Reed of micro-managing, can you? Sooooooo specific.

Reed and Sue Richards, Rednecks pt. 4

But I thought...

Don't think! Just do what I tell you!

I won't fail you, darling!

Wow.... Much as she annoys me, someone needs to give Sue a pamphlet on abusive relationships.

Costume Hall of Shame - Black Goliath

The only reason this guy didn't end up in the Character Hall of Shame is that he changed his name to Giant-Man and actually had a pretty cool costume after this one.

What is with that window pane over the stomach? If I wore something like that, it would look like someone squeezing a tube of cookie dough.

And I always hate that huge collar, no matter who is wearing it. You know, when your fighting for your life on a regular basis, I would think that peripherial vision might be something to strive for. Not with this guy.