Fear the Pencil-Thin Mustache of... The Sinister!

Sorry about missing yesterday's post, my lovelies.  This has been quite a week, and it's just gonna happen sometimes.  Better to take a missed day than to stress out about it.  If I forgive myself for the occasional missed day, that'll contribute to the overall longevity of the blog.  If Mike Sterling can do it, so can I.

So rest assured that a missed post means nothing more than "Adam had a busy day yesterday." 

So, although I'm running very low on time today, I did have the chance to peruse All-Flash Quarterly #16.

First, this issue stars a gangster called "The Sinister," which seems like a rather incomplete name.  The Sinister what?  But I can forgive that, because he had the greatest villain mugshot I've ever seen:

That's right... and the horse you rode in on!

This was actually a pretty fun tale wherein the Three Dimwits actually get a license to practice law.  Being of the lawyerly occupationin' myself, this caught my eye.

And frankly, I believed that they made their way through correspondence law school because I went to an actual law school and I saw some people get through that who could have been a descendant of Winky, Blinky or Noddy.

But they went a little too far:

Okay, there's a world of difference between making your way through law school and passing a state bar exam.  Bar exams are, to quote Shakespeare, "A MAMMA JAMMA!"  There is no way those guys passed a bar exam.  Not even the one in Arkansas.

I kid, I kid.  Go, Razorbacks!  

At first, they go chasing ambulances.  Literally.  But what piqued my interest was this exchange:

What?  I mean, there are rules about advertising, but you can certainly use advertising.  I wonder if that was really the case back then? 

I can't possibly imagine a world where there are rules that would prevent things like this:

That was pure genius.

Anyhoo, the Dimwits get hired by the Sinister to get him put in jail for 30 days so he can have an alibi.  Hilarity ensues:

It was actually a pretty good tale.  The Dimwits can make me laugh.  Instead of getting the Sinister put in jail like he wanted, they kept getting themselves thrown in jail for their contemptuous behavior.  Good stuff.

Sorry I'm a little scattered, but hey.  It is what it is.

Even a Girl Can Ride Him!

Hey, hey!  It's time for more Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) courtesy of Superboy V1, #2, from contributor Robert Gillis!

Yes, that would be awkward.

Pronouns are awesome.

And that issue was a two-fer!  Thusly:

Wambo readily agreed the taming was totally worth it.

Thanks again, Robert!

Taking a gander at Amazing Spider-Man #269, with a very special....

Wheatcakes.... Monochrome Edition! (tm!)

WHEATCAKES!

And since it's a Spider-Man story, you know what it needs?

An installment of We Get It!(tm!)

Yeah, yeah... Uncle Ben died because you failed to act.  We almost forgot it for half an issue.

We GET It! (tm!)

Well, now Pete's just being silly.

But I'm feeling generous.

WHEATCAKES! (tm!)

I'm a Loner, Dottie... A Rebel!

Very few people would try to argue that the roughly five years between the introduction of the alien symbiote costume and the first appearance of Venom in the pages of Amazing Spider-Man were critical years in Spider-Man lore.

There is a very good reason for that.

Amazing #266 has the relationship/partnership between Spidey and the Black Cat finally coming to an end.  Thusly:

And thank goodness for that.  I'm not a fan of the character.  At her best, she's a Catwoman rip-off and the two had zero chemistry.  When she literally only likes you when you're wearing a full face mask?  There's probably a pronounced absence of real attraction there.

Anyway, we don't get that partnership buried before we're handed a potential pairing that's just downright silly in the form of the Toad from X-Men:

And there's nothing wrong with that kind of story, I suppose.  Had it not been done a mere three issues earlier:

Maybe they're thinking that we were all so scarred by Red 9 that we purged everything from our memories:

Although the issue does acknowledge an embrace it's self-plagiarism when the Spectacular Spider-Kid shows up:

Did I mention Frog-Man was there?  Yet another guy that wanted to be Spidey's partner? 

It was surprising that, considering all the bad press Pete got, that so many folks wanted to hitch their wagon to his star. But that had happened as far back as the Gibbon from issue #110:

He wanted to be Spidey's partner as well.  But at least that was 13 years prior.

But no, Pete works alone.  Unless you count the Avengers and nearly 150 issues of Marvel Team-Up where he sidled up with nearly every character in the Marvel Universe at one time or another.  But no!  He works alone.

Except when he doesn't. 

And word has it that in the next Spider-Man movie, that's going to be the plot device. Everything old is new again!

They made it look like the Toad, Frog-Man and Spider-Kid were going to form a team called "The Misfits," which never materialized to my knowledge.  I would have bought the heck out of a book starring the Toad, Frog-Man and Spider-Kid.

See you Tomorrow!

Has Pete Ever Told You His Origin Story? He Has? Want to Hear it AGAIN?

More fun with Amazing Spider-Man #261... fun of the with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!)  kind!

Boy, we've all been there, haven't we, fellas?

Heh... that was a little blue.  Then again, that's what makes it FUN!  ... with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!)

I believe we're getting the set up for a Random Slap (tm!) , but after yesterday's false start I want to be sure...

... we have the windup... annnnnnnddd...

Yes!  We have a Random Slap... Special Back of  Everyone's Head Edition! (tm!)

And I plow into Amazing Spider-Man #162 and, as often happens, I regret not starting a meme earlier.

Here's the thing: We are subject to a flashback regarding Pete's origin on a regular basis.  And I mean a regular basis.  I wish I had the oomph to go back and catch them all, but I'm not going through 261 issues all over again, so we'll just have to start here with a new CMNS meme I like to call...

We GET It! (tm!)

Yeah, yeah... failed to stop the burglar that later killed his uncle.  We GET It! (tm!)

That issue had one of your better photo covers...

This goes into the Cover Hall of Fame not only because it was well-done, but also because it actually related to the interior story, which was indeed about Pete tracking down a photographer who took a pic of him mid-change.  Nicely done!

Who is the model for the cover?  I'm sure someone knows, but I've no idea.  The cover is credited to Elliot Brown.  A bit more on the origins (and the unused art that was at the ready in case the photo tanked) can be found here .  

That's it for today!  I'll see you Monday!

Betty Brandt Leeds Eats Asparagus and the Hobgoblin Washes His Hand in a Public Restroom Toilet

I finally got around to seeing The Amazing Spider-Man movie, and it was... okay.  I couldn't help but think that Emma Stone should have been Mary Jane in the previous movies and Kirsten Whats-her-face  should have been Gwen Stacy in this one.  All in all, it was much more like a "comic book brought to life," with all the pros and cons that would involve.

And I was reading the "Alien Costume Saga" issues of Amazing Spider-Man (from 252 to 259 or therebouts) and didn't see much that was funny.  I don't know if it's because I've re-read those particular issues too many time or...

Hold up....

Change that... I believe we have a Random Bitch...

Whoops. False alarm.  No, there was nothing.  It was a good story in it's day.  I remember we all thought the whole idea of the costume that could morph like that was awesome, and we must have been right because symbiotes pop up all the time in Spider-Man lore.

But not just yet.  Here we check out Amazing Spider-Man #260, which has an interesting segue...

First, we see Disembodied Floating Heads! (tm!)

Which morphs into Disembodied Floating Bodies (tm!) as well as Disembodied Punctuation Marks (tm!)

And then finally, just Disembodied Punctuation Marks (tm!)

Followed by a shot of Betty Brandt Leeds answering the phone with a piece of white asparagus in her mouth....

That isn't a bad snack choice, but white asparagus ain't cheap, so you should really take the time to enjoy it.  I'm just saying.

We had a pretty awesome fight scene with Peter and the not-yet-unmasked Hobgoblin fighting in a ladies' room and Hobby getting socked into a toilet:

I'm not certain, but if there is an earlier depiction of a character sitting on a toilet in a "Big Two" book, I don't know when it was.  We may have a Moment in Comic Book History (tm!) there, albeit unconfirmed.

But I am sure that it was followed by a Moment of Comic Book Greatness (tm!):

Yes, the Hobgoblin shoves his hand right down a toilet.  I mean, it makes sense that he'd use the water to try and get the webbing off, but I'd have to think my very life was in immediate jeopardy before I'd stick my hand in a public restroom toilet.  Granted, that one looks pretty clean, but still.... we have a Moment of Comic Book Greatness (tm!) here!

See you tomorrow!

"Catching an Arrow Shot From His Giant Bow" Just SOUNDS Crude

Here are some dandies from Action Comics #282 courtesy of CMNS pal Robert Gillis!

The thing about drawing rocket ships is you have to be careful because they could be construed as...

Yeah, that.  That right there.

Not enough time for the ladies in your life?  Why not use a robot?

Okay, I would never have anything call me master.  I find that distasteful.  I don't even refer to myself as my dogs' master... I am their "person."

But in any respect, exactly how far is this ruse gonna go?  I mean, if the date goes really well, what exactly happens here?  How advanced are these robots?  What exactly is the robot programmed to do? And who programmed the robot to do them?  Questions abound!

Awesome as always, Robert!  Thanks!

I saw this old Avengers cover the other day and it reminded me of my well-documented position that covers shouldn't have blurbs on them:

Now just imagine how awesome that would be if you got rid of the dialogue, the sound effects and the "The Coming of Red Wolf!" blurb.

In fact, we're going with yet another new CMNS meme.  We're calling it, Don't Talk or You'll Ruin It (tm!)

And I have to ask this... is Thor hearing impaired?  You've got a guy shouting and a dog howling maybe ten feet from your ears there.  Don't act like you don't see it.

Ah, well.  See you tomorrow!

Tin Cans in the Garbage Pile Are Just a Way of Saying "Heil!"

Rounding up my look at All-Flash Quarterly #15, I noticed that there were patriotic sayings printed at the bottom of the pages.  This is totally understandable (I mean, WWII was going on so God Bless anyone who helped the war effort) and most of them are good pieces of advice as to how everyone could do their part.

But since I'm Adam, I just had to share this one with you:

Point made, and that's pretty dang clever.

Anyway I was reading one of the three stories in there, and... well, we've all been unfortunate enough to sit in a movie theater with some idiot who talks to the screen.

I introduce our latest CMNS meme... The Intrusive Caption Box (tm!)

Okay, who is actually saying that?  There's no narrator to this story!

Well, now you're just interfering.  Being a narrator in a story is like filming a nature documentary.  No matter how much you would like to, you can't interfere.

Enough of that.  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

That one was actually a two-fer.  It's an example of That Doesn't Work That Way(tm!)... yet another new CMNS meme!

Hypnotism is nigh impossible to do instantaneously, especially on an unwilling person.  Say it with me: Hypnotism... Doesn't Work That Way! (tm!)

Two new memes!  Egad, we've been a house on fire since I returned, haven't we?

Check out this hilarious cover.  It surfaced on a Facebook page called "The Bestest Covers Ever" or something like that.  Anyway, read the guy's dialogue for a chuckle and our third new meme!  I call it...

Well... Touche (tm!)

Well... Touche! (tm!)

See you tomorrow!

But Mommmmm... I NEED Those 350 Used Popsicle Bags!

Before I hope back on All-Flash Quarterly #15, here's a funny from Lois Lane #36, courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis!

(A) No one's "hobby" is nuclear physics

(B) You need a 13 Billion Volt Nuclear Beam???

(C) Wouldn't exposing Lois Lane to 3 Billion Volts of Nuclear Energy... oh, I don't know... KILL HER?

I mean, do you know where you can get a 13 Billion Volt Nuclear Beam?  If so, have you informed your government that you have access to a 13 Billion Volt Nuclear Beam?  Because I'm pretty sure that's information they'd like to have.

Back to All-Flash Quarterly #15.  Check out this ad:

I seem to recall that back in the day, we were supposed to save the sticks to redeem them for something, but I may have totally made that up.  But the original promotion had you save the bags for gifts:

Now, the fact that I'm not putting in any effort for a manicure set or a khaki toilet kit aside, I would think that the bags would be nigh impossible to clean, so you just know there were a lot of mothers who were none too pleased that their children were hoarding used bags with frozen sugary residue somewhere in the house.  They no doubt switched to sticks because they were much easier to clean and frankly, 350 sticks would be a lot easier to store, ship and receive than 350 bags.

Much to our chagrin, it's time for Fat and Slat.  Amuse me, boys!

I'm not sure I get that.  Can someone explain it to me?

Then again, I'd rather not get the joke than see this:

So in 1945, this was still perfectly okay.  Eeesh.  And it's not like your average child is going to understand the concept of a "porous" or "nonporous" plaster, anyway.  I guess we should be glad they at least acknowledge an African American could be a doctor.

Monday is a holiday, so I'll see you on Tuesday!

In Which Adam Forgoes His Usual Snark to Praise Some Golden Age Awesomeness

You have probably never asked yourself, "Why does Adam blog?"  Well, not that you asked, but there are a few reasons.  First and foremost, I enjoy sharing things I notice in comics with you guys.  Just reading comics and not sharing the noteworthy things I find simply isn't nearly as much fun.

But why read the old comics?  Well, I find them to be interesting remnants of a different America.  These things reflect social mores and take snapshots of where we were as a people in decades gone by.  So, it's a great moment for me when I discover stories like "Worry Worry Everywhere" from All-Flash Quarterly #16.

This, my friends, is Ebenezzer Jones:

"Eb," as he's called (probably a name given to him by the letterer of this book who didn't want to write out "Ebenezzer" over and over) has a problem with worrying:

That caught my attention because it was rather profound.  By worrying about a situation rather than choosing a path and going with it, Eb ended up having his fate chosen for him.  Not answering the questions was a form of answering, just as not making a decision is a decision in and of itself.

Well, it wouldn't be much of a story had Eb outgrown his disorder, so he didn't:

So we see how socially paralyzing an an anxiety problem can be.  To make matters worse, Eb is missing out on opportunities in his high school years because his problem is sidelining him.  And these can be special years that none of us get back.

And sure enough, that leads to difficulties in Eb's life as an adult:

That was a remarkably sensitive portrayal of the obstacles people with mood disorders face.  Depressed people can't just "cheer up."  People with anxiety disorders can't "just relax."  I'm surprised that a story written 70 years ago displayed such sensitivity.

But of course, this is a comic book story so Eb's condition creates problems.  Namely, his worry is contagious: 

Not even our hero is immune:

Further boggling my brain is the recognition that mood disorders are physical in origin:

Wow.  I realize you're waiting for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue(tm!) but this is really brilliant, forward-thinking stuff!  It's just further proof that we comic book nerdlingers are really the most promising segment of the human race.

The Flash comes up with a cure for Eb, of course, or this story would never end:

Well, good for Eb, but often times a patient has to try several different solutions to manage a mood disorder.  But hey... good on Jay!

Frankly, I think they ought to bring back Eb, at least for a one-shot.  The notion of a guy whose presence drives you out of your mind with worry could be a great tale.  Get on it, Christos Gage!

Yeah, no snark today... we're just immortalizing some long-forgotten comic-book greatness.  But (for me, at least) that's every bit as good.

Ebeneezer is good?  Dare I?

I can't help myself....

See you tomorrow!