"Stop Teasing Me for a Bicycle," and other Things I've Never Said. At Least, That's what I'll Say in Court.

So, I'm hearing decent buzz about Wonder Woman, and I'm glad.  I don't understand people who are rooting for a movie to be a bomb.  Anyone who doesn't want a movie about comics to be good isn't really a fan.

Let's take a brief look at Master Comics #64:

Oy.  You have to give it to CMJ for trying to put Radar over, but I don't exactly see him and say, "This character needs a statue," know what I mean?

Anyway, here he is in action:

The mind-reading he has down.  Keeping his own mouth shut rather than blurting out his strategy to his opponent, not so much.

Here's something that caught my eye:+

You know, if Bulletgirl is willing to shoot a criminal, why doesn't she carry a gun?  You know, just as a safety net for one of the many times she's defeated in combat?

I've posted this ad for two reasons:

1) Because I can't believe this is actually generating any sales that warrant continued ads and

2) because I wanted to give you proof that if I ever make reference to "Mary's secret visit to Santa" that I'm not talking about anything dirty.

Speaking of things that sound dirty but aren't:

That's... an interesting use of the word "teasing," and one that could probably get you a visit from the local authorities if you repeated it.

Here's an expression I didn't know was a thing:

Well, by ginger, if you name your kid "Speedy Wheeler," you're being kind of a jerk by not getting him a bicycle from the moment he's no longer sleeping in a crib or a dresser drawer or whatever people used back then.

Here's an odd premium:

I tried to find this online because I want to know what celebrities posed for it, but no luck.  I also checked out the address on Google Maps, and I can't tell what that building was.  Take a look at it and see if you agree that it looks like someone might have been running this out of their apartment.

See you soon!

Protected from Bullets, but Not from Blows

Whew, it's been a rough week back!  Let's just take a look at some random stuff I noticed while going through Master Comics!

His name in the rest of the story is "Bulletthug," but I think "Bullethug" is much more interesting.  It's kind of like when Jennifer Grey got that nose job... don't be afraid to be unique, folks.

Let's check in on Radar, master of disguise!

Yeah!  Master of disguise!

What's up with CMJ? 

This is something that doesn't happen nearly as often as it should.

Good golly, Jim!  Have you never heard of marijuana?  Or any of the bajillion of other sedatives out there?  If we're looking to put people in chemical straightjackets, there's no shortage of options out there.  I realize there's only so much you had going on in the police laboratory back in the day, but talk about reinventing the wheel.

Soooooo... you are impervious to harm from bullets, but completely vulnerable to an old man smacking you with a chair.

COMICS!

Did you give one to Mastro Arterio?  And why are you so damned attractive?

So, who is this guy?  Well, he had a career in movie "serials" (in fact, he was in the last ones produced by Universal Pictures and Columbia Pictures) that he parlayed into a tv career when serials were no longer a thing.  All told, he had a career that lasted over 25 years with over 200 appearances.  He even married Marilyn Manson (no, not that one).  He died in 1964 at the age of 58.  And apparently, he loved him some RC Cola!

See you soon! 

Admin Note!

Hello, my lovelies!  Just a quick note to let you know that I will be on staycation next week (presuming work cooperates), so I'm taking a break.  I image I'll have some new posts on the 22nd or soon thereafter (although I've been struggling for getting material out of Master Comics... still, we're halfway through so I'll at least read 'em and see how everything turns out).  Stay safe and I'll see you soon!

-adam

SKWA-WA-WHOOM!

Contributor Robert Gillis reminded me that we haven't had new entries for CMNS Sound Effect Theatre (tm!) in a while, so here's a couple:

It's rather impressive that Brainiac was able to steal an entire city with naught but a "poof!"  I make more noise than that getting out of bed every morning.

But here's the one for the ages. 

SKWA-WA-WHOOM!

And just so you don't feel cheated out of your daily dose of Radar, the International Policeman, here he is showing us more of his suave ways with the ladies:

I think that's close enough to a sound effect, don't you?

This has been another installment of CMNS Sound Effect Theatre! (tm!)

Thanks again, Robert!

See you soon! 

When You're Up against Hard Guys, You Have to Talk Cold Turkey.

Keepin' on with Master Comics #55!

Yeah, let's just get Radar out of the way:

Um... Pep, I don't think that date was going anywhere after your little comment.  Women don't like being told they eat a lot.

Anyway, something boring happens and then:

I have no idea what Radar meant by saying that, but I felt I should preserve it for the ages just in case it's some kind of code that we later learn gives us the location of an alien spacecraft or something.

Let's check in with Bulletgirl!

Hey!  Nice one!  Maybe she's getting better at hand to ...

Whoops!  Never mind!

Finally, let's watch CMJ fight Sivana's rubber creature!

Hmmmm... nothing to make fun of so far.  I wonder if...

Oh... spoke too soon.

Considering CMJ was a relatively serious title, that little bit of Saturday-morning cartoon slapstick is really out of place.  But it happened, so there you go.

Hey! Another interesting PSA!

Wow!  Growing milkweed for the war effort!  It's amazing the stuff we find, isn't it?

See you soon!

The Great Dr. Carver Must Not be Interrupted while He is Operating!

Hey!  It's Master Comics #54!

I'm not sure what a "pin-up buddy" is, but it sounds very self-centered on his part.  It's like me saying, "I'm your dashingly handsome friend, so here's a picture of me."  Seriously, history buffs... is this something people called themselves back in the day?

United Airlines: The Early Years.

Hey!  It's time for a Random Slap! (tm!) 

Yes, it's more of a "suh-lap," but the judges (being me) will allow it!  Random Slap! (tm!)

Let's pop in on Bulletman, shall we?

Oh, silly vanity!  This is going to be a fun story!  You can just tell!

Wow!  Well, I'll be this turns into a fable, where she realizes that appearance is far from everything and she recognizes her intrinsic worth as a vibrant human...

Egad!  Um... Hey, kids!  Comics!

Place an ad in the newspapers?  Was this how people found professionals back in the day?  Seriously, were there no Yellow Pages or something?

Another guy who can fly that fell for the "pit trap."  You know, if I could fly without limitations, I'd probably just hover an inch or two above the ground; partly to avoid pit traps and partly just to feel slightly superior to everyone I encounter.

Seems to me like Bulletman is screwing this up entirely.  Wasn't he supposed to get a picture of the doc doing his deed?  I mean, getting a picture of her under anesthesia isn't going to be damning evidence.  He kinda needed Dr. Carver to do his dirty work if he really wanted evidence.

Yeah, Bulletman isn't exactly on his "A" game today.  If you can't catch a loser like Dr. Carver, you probably should just take a personal day.

And that's where it ended.  Seriously.  That's it.  The mutilating maniac is still at large!  Hope you enjoyed the story, kids!

So, who was Bonita Granville, other than that she was "youthful"?  Well, she was in her early 20's at this time, so I guess "youthful" is an odd but applicable description.  She was an Oscar-nominated actress who was either popular or didn't charge much for endorsements.  Fun fact: The Bonita Tower (the first hotel building in the USA to use a solar heating system) and the Granville Steakhouse (which was renamed Steakhouse 55 around 2006) at the original Disneyland Hotel were named after her.  Who said you don't learn stuff at CMNS?